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Started by Thurnez Isa, December 29, 2006, 04:11:55 PM

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Iason Ouabache

Quote from: Doktor Howl on October 01, 2010, 02:56:05 AM
Hee hee!

http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0910/42989.html
I always assumed that the money went the other direction in that relationship. That's what I get for being naive.
You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck i do not give.
    \
┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘

Hoser McRhizzy

No words.  This is just too frigging useful...  :lol:

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/874330--obama-related-to-limbaugh-palin

QuoteRush Limbaugh calls President Barack Obama "imam," even though he knows the president isn't a Muslim. Sarah Palin has openly doubted the president's "cojones."

Turns out these two conservative firebrands have been dissin' their own cousin.

The online genealogy service Ancestry.com now reports that Obama and Palin are 10th cousins, and Obama and Limbaugh are 10th cousins once removed.

(apologies if this is a repost)
It feels unreal because it's trickling up.

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: Agent Rhizome on October 14, 2010, 04:12:36 AM
No words.  This is just too frigging useful...  :lol:

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/874330--obama-related-to-limbaugh-palin

QuoteRush Limbaugh calls President Barack Obama "imam," even though he knows the president isn't a Muslim. Sarah Palin has openly doubted the president's "cojones."

Turns out these two conservative firebrands have been dissin' their own cousin.

The online genealogy service Ancestry.com now reports that Obama and Palin are 10th cousins, and Obama and Limbaugh are 10th cousins once removed.

(apologies if this is a repost)

That must be equally embarassing for all three of them.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Hoser McRhizzy

Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 14, 2010, 04:22:20 AM
That must be equally embarassing for all three of them.

Probably.   :lol:

I'm just happy I finally have the proof I need: this obviously means that Sarah Palin is Muslim.

Of course, it gets less fun as you go.  I don't actually care about which people with too much money are related to which people with too much money.  Just thinking the story's useful for making certain heads explode.
It feels unreal because it's trickling up.

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: Agent Rhizome on October 14, 2010, 04:52:29 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 14, 2010, 04:22:20 AM
That must be equally embarassing for all three of them.

Probably.   :lol:

I'm just happy I finally have the proof I need: this obviously means that Sarah Palin is Muslim.

Of course, it gets less fun as you go.  I don't actually care about which people with too much money are related to which people with too much money.  Just thinking the story's useful for making certain heads explode.

Maybe if you make the argument that she's black the Tea Partiers will go back to calling themselves Republicans.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

Iason Ouabache

Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 14, 2010, 04:22:20 AM
Quote from: Agent Rhizome on October 14, 2010, 04:12:36 AM
No words.  This is just too frigging useful...  :lol:

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/874330--obama-related-to-limbaugh-palin

QuoteRush Limbaugh calls President Barack Obama "imam," even though he knows the president isn't a Muslim. Sarah Palin has openly doubted the president's "cojones."

Turns out these two conservative firebrands have been dissin' their own cousin.

The online genealogy service Ancestry.com now reports that Obama and Palin are 10th cousins, and Obama and Limbaugh are 10th cousins once removed.

(apologies if this is a repost)

That must be equally embarassing for all three of them.
Meh. Anything past third cousin is worthless. I'm willing to bet that if you picked any 2 Americans at random they will be 10th or better cousins. I'm too lazy to do the math though.
You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck i do not give.
    \
┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘┌( ಠ_ಠ)┘

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: Iason Ouabache on October 14, 2010, 08:30:08 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 14, 2010, 04:22:20 AM
Quote from: Agent Rhizome on October 14, 2010, 04:12:36 AM
No words.  This is just too frigging useful...  :lol:

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/874330--obama-related-to-limbaugh-palin

QuoteRush Limbaugh calls President Barack Obama "imam," even though he knows the president isn't a Muslim. Sarah Palin has openly doubted the president's "cojones."

Turns out these two conservative firebrands have been dissin' their own cousin.

The online genealogy service Ancestry.com now reports that Obama and Palin are 10th cousins, and Obama and Limbaugh are 10th cousins once removed.

(apologies if this is a repost)

That must be equally embarassing for all three of them.
Meh. Anything past third cousin is worthless. I'm willing to bet that if you picked any 2 Americans at random they will be 10th or better cousins. I'm too lazy to do the math though.

True. Some places also tend to become gene puddles.
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS

AFK

Quote from: Iason Ouabache on October 14, 2010, 08:30:08 AM
Quote from: Doktor Blight on October 14, 2010, 04:22:20 AM
Quote from: Agent Rhizome on October 14, 2010, 04:12:36 AM
No words.  This is just too frigging useful...  :lol:

http://www.thestar.com/news/world/article/874330--obama-related-to-limbaugh-palin

QuoteRush Limbaugh calls President Barack Obama "imam," even though he knows the president isn't a Muslim. Sarah Palin has openly doubted the president's "cojones."

Turns out these two conservative firebrands have been dissin' their own cousin.

The online genealogy service Ancestry.com now reports that Obama and Palin are 10th cousins, and Obama and Limbaugh are 10th cousins once removed.

(apologies if this is a repost)

That must be equally embarassing for all three of them.
Meh. Anything past third cousin is worthless. I'm willing to bet that if you picked any 2 Americans at random they will be 10th or better cousins. I'm too lazy to do the math though.

This is probably true.  Say, could you lend me, your long lost 10th Cousin, $50?
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Cramulus

Historians Admit To Inventing Ancient Greeks



WASHINGTON—A group of leading historians held a press conference Monday at the National Geographic Society to announce they had "entirely fabricated" ancient Greece, a culture long thought to be the intellectual basis of Western civilization.

The group acknowledged that the idea of a sophisticated, flourishing society existing in Greece more than two millennia ago was a complete fiction created by a team of some two dozen historians, anthropologists, and classicists who worked nonstop between 1971 and 1974 to forge "Greek" documents and artifacts.

"Honestly, we never meant for things to go this far," said Professor Gene Haddlebury, who has offered to resign his position as chair of Hellenic Studies at Georgetown University. "We were young and trying to advance our careers, so we just started making things up: Homer, Aristotle, Socrates, Hippocrates, the lever and fulcrum, rhetoric, ethics, all the different kinds of columns—everything."

Enlarge Image

Just one of the "ancient" artifacts dreamed up in a basement in Somerville, MA.

"Way more stuff than any one civilization could have come up with, obviously," he added.

According to Haddlebury, the idea of inventing a wholly fraudulent ancient culture came about when he and other scholars realized they had no idea what had actually happened in Europe during the 800-year period before the Christian era.

Frustrated by the gap in the record, and finding archaeologists to be "not much help at all," they took the problem to colleagues who were then scrambling to find a way to explain where things such as astronomy, cartography, and democracy had come from.

Within hours the greatest and most influential civilization of all time was born.

"One night someone made a joke about just taking all these ideas, lumping them together, and saying the Greeks had done it all 2,000 years ago," Haddlebury said. "One thing led to another, and before you know it, we're coming up with everything from the golden ratio to the Iliad."

"That was a bitch to write, by the way," he continued, referring to the epic poem believed to have laid the foundation for the Western literary tradition. "But it seemed to catch on."

         
          caption: Just one of the "ancient" artifacts dreamed up in a basement in Somerville, MA

Around the same time, a curator at the Smithsonian reportedly asked for Haddlebury's help: The museum had received a sizeable donation to create an exhibit on the ancient world but "really didn't have a whole lot to put in there." The historians immediately set to work, hastily falsifying evidence of a civilization that— complete with its own poets and philosophers, gods and heroes—would eventually become the centerpiece of schoolbooks, college educations, and the entire field of the humanities.

Emily Nguyen-Whiteman, one of the young academics who "pulled a month's worth of all-nighters" working on the project, explained that the whole of ancient Greek architecture was based on buildings in Washington, D.C., including a bank across the street from the coffee shop where they met to "bat around ideas about mythology or whatever."

"We picked Greece because we figured nobody would ever go there to check it out," Nguyen-Whiteman said. "Have you ever seen the place? It's a dump. It's like an abandoned gravel pit infested with cats."

She added, "Inevitably, though, people started looking around for some of this 'ancient' stuff, and next thing I know I'm stuck in Athens all summer building a goddamn Parthenon just to cover our tracks."

Nguyen-Whiteman acknowledged she was also tasked with altering documents ranging from early Bibles to the writings of Thomas Jefferson to reflect a "Classical Greek" influence—a task that also included the creation, from scratch, of a language based on modern Greek that could pass as its ancient precursor.

Historians told reporters that some of the so-called Greek ideas were in fact borrowed from the Romans, stripped to their fundamentals, and then attributed to fictional Greek predecessors. But others they claimed as their own.

"Geometry? That was all Kevin," said Haddlebury, referring to former graduate student Kevin Davenport. "Man, that kid was on fire in those days. They teach Davenportian geometry in high schools now, though of course they call it Euclidean."

Sources confirmed that long hours and lack of sleep took their toll on Davenport, and after the lukewarm reception of his work on homoeroticism in Spartan military, he left the group.

In a statement expressing their "profound apologies" for misleading the world on the subject of antiquity for almost 40 years, the historians expressed hope that their work would survive on its own merits.

"It would be a shame to see humanity abandon achievements such as heliocentrism and the plays of Aeschylus just because of their origin," the statement read in part. "Moreover, we have some rather disappointing things to tell you about the pyramids, the works of Leonardo da Vinci, penicillin, the Internet, the scientific method, movies, and dogs."

Cramulus

oh lord....  :lulz:


American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress
http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-people-hire-highpowered-lobbyist-to-push,18204/?utm_source=recentnews



WASHINGTON—Citing a desire to gain influence in Washington, the American people confirmed Friday that they have hired high-powered D.C. lobbyist Jack Weldon of the firm Patton Boggs to help advance their agenda in Congress.

Known among Beltway insiders for his ability to sway public policy on behalf of massive corporations such as Johnson & Johnson, Monsanto, and AT&T, Weldon, 53, is expected to use his vast network of political connections to give his new client a voice in the legislative process.

Weldon is reportedly charging the American people $795 an hour.

"Unlike R.J. Reynolds, Pfizer, or Bank of America, the U.S. populace lacks the access to public officials required to further its legislative goals," a statement from the nation read in part. "Jack Weldon gives us that access."

"His daily presence in the Capitol will ensure the American people finally get a seat at the table," the statement continued. "And it will allow him to advance our message that everyone, including Americans, deserves to be represented in Washington."

     
     Weldon says he hopes to spin the American public, above, as a group worth Congress' time.

The 310-million-member group said it will rely on Weldon's considerable clout to ensure its concerns are taken into account when Congress addresses issues such as education, immigration, national security, health care, transportation, the economy, affordable college tuition, infrastructure, jobs, equal rights, taxes, Social Security, the environment, housing, the national debt, agriculture, energy, alternative energy, nutrition, imports, exports, foreign relations, the arts, and crime.

Sources confirmed that Weldon is already scheduled to have drinks Monday with several members of the Senate Appropriations Committee to discuss saving the middle class.

"If you have a problem, say, with America's atrocious treatment of its veterans, you can't just pick up a phone and call your local congressman," Weldon told reporters from his office on K Street Monday. "You need someone on the inside who understands how democracy works; someone who knows how to grease the wheels a little."

Weldon said that after successfully advocating on behalf of Goldman Sachs and BP, he is relishing the opportunity to lobby for the American people, calling it the "challenge of a lifetime." The veteran D.C. power player admitted that his new client is at a disadvantage because it lacks the money and power of other groups.

"The goal is to make it seem politically advantageous for legislators to keep the American people in mind when making laws," Weldon said. "Lawmakers are going to ask me, 'Why should I care about the American people? What's in it for me?' And it will be up to me and my team to find some reason why they should consider putting poverty and medical care for children on the legislative docket."

"To be honest," Weldon added, "the American people have always been perceived as a little naïve when it comes to their representative government. But having me on their side sends a clear message that they're finally serious and want to play ball."

According to Washington heavyweights, hiring Weldon is an immediate game changer and should force politicians to take citizens' concerns seriously for the first time in decades. Moreover, sources said, Weldon will be able to help lawmakers see the American people as more than just a low-priority fringe group.

"Jack is very good at what he does," said Joseph Pearlman, a headhunter for the McCormick Group who specializes in placing lobbyists. "He can take an issue that is nowhere on the congressional radar, like the pursuit of happiness, for example, and make it politically relevant. The next time Congress passes a bill dealing with civil rights or taxes, I wouldn't be surprised if the U.S. populace is mentioned somewhere in the final language."

Though Weldon has only been on the job for three days, legislators have already seemed to take notice.

"Before today, I'd actually never heard of this group," Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) told reporters. "But if Jack says they're worth my time, I'll take a look and see if maybe there are some areas where our interests overlap."

"But I'm not making any promises," he added. "I'm a very busy man."

Phox

Quote from: Cramulus on October 14, 2010, 05:56:02 PM
oh lord....  :lulz:


American People Hire High-Powered Lobbyist To Push Interests In Congress
http://www.theonion.com/articles/american-people-hire-highpowered-lobbyist-to-push,18204/?utm_source=recentnews



WASHINGTON—Citing a desire to gain influence in Washington, the American people confirmed Friday that they have hired high-powered D.C. lobbyist Jack Weldon of the firm Patton Boggs to help advance their agenda in Congress.

Known among Beltway insiders for his ability to sway public policy on behalf of massive corporations such as Johnson & Johnson, Monsanto, and AT&T, Weldon, 53, is expected to use his vast network of political connections to give his new client a voice in the legislative process.

Weldon is reportedly charging the American people $795 an hour.

"Unlike R.J. Reynolds, Pfizer, or Bank of America, the U.S. populace lacks the access to public officials required to further its legislative goals," a statement from the nation read in part. "Jack Weldon gives us that access."

"His daily presence in the Capitol will ensure the American people finally get a seat at the table," the statement continued. "And it will allow him to advance our message that everyone, including Americans, deserves to be represented in Washington."

     
     Weldon says he hopes to spin the American public, above, as a group worth Congress' time.

The 310-million-member group said it will rely on Weldon's considerable clout to ensure its concerns are taken into account when Congress addresses issues such as education, immigration, national security, health care, transportation, the economy, affordable college tuition, infrastructure, jobs, equal rights, taxes, Social Security, the environment, housing, the national debt, agriculture, energy, alternative energy, nutrition, imports, exports, foreign relations, the arts, and crime.

Sources confirmed that Weldon is already scheduled to have drinks Monday with several members of the Senate Appropriations Committee to discuss saving the middle class.

"If you have a problem, say, with America's atrocious treatment of its veterans, you can't just pick up a phone and call your local congressman," Weldon told reporters from his office on K Street Monday. "You need someone on the inside who understands how democracy works; someone who knows how to grease the wheels a little."

Weldon said that after successfully advocating on behalf of Goldman Sachs and BP, he is relishing the opportunity to lobby for the American people, calling it the "challenge of a lifetime." The veteran D.C. power player admitted that his new client is at a disadvantage because it lacks the money and power of other groups.

"The goal is to make it seem politically advantageous for legislators to keep the American people in mind when making laws," Weldon said. "Lawmakers are going to ask me, 'Why should I care about the American people? What's in it for me?' And it will be up to me and my team to find some reason why they should consider putting poverty and medical care for children on the legislative docket."

"To be honest," Weldon added, "the American people have always been perceived as a little naïve when it comes to their representative government. But having me on their side sends a clear message that they're finally serious and want to play ball."

According to Washington heavyweights, hiring Weldon is an immediate game changer and should force politicians to take citizens' concerns seriously for the first time in decades. Moreover, sources said, Weldon will be able to help lawmakers see the American people as more than just a low-priority fringe group.

"Jack is very good at what he does," said Joseph Pearlman, a headhunter for the McCormick Group who specializes in placing lobbyists. "He can take an issue that is nowhere on the congressional radar, like the pursuit of happiness, for example, and make it politically relevant. The next time Congress passes a bill dealing with civil rights or taxes, I wouldn't be surprised if the U.S. populace is mentioned somewhere in the final language."

Though Weldon has only been on the job for three days, legislators have already seemed to take notice.

"Before today, I'd actually never heard of this group," Rep. Eric Cantor (R-VA) told reporters. "But if Jack says they're worth my time, I'll take a look and see if maybe there are some areas where our interests overlap."

"But I'm not making any promises," he added. "I'm a very busy man."
:horrormirth:

tyrannosaurus vex

Evil and Unfeeling Arse-Flenser From The City of the Damned.

E.O.T.

WOW

          cram had like, an extra espresso today or something.

THE VERSION

          of the barack/ palin story which i came across was obama/ palin/ bush, which i thought made perfect sense, maybe. it's not like anyone just gets 'elected' to these kinds of positions...
"a good fight justifies any cause"

Adios

More bullets struck the Pentagon in a shooting Tuesday than initially thought, officials said.

"It has been determined that at least six shots were fired," Steven Calvery, director of the Pentagon Force Protection Agency, said in a statement Wednesday. "As previously stated, two exterior windows were impacted by bullets. Upon investigation, it has been determined that four other bullets hit the Pentagon's facade."

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/10/20/dc.pentagon.shots.fired/index.html?hpt=T2

:lulz:

WHERE IS THE "T" WORD, DAMMIT?

Nephew Twiddleton

Quote from: Charley Brown on October 20, 2010, 06:16:09 PM
More bullets struck the Pentagon in a shooting Tuesday than initially thought, officials said.

"It has been determined that at least six shots were fired," Steven Calvery, director of the Pentagon Force Protection Agency, said in a statement Wednesday. "As previously stated, two exterior windows were impacted by bullets. Upon investigation, it has been determined that four other bullets hit the Pentagon's facade."

http://www.cnn.com/2010/CRIME/10/20/dc.pentagon.shots.fired/index.html?hpt=T2

:lulz:

WHERE IS THE "T" WORD, DAMMIT?

We don't use the T word anymore. This is the era of HOPE dammit!   :lulz:
Strange and Terrible Organ Laminator of Yesterday's Heavy Scene
Sentence or sentence fragment pending

Soy El Vaquero Peludo de Oro

TIM AM I, PRIMARY OF THE EXTRA-ATMOSPHERIC SIMIANS