Insomnia

[Cain]

I light a cigarette, because I can't sleep.  Dirty habit I picked up, but I rarely do it at all, so I don't feel too much guilt.  Once again its past midnight and I'm still up, my mind buzzing away long after it should.

I'm outside with the cold air, just a light breeze really, brushing against my face as I look towards the town at night.  Its pretty inviting, the desire to just walk over, as the last few stragglers are making their way home and do...something.  I used to, not that long ago even, but I'm not in the mood tonight, I can't summon the will to raise hell at the drop of a hat like I once did.

I take another drag, with my mind still putting in the overtime.  Did last night's little escapade affect anything?  Well, apart from half a dozen enraged Marxists and some very startled bar staff?  In the heat of the moment, the planning and execution, it all seems so...perfect.  But then the down hits you as always, when you watch them scurry away, not laughing at something any objective person would consider hilarious and carefully rebuild their fractured little world.

And of course, this has even less of an effect at a level I want it to.  Something would be nice to work with, some degree of infamy, a truly 100% deserving target, anything.  Something I can work up from.  Of course, the only area I do have any influence is the one where I can't use it...hows that irony for you? 

I could just watch TV or a film.  But there's nothing there to interest me.  Not much can consume me and wear me out any more...people are starting to notice, too.  They assumed I was just being an elitist snob when I expressed no interest in the latest reality TV program or new teen drama.  And I probably am, but its extended to the point that the entire media has alienated me.  Its not even disgust, its just one just wave of apathy, can't give a fuck-ism.  Sitting there and letting something else dictate my thoughts so totally, homogenizing my thinking with the rest of society...its an overreaction, but its still against much of what I stand for.

So little to do in this dead end town.  Little clubs, with their little committee meetings and careful planning, their votes which no-one ever dissents on but give that gloss of democracy to the ego-driven devices and qualifications to add to their CVs.  I knew I should have gone to a city, somewhere where the town doesn't shut down once 11pm rolls around.

But still, I've nearly worked myself to the state of tiredness I need to get some sleep.  Sure, its nearly 1am, and I need to be up early tomorrow, but I'll survive, somehow.  I always do.

[Thurnez Isa]

I definately find a natural sense of pacing in your prose, which serves it well

[Cain]

Ta muchly.  I actually did this as I was falling asleep, which probably helped with the tone.