Dear Mr. V8 Audi Man:

[Suu]

(This isn't a sermon, just a short letter to my new friend...)

*ahem*

Dear Mister "I'm hawt shit in my car",

What is the point of owning a V8 compact car? You won't be towing a boat or hauling anything in your Audi. So why did you pay so much more to upgrade not 2 cylinders, but 4 cylinders from the regular 4-banger? I'm sure the wheels will move just the same, and the Masspike is NOT the Autobahn. It's not worth it the amount of gas it will take you to go from Back Bay to the BCEC. Sorry.

Also, why are you talking on your phone with one hand, picking your nose with the other, and trying to turn onto South Street at the same time? I don't know HOW you're doing it, but I see no hands on your wheel, and it's kind of scaring me since I'm attempting to cross the street with my medium hot French vanilla extra-extra. Don't pretend like you don't see me, because I'm looking right at you. I see that pinkie in your nose...Maybe if you wouldn't snort up all that dust on your lunch break you would know that your knee is not an acceptable steering appendage.

Go ahead, hit me. Really, I dare you. Hit me. Because not only are you not yielding to a pedestrian, violating the law by talking on your cell or having both hands on your wheel, but you're also blowing a stop sign while turning onto a one-way street. I will rake you for what you are worth, and even take that shiny new Audi of your's while I'm at it. Oh, and you'll have to buy me another coffee too, because that last 2 dollars I spent on it is the last of my cash for 11 days.

Thanks.

[Jenne]

I've NEVER gotten the steering with the knee thing...I can do it, I just feel it's a waste of brainpower to manipulate is all.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Wow! So what you're saying is audi drivers in america are wankers too?

Silly - has 'keyed' more audi's and bmw's than any other lxury saloon. Fuck ze germans!

[Cain]

Spirito de Punto.  Srsly.  Worst drivers ever.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Worst drivers = old ladies in volvos. Should be killed at birth.

[Suu]

Wow! So what you're saying is audi drivers in america are wankers too?

Silly - has 'keyed' more audi's and bmw's than any other lxury saloon. Fuck ze germans!

Considering that they are just luxury VW's, you think that they would take the hint.

I liked my Jetta, I hate your Audi. Get off of my fucking road so I can blow past you, in my 4-banger, and look much cuter in the process.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Worst drivers = old ladies in volvos. Should be killed at birth.

You're all wrong.

ANYONE in a Buick.  No shit.

Next time you finally get past that one asshole holding up everyone on the highway, take a look.  It's some goofy fucker in a Buick.  EVERY TIME.  I did field service out of a truck for YEARS.  I know what I'm talking about.

For some reason, the same people that feel they have to drive 5 below the limit in the fast lane are the same people that buy Buicks.

[hunter s.durden]

I own a Buick, and my car idols at 30 MPH.

No slowness here.

Next time you look at the buick driver, try and gauge their age.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I own a Buick, and my car idols at 30 MPH.

No slowness here.

Next time you look at the buick driver, try and gauge their age.

Doesn't matter. 

FACT:  I have NEVER been passed by a Buick.  Even when I was fixing a flat on the side of the road.

Disclaimer:  Most of the above mentioned data was "gathered" in Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Ontario.

[P3nT4gR4m]

STFU - there's no such thing as a buick. Old lady/volvo statement still stands.

[Suu]

Disclaimer:  Most of the above mentioned data was "gathered" in Illinois, Wisconsin, Indiana, and Ontario.

That DOES explain quite a bit.

[hunter s.durden]

Ride with me.
It'll change your worldview.

[Thurnez Isa]

Ride with me.
It'll change your worldview.

are you hitting on us?

[hunter s.durden]

Yes.