Random News Stories

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

Malfunctioning Cake Ruins Party and Spews Liquor All Over Oil Tycoons

Sea-raping mega-oil firm Shell has a new rig to launch, and like any enormous company, it decided to celebrate with a private party atop Seattle's Space Needle. The crown jewel? An oil rig-shaped cake which sprays liquor! Into your face.

http://gizmodo.com/5916538/malfunctioning-cake-ruins-party-and-spews-liquor-all-over-rich-people

Too perfect. It was the Yes Men:

www.youtube.com/watch?v=InL4ONJh9fA

[Telarus]

HBO admits Game Of Thrones Bush blunder
http://za.omg.yahoo.com/news/hbo-admits-game-thrones-bush-blunder-080346397.html
HBO and the executive producers of Game Of Thrones owned up and apologised on Wednesday for showing a model of President George W Bush's head appearing on a spike in season 1 of the fantasy TV series

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

HBO admits Game Of Thrones Bush blunder
http://za.omg.yahoo.com/news/hbo-admits-game-thrones-bush-blunder-080346397.html
HBO and the executive producers of Game Of Thrones owned up and apologised on Wednesday for showing a model of President George W Bush's head appearing on a spike in season 1 of the fantasy TV series

Sounds like they were hoping someone would notice, and no one did so they commented on it, and when no one noticed that, they apologized for the head AND the comment.

And still, crickets.


"HAY GUYS WE USED THE HEAD OF GEORGE BUSH ON A STAKE IN THAT ONE SHOT, SEE? IT'S TOTALLY NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT THOUGH"

"OH HAY, GUYS! WE CAN'T HELP NOTICING THAT NOBODY NOTICED THAT WE USED GEORGE BUSH'S HEAD ON A STAKE SO WE WANTED TO SAY THAT WE'RE REALLY SORRY AND THAT WE'LL TAKE OUT THE PART WHERE WE COMMENT ON HOW WE USED THE HEAD OF GEORGE BUSH ON A STAKE, OK? DID YOU NOTICE YET? GUYS?"

[The Good Reverend Roger]

 

[Freeky]

You know that terrible feeling when you find something that something else you read was parodying?
http://gawker.com/5918385/would-you-like-to-buy-a-college-student

University of Chicago professor Luigi Zingales lays it out in a NYT op-ed today: instead of funding everyone's college education with debt that they may or may not be able to repay, let investors pay for the college education of promising kids. In return, the kid gives them a percentage of their future earnings (only the earnings above and beyond what they would have made without going to college). The lenders can pay the IRS a fee to do the collections. Students graduate without debt, and the amount they ultimately pay back is contingent on their actual earnings. It's a way for everyone to get in on a game that the elites have played for years:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/14/opinion/the-college-graduate-as-collateral.html?_r=1&ref=opinion

In fact, top colleges like Yale are already — implicitly — using a form of equity contract. They charge the average student less than the average cost of educating each student, while financing the shortfall with donations from the wealthiest alumni. It is tantamount to an implicit stake on the wealthiest alumni's income. This system works very well for the top schools, which produce at least a few multibillionaires. It is much less effective for normal, middle-of-the-road colleges. It is precisely for these colleges that a formal equity contract would work best.

UP NEXT JUST HOW MUCH OF A PERCENTAGE DO YOU HAVE IN YOURSELF!!!!

So essentially, if this were, say, implemented in all colleges, not just Yale and etc., people would be essentially making the same amount of money if they hadn't gone to college, and corporates would be making even more grotesque amounts of money.

Someone stop the world, I wanna get off!

[Don Coyote]

You know that terrible feeling when you find something that something else you read was parodying?
http://gawker.com/5918385/would-you-like-to-buy-a-college-student

University of Chicago professor Luigi Zingales lays it out in a NYT op-ed today: instead of funding everyone's college education with debt that they may or may not be able to repay, let investors pay for the college education of promising kids. In return, the kid gives them a percentage of their future earnings (only the earnings above and beyond what they would have made without going to college). The lenders can pay the IRS a fee to do the collections. Students graduate without debt, and the amount they ultimately pay back is contingent on their actual earnings. It's a way for everyone to get in on a game that the elites have played for years:

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/06/14/opinion/the-college-graduate-as-collateral.html?_r=1&ref=opinion

In fact, top colleges like Yale are already — implicitly — using a form of equity contract. They charge the average student less than the average cost of educating each student, while financing the shortfall with donations from the wealthiest alumni. It is tantamount to an implicit stake on the wealthiest alumni's income. This system works very well for the top schools, which produce at least a few multibillionaires. It is much less effective for normal, middle-of-the-road colleges. It is precisely for these colleges that a formal equity contract would work best.

UP NEXT JUST HOW MUCH OF A PERCENTAGE DO YOU HAVE IN YOURSELF!!!!

So essentially, if this were, say, implemented in all colleges, not just Yale and etc., people would be essentially making the same amount of money if they hadn't gone to college, and corporates would be making even more grotesque amounts of money.

Someone stop the world, I wanna get off!

OHFUK HOW DID I NOT SEE THAT!!!!!!!

I think I need some PILLS HERE

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

HBO admits Game Of Thrones Bush blunder
http://za.omg.yahoo.com/news/hbo-admits-game-thrones-bush-blunder-080346397.html
HBO and the executive producers of Game Of Thrones owned up and apologised on Wednesday for showing a model of President George W Bush's head appearing on a spike in season 1 of the fantasy TV series

Sounds like they were hoping someone would notice, and no one did so they commented on it, and when no one noticed that, they apologized for the head AND the comment.

And still, crickets.


"HAY GUYS WE USED THE HEAD OF GEORGE BUSH ON A STAKE IN THAT ONE SHOT, SEE? IT'S TOTALLY NOT A POLITICAL STATEMENT THOUGH"

"OH HAY, GUYS! WE CAN'T HELP NOTICING THAT NOBODY NOTICED THAT WE USED GEORGE BUSH'S HEAD ON A STAKE SO WE WANTED TO SAY THAT WE'RE REALLY SORRY AND THAT WE'LL TAKE OUT THE PART WHERE WE COMMENT ON HOW WE USED THE HEAD OF GEORGE BUSH ON A STAKE, OK? DID YOU NOTICE YET? GUYS?"

DUBYA'S HEAD ON A STAKE = NON-ISSUE 

[Junkenstein]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-18515556

There are conflicting reports about the health of ousted Egyptian leader Hosni Mubarak.

Some media reports say he is clinically dead, but Nile TV said attempts were continuing to revive him.

The 84-year-old is said to have had a stroke, and was moved from prison to life support in an army hospital.

Nothing suspicious here.


Ecuador places self on US shitlist
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-18514726

Wikileaks founder Julian Assange is seeking political asylum at Ecuador's London embassy, the country's foreign minister has said.

"Ecuador is studying and analysing the request," Foreign Minister Ricardo Patino told reporters in Quito.

and

But Swedish authorities have said the European Court of Human Rights (ECHR) would intervene if Mr Assange was to face the prospect of "inhuman or degrading treatment or an unfair trial" in the US.

HA. HA. HA.

Is anyone taking bets on when Assange hits US soil? My first few guesses were so far off I may as well try again. Face it, if you're appealing to Ecuador for protection, you're pretty fucked.

[Junkenstein]

http://kotaku.com/5919482/chinese-news-confuses-masturbation-toy-with-a-mysterious-mushroom

It was unlike anything the villagers had ever seen. The young news reporter who arrived on the scene was quick to point out that the "mysterious mushroom" felt "meaty". Meaty, sure, but that ain't no mushroom.

Yes, there are pictures and video. Enjoy.

http://www.wsbtv.com/news/news/local/customer-apple-store-denied-me-ipad-speaking-farsi/nPY4p/

Sabet is a U.S. citizen. Like most 19-year-olds, the University of Georgia student is never far from her iPhone.

So she was surprised Thursday when an employee at the Apple Store inside North Pointe Mall in Alpharetta refused to sell an iPad to her and her uncle after overhearing them speaking Farsi. The iPad was to be a gift for her cousin who lives in Iran.

"When we said 'Farsi, I'm from Iran,' he said, 'I just can't sell this to you. Our countries have bad relations,'" Sabet said.

"I would say if you're trying to buy an iPhone, don't tell them anything about Iran. That would be your best bet," said Zack Jafarzadeh, who had a similar experience at the Apple Store in Perimeter Mall.

This impresses me. The local Apple shop here would not be able to distinguish between Farsi and "foreign"( I can't get the right level of sneer on the word. Imagine it said by your evil conservative figure of choice.)

FLORIDA
http://www.digtriad.com/news/article/231466/57/Sheriff-Man-Tried-To-Take-Kitten-Into-Strip-Club
Warning- Video on loading. Exactly what you expect.

MOAR FLORIDA
http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/06/18/2856058/miami-beach-police-man-filmed.html

A Georgia man has been arrested after police say he filmed an unauthorized, behind-the-scenes video of Hooters International Swimsuit Pageant contestants disrobing at the swanky Fontainebleau Miami Beach hotel.

Giving us this wonderful quote

"Man to man, I did it because I've never had a girlfriend," Rolfes allegedly told a male officer.

Proving once again that honesty is unlikely to be your best defence.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

This story is more botany than politics, but still pretty mind-blowing.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

This story is more botany than politics, but still pretty mind-blowing.

I'd love to see that follow up report.

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

This story is more botany than politics, but still pretty mind-blowing.

Bestest troll in a long time. 

[Triple Zero]

There a reason why you tinyurl'd it?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

There a reason why you tinyurl'd it?

Thats how I received it, just copied that.

[Junkenstein]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-south-east-wales-18549569

A psychic is facing jail after he was found guilty of duping young women into performing sex acts.

Karl Lang, 49, was convicted of 12 counts of causing women to engage in sexual activity without consent at Newport Crown Court.

Lang, of Newport, targeted two women in their 20s who sought him out in the belief he could contact dead relatives.

The judge said jail was inevitable. Lang, who denied the charges, will be sentenced at a later date.

The court heard that both women were encouraged to perform sex acts in front of him and pressed to act more and more outrageously as his influence increased.

One woman told the trial she was conned into acting like a "porn star" in the belief that it would boost her own spiritual powers.

I'm struggling to not mock all of the involved. Important lasting lessons hopefully learned all round. Unlikely, but today I'm feeling optimistic.