Author Topic: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:  (Read 42581 times)

The Good Reverend Roger

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Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« on: January 23, 2007, 06:57:39 am »
We tend to think of ourselves as the height of life on Earth, and especially the height of the primate family.

Of course, this is utter bullshit.

You see, contrary to what you might think, there really isn't a lot of food in jungles, and competition is really fierce for what limited chow there is. 

The most fit monkeys got the food.  The least fit monkeys had to drop down out of the trees, and go looking for grub out on the savannah.  However, the savannah is a dangerous place, so our ancestors had to learn to stand up (to see over the grass to watch for prey and predators), and grow brains (to learn to use rocks to supplement our pitiful natural weaponry).  And it was all downhill from there.

So we're the loser monkeys.  The failures of the monkey world.

Of course, we had our revenge on our smartass, more-fit cousins, by locking them in cages where everyone can see them whack off.

Or Kill Me.

(Note to pedantic types:  Yeah, yeah, I know we didn't evolve from modern day monkeys, but shared a common ancestor.  It's a colloquialism.  Get over it.  Nobody likes a know-it-all.)
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Cain

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #1 on: January 23, 2007, 09:36:46 am »
Thats true of all evolution though, wouldn't you say?  I keep saying the winners of the animal world were (until very recently anyway) sharks.  400 million years and only minor changes in their evolution.

Of course, if we were the pinnacle of evolution I'd question why we'd build a society where we end up living in what resembles an ant colony, instead of fucking all day like Bonobos.

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #2 on: January 23, 2007, 09:59:10 am »
Also our weak links don't get eaten anymore. Fkin equal rights and social conscience kills lulz. Humanity is natures reject bin.
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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #3 on: January 23, 2007, 01:52:05 pm »
Cain, do you live like an ant? I don't. Some of us have taken advantage of our evolutionary gifts.

Roger, there is a group that wants to free chimps and higher primates from zoos because they think it is wrong to lock up a "person" who hasn't committed a crime.
They need to see what you just wrote.
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Cain

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #4 on: January 23, 2007, 02:01:37 pm »
I don't, I avoid work and sleep till 10am every day.  But I know lots of people who do.

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #5 on: January 23, 2007, 02:05:43 pm »
And thats their problem.
I guess some evolved more than others.
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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #6 on: January 23, 2007, 02:34:00 pm »
Also our weak links don't get eaten anymore. Fkin equal rights and social conscience kills lulz. Humanity is natures reject bin.

No, they still get eaten.  Not in a literal sense but in a socio-economic sense, the weak do get eaten.  But instead of rotting and returning back to the ground, they become empty animated shells.  Or they just live the rest of their lives on the couch, drinking PBR, and watching Judge Judy et al, all day. 
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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #7 on: January 23, 2007, 02:50:45 pm »
A fate worse than classic death.
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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #8 on: January 23, 2007, 02:58:12 pm »
Thats true of all evolution though, wouldn't you say?¨Ü I keep saying the winners of the animal world were (until very recently anyway) sharks.¨Ü 400 million years and only minor changes in their evolution.


in the mammal kingdom i woudl say rats. Such a simplistic creature, that could thrive both living in the shadows of humans and would do just as well without...
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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #9 on: January 23, 2007, 03:21:36 pm »
Crocodiles have been around a while too. They've gotten a little smaller in response to food level fluctuations but that's about it.
I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #10 on: January 23, 2007, 03:28:14 pm »
crocodiles aren't thriving
Through me the way to the city of woe, Through me the way to everlasting pain, Through me the way among the lost.
Justice moved my maker on high.
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Before me nothing was but things eternal, and eternal I endure.
Abandon all hope, you who enter here.

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #11 on: January 23, 2007, 03:46:49 pm »
Nothing's thriving. We've kinda seen to that. Bacteria, viri, cockroaches maybe.
I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
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Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and itís not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesnít matter." -- Max Tegmark

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #12 on: January 23, 2007, 03:48:04 pm »
Cabbages.

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #13 on: January 23, 2007, 03:57:28 pm »
rotants
some forms of insects
Through me the way to the city of woe, Through me the way to everlasting pain, Through me the way among the lost.
Justice moved my maker on high.
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Before me nothing was but things eternal, and eternal I endure.
Abandon all hope, you who enter here.

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Re: Rev Roger's Least Fit Monkey Theory:
« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2007, 03:58:11 pm »
Cabbages.

If it came down to a war between us and cabbages I'd give us a fighting chance. There's a lot to be said for a tactical military strike with conventional and nuclear weapons v's lying, half buried in the ground getting slightly bigger whenever it rains.

*edit* just in case I'm wrong, of course, maybe we should organise concentration camps right now.
I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
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Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and itís not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesnít matter." -- Max Tegmark