She Tried to Swallow Me Whole

[LHX]

Bitch

I'm telling you yo - I was just minding my own business and day dreaming.

She acted like it was nuthin.
Hollered from across the street. Called my name out. Signalled for me to cross and come talk to her.

On some 'haven't-seen-you-in-a-while-how-you-been?' tip.

Fine, thank-you, miss.

I was about to tell her she looked lovely as ever, but I noticed something was off today.

Not nothing in particular. More like a bunch of little things that when you added it all together the sum comes out to 'trouble'.

Trouble.

Check out the short-comings of the written language.

It was more like

TROUBLE[/glow][/shadow][/b][/i][/u]

If yall were watching this on a tv episode of a show called 'The Adventures of X' or 'LHX Walks the Globe', yall would be like "NO X GET THE FUCK OUTTA THERE'.

But still, you need to understand: it was early. And its one thing to be in the thick of it, and another thing to be on the outside watching.

And if you saw the way her ass was pokin out in real life, yall might have not been too quick to pick up on the signs neither.

I was dressed in what became my standard issue ever since they kicked me out when I fell asleep at the library. Beige pants, wallabees, dress shirt, beige Kangol. That way, I can still fall asleep at the library, but they don't kick me out because I look like I might be able to get them fired.
No jewels on.

In a span of a short period of time, she told me the following:
1. Her man was gone.
2. Her kids was at her mom's.
3. She had some good weed.
4. (After I told her I ain't smoked in over 2 years) She don't smoke much anymore and is gonna quit.
5. She was gonna go back to school.
6. She had been practicing yoga for a few months.
7. She was about to inherit some $$ from a recently deceased relative.
8. She was thinking of doing some modelling.

I also seemed to be picking up some signals from her chestal and groin region.

I told her about the internet, the Annunaki, UFO's, Yacub, and a little bit about Discordianism, but she thought I was kidding.

I think she wasn't really listening to what I had to say.

Even though I am a man, that hurts a little.

She asked me if I wanted to come check out her new place. There was invisble forces kicking me in the back of the knees (which I have come to find out that she was responsible for), but I still managed to say no.

Then she said she was about to do some cooking, so I said yes.

If you were to do a study on this situation, your likely conclusion would be that this is the point where the story ended.
Like how when you are playing chess, and you make one wrong move and then the other person has complete control the rest of the game.

She stopped to get a coffee on the way back to her pad. While we were there, she went to the washroom.

The perfume she put on fucked my head up, and from that moment on I could no longer think straight.

Like Lex Luthor was dressed in disguise and he slipped on a kryptonite ring that Superman didn't notice.

I'm not saying the perfume smelled good. I'm just saying that the fragrance fucked my head up and I couldnt think straight.

They don't test that shit on animals any more because it would kill them. Now it kills us.

I hate perfume.


As soon as the elevator doors closed at her apartment building, she began consuming me.

If a outsider was looking at the situation, maybe he would have thought some hot liquid had somehow spilled in her panties because of the speed at which she got them off.

It was shortly there after when I had a moment of clarity, beyond the reaches of her perfume, that I noticed she was trying to consume me.

And I realized that she wasn't actually even gonna cook anything.

Her apartment was clean, but the fruit in the fruit bowl had gone bad.

In a last ditch effort, I reached deep down and tried to come up with some final defense. I managed to blurt out that I had just remembered that I had a appointment that I couldnt miss.

She said 'what kind of appointment?'

I don't remember if I answered.


Who said light can't escape a black hole?

[Proxy]

Good stuff.

Her apartment was clean, but the fruit in the fruit bowl had gone bad.

I really like this sentence.

[East Coast Hustle]

LHX layin' down some science.

the East German judge gives this a 9/10.

you lost a point for not pulling either the "spider-man" or the "houdini" on her.

[Jasper]

Oh, he did. 

You just didn't see it.

[Reginald Ret]

excellent. I felt that.

[Cramulus]

just re-read this. Awesome. I love the praying-mantis lady. She scares the shit out of you, but you've just gotta tap that buggin ass

[the dreadful hours]

sparkling and succulent

[Jasper]

This is one of the few PDcom posts I've ever printed off for myself.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That is a fucking good one

just reverse the pronouns, and I've been there.