Working Title

[Idem]

This story I am working on - a work in progress - I would like to have some criticism about it - but I will have more, probably tomorrow.   

                It is amazing, that, as I never have found the need to blather about myself - or - write in this manner whatsoever, I find it necessary to communicate the events of these past few months.  I am a scientist, a chemist - as are my peers, and was happy to be that; and only that, until two months ago.

,ĶUntil.

   It was a beautiful Spring Evening on the streets of District Four, as always.  The dim rays of the sun, now brighter than usual, shined brilliantly through the arboretum-like canvas that was the Glass Dome.  The sunshine skimmed and skipped across the rooftops of the small shops of the area quite beautifully.  I was on my way to the Chemistry Utensil Shop of the area, for earlier during study I had broken a few necessary flasks.  While browsing the shop,Äôs wares, I found the needed supplies, along with a few generic items that were more improved than  tools of the previous day.  I picked them up as well, paid the necessary credits, and then left, with a profound need to relax from the day,Äôs study.  I headed toward the usual place - the refreshment area down the street.
   There was much clatter as I entered the refreshment area - all of the fellow chemists were speaking of their recent study.  One was boasting of his improvements on the current military formula for the ,Äúpaste,Äù of their ,Äústicky bomb,Äù.  Another was discussing with a peer how he had a dilemma with his current assignment - improving upon a deodorizing formula used in District Two.

,ÄúHello, Joseph.,Äù  The barman said, ,ÄúThe usual?,Äù
,ÄúYes, Percy.,Äù  I said.

   When I received my order, I began munching on nutritional supplement #49 along with a glass of purified water.  As I was eating, I couldn,Äôt help but notice the peculiarities of the man sitting next to me.  He looked disgruntled, and was awkwardly slumped over the bar, picking at his food, and grimacing as he put it in his mouth.  He barely had a head of hair - usually people would wear caps in this instance.  However, I finally recognized him.

   ,ÄúRonald Burns!,Äù. I said, enthusiastically.  Ronald was renowned for his work in collaboration with District Two - the medical studies district - as a biochemist.  At one time, he was part of the Hierarchy - able to choose his own work instead of having the state choose it for him.
   ,ÄúWhat of it?,Äù, he said, with a scornful look.  ,ÄúOh, you,Äôre that Joseph Cardly fellow - aren,Äôt you?  We worked together on that blasted Hanover project, correct?,Äù
   ,ÄúYes.,Äù  I said, though shocked that he would refer to his studies as ,Äúblasted,Äù.
   We talked no more, though I still did notice peculiarities about his manner - and he drank no water, but drank from some archaic silver flask, a container I hadn,Äôt seen in a long time.  After a while, he staggered off, and his eccentric walk attracted the attention of fellow bar-goers.

[LMNO]

I'll need more material before I can properly comment on it.

One thing though - You'll either need to change the tone and flavor of the writing, or adhere strictly to the current form.

[Idem]

By the time I had gotten home, I had completely forgotten about the incident at the refreshment area; my mind had stopped wandering, and was solely devoted to my studies.  I was contemplating over how to complete my current assignment - improving the efficiency of the water purification process.  Though it seemed their current chemicals used were affordable and good for the method, they needed some change, no matter how minor.  I turned it around and around in my head, and came up with several ideas, until falling asleep in my chamber.
   
   *BLEEP*

   The loud alarm sounded throughout the entire district, signifying the time for all chemists to get back to their studies.  After a long walk, and much forcing my way through the morning commute, I arrived at ChemLab # 5 in time.  There, I found my working area, and tested ideas I had formed the night before - all had failed.  I stood idle for a bit, pondering as to what other alternatives I could come up with - and an idea struck me.  I plugged it into the computer terminal to see if it would *hypothetically* work - and it did - I went onto testing.  It took several hours, but I was finally able to rig up a small filtering system (with given supplies for the assignment), and the chemicals were successful in purifying it.  Also, they were economically cheaper to manufacture.  I recorded it immediately into the computer terminal, at which point I had to wait a little while; the hierarchy would have to look over it.
   
They okayed it, and gave me another assignment:  improving upon a cleaning product devised specifically for the absorption of oil, all while remaining cost-effective.  I was given four days maximum in which to complete this.
   
I studied on this matter for the rest of the day, but the bell for home-going had tolled, so I went to the District Five commercial area again.  I stopped by the shop, and picked up a few necessary items, but then went on to the refreshment area.  The same routine again - I ordered my #49 and water (which seemed better-tasting now).  Then, while at the bar,  I remembered of yesterday,Äôs incident with Ronald Burns.  I looked out the corner of my eye, and he was sitting a seat down, picking at his food and sipping his water.

I said, feebly ,ÄúHello, Ronald.,Äù
He responded ,ÄúHello, Joseph.,Äù
There was a bit of awkward silence, but he wasn,Äôt as awkward acting as last time - though still seemed disgruntled.
,ÄúAre you ill?,Äù  I asked, hoping to break the silence.
,ÄúHrmph, I wonder,Ķ,Äù

   He then turned and looked sharply at me, and seemed to be studying my countenance.

,ÄúYou haven,Äôt been studying enough - have you?  No, they don,Äôt make you work hard enough.  You have time to actually think once in a while.  I can see it in your face; don,Äôt let them promote you, kid, they,Äôll make your head fill to the brim with that funk.,Äù

   I stood there, amazed; at the time, I couldn,Äôt make sense of any of it.  I was curious, but I could only put small pieces of what he said, out of context, and make sense of them.

   He then turned from my face, went through his pockets, and brought out a pen.  He then got one of the bar napkins, and scribbled on it.  He shoved the note in my hand, got up, and left immediately.  I then looked at the napkin - the writing upon it was heavily smudged, but I was able to make it out.

,ÄúTomorrow, after study - District 5, demolition works #3.,Äù

   I wondered why he wanted to meet privately - and in the Physics Studies District, of all places.  On my way home, I wondered why - but I mostly speculated on what his claims meant.  Did he mean I was studying too little, or too much?  The latter was ludicrous, but he worded it in a manner that made it vaguely appear to be both.  I turned this over and over in my head through the night; and as I was in my chamber, going to sleep.

[LMNO]

Ok, I'm grooving on this.  Keep it up.

[Triple Zero]

i always need to find a littlebit of time to read the longer pieces, but be assured, as long as this keeps getting bumped, i'll catch it when i have the 10 minutes of focus i need for it

[Idem]

Ok, I'm grooving on this.  Keep it up.

i always need to find a littlebit of time to read the longer pieces, but be assured, as long as this keeps getting bumped, i'll catch it when i have the 10 minutes of focus i need for it

Otay.




PART 2  (The last two parts were all Part 1)

   *BLEEP*

   I awoke, quite drowsily.  I promptly made my way to ChemLab #5, where I began study.  I ran quite a few tests on possible ways to improve upon the oil absorption formula, but none worked.  There were those that did the job better, but weren,Äôt as financially affordable as what was in current usage.  After those, I came up with a few more ideas, but once I put them on paper, they didn,Äôt seem at all practical.  I continued coming up with impractical ideas until the home-going bell rang.

   As usual, I went to the shop and picked up a few essential items, that were improved upon from yesterday.  As I was leaving the shop, I headed on my way to the refreshment area - but then it struck me.  I had completely forgotten about Ronald Burns.  Hurriedly, I called for a taxi.  One arrived, and I ordered him to take me to District Five, to the demolition works area.  The closer we got to the physics district, the louder the clanging was - the district was alive with many sounds as I got there:  beeps, whistles, the smashing of large objects such as cars.  I was still wondering why he would want to meet in such a noisy place, especially at the epicenter of it, the demolition works.
   
When I got there, I looked for are #3, and found it.  It was walled in, for the most part, and I couldn,Äôt figure out where he would be.  However, while looking around, I saw a hand motioning me from the corner of the wall - Ronald Burns.  I went around the corner, and saw him.  It was rather dark, because the alley was covered by the concrete that connected demolition works #3 to #2.  He motioned me forward again (though I could barely see his figure).  Once I got to him, my eyes had fairly adjusted, and I could make out his face.  His lips were moving, but I could not hear him due to the sounds in the area.  I got closer, and turned my left ear towards him.

   ,ÄúYou,Äôve taken a while, Joseph.,Äù he stated.
   ,ÄúYes, I nearly forgot about meeting you here - why did you want to meet here?,Äù
   ,ÄúMicrophones.  They,Äôre scattered all over this damned place.  They haven,Äôt found a way to drown out the sound in the demolition works, so here we are.  I knew you would come.,Äù
   ,ÄúWhy speak here, then?  What did you want to say without the presence of microphones?,Äù
   ,ÄúI think you have a vague idea.  You know perfectly well, in the back of your mind, what,Äôs going on here.,Äù
   ,ÄúStudy.  You spoke of study in strange terms.,Äù
   ,ÄúNo, I spoke of work in ,Äòstrange,Äô terms.  What you and I am doing is not study, it,Äôs work.  Study romanticizes what you are doing in that lab quite a bit - what you are doing is work.,Äù
   
,ÄúWhat,Äôs the difference?  I go to work, go home from work, and --,Äù
   He interrupted ,ÄúYou,Äôre supposed to get paid for work, boy - you,Äôre being enslaved.  You go to work, go home from work, eat, sleep, drink water, and then go back to work again.  All this - for instance - for yesterday, when you invented a new way for the state to purify the water.  You didn,Äôt get anything for succeeding, did you?  No.  Yet everybody here, and everybody outside, got cleaner water for your slavery.,Äù
   ,ÄúOutside?,Äù
   
,ÄúYou weren,Äôt aware of there being an outside?,Äù
   ,ÄúYes, scientifically there is, but we,Äôre the complex - this is where we live, where everybody lives.,Äù
   ,ÄúHave you always went blindly with that?,Äù
   ,Äú-No.  I,Äôve wondered where the supplies would be coming from.  Not all of them could come from the complex - but how is that relevant?,Äù
   
,ÄúIt,Äôs relevant because you,Äôre effecting the outside - everything this complex does is for the outside.  Everything that was taught to you in school said that this was irrelevant, and only study - work, was relevant.  They taught you formulas, equations, scientific facts about chemistry, and that was it.  They filled your head with it, and pushed you out - only a few days ago at the age of sixteen.  They seem to be finishing your lessons younger and younger - I remember being twenty-two when I was released to work.  And now nothing at all matters, except study.  They,Äôre going to promote you - I can see it in your face; your head hasn,Äôt been completely filled yet - they need to promote you so you can think of study, and only study.,Äù
   
I was a bit struck by what he was saying - it was true, and yet when applied in negative context it sounded horrific.  I asked him what was outside, but that,Äôs where he stumbled.  He said that it was time for him to go to District Four, and suggested I did the same.  He walked down the other end of the alley and disappeared around the corner.
   
I called for a taxi, it came, and I asked the driver to take me to the District Four living area.  When I got home, I nearly could not go to sleep, thinking of what had been said.  I turned it over and over in my mind - and was able to accept his words, but was unable to completely consider their relevance.  I finally got to sleep in my chamber.

[Idem]

Btw I prolly wont be posting another part for a bit.

[Payne]

Hey! I'm really enjoying this, now that i've had a chance to read it properly.

I thought it was getting a bit Orwellian (in a repetion of 1984 kind of way), but it did change quite suddenly. In a good way.


~~~~~Meh.... I'm no literary critic....

[Idem]

I thought it was getting a bit Orwellian (in a repetion of 1984 kind of way), but it did change quite suddenly. In a good way.

Was originally inspired by that type of literature (Brave New World, 1984, We, F. 451, etc), but I was inspired in Chemistry class, two days ago, about a different type of Utopian society.

One in which, contrary to said novels, the spread of total ignorance was not the aim.  It would be to fill the person's head with knowledge that would benefit the state - and to literally fill the person's head with it, so they would be able to think of nothing else.  Just their studies.

[Payne]

Yeah, that was the difference I noticed between this and the genre I refered to. A futuristic(-ish) world where even science has been packaged down and controlled into a day by day job.

Like'say, I'm no critic and await the next installment.

[LMNO]

I do indeed like where this is going.

It resonates very well, but it doesn't beat you over the head with it.

[Idem]

Well, thankyou.

[saint aini]

more

[Idem]

PART 3

*BLEEP*

   The alarm resounded again, but this time, I awoke startled.  I was somehow surprised by it, and I bumped my head quite hard on the ceiling of my chamber.  After flinching back in pain, I angrily jabbed the button at my side, opening it.  I sat up and stumbled out of the casket-like bed, still in pain.  However, I was able to recuperate and go to work, drowsy as I was.  I got to ChemLab #5, but as I was still quite tired out, I basically sat and did nothing for ten minutes.  I knew I had to get back to my studies, however, and started running some tests on the oil absorption particles.

   Then, an idea struck me; I thought of a compound that would allow for more vacuous space within the particles, while not causing them to collapse due to the copious amounts of oil within them.  I ran it through the computer terminal, and it validated this method, so I went on to make some particles using this compound.  I tested them, and they worked; absorbing 20% more oil than before, while remaining at the same cost-effectiveness.  I promptly sent the data to hierarchy, and they okayed it after thirty minutes.  The computer terminal began sputtering, and a voice came on.

   ,ÄúDue to your study efficiency, we have decided to promote you.  Congratulations, you will now be moving on to more crucial study.  With your increase in credits, you can now buy more advanced tools.  Your next study will be a collaboration with a ,ÄúDarren Smith,Äù in the medical district; you are to develop a solution for eliminating a certain virus in human beings.  You have five days.  We will have to organize for your collaboration, but please familiarize yourself with the subject in the meantime.  You have a maximum of five days to work on this study.,Äù

   At first, I had a sense of accomplishment, but it quickly dwindled into a sense of fear.  Promotion was one of the things Ronald admonished against - and very forebodingly.  I knew I couldn,Äôt decline the promotion without warranting suspicion - but I wondered how I would go about losing it.  I looked over the subject material for the project, but the thought kept running through my mind - along with other things Ronald had told me.  The bell for home-going rang, and I hurried straightaway to the refreshment area, not even stopping by the wares shop.

   I went to the bar and ordered, this time, a #35 and some water.  I looked to my side, and saw Ronald Burns sitting beside me.

   ,ÄúWe must stop seeing each other here, boy.,Äù , he said.
   ,ÄúWhy?,Äù
   ,ÄúWe meet all the time, at this place - they,Äôll grow suspicious.  No more meetings here.,Äù
   ,ÄúThen, where?,Äù
   ,ÄúThere is a private area I know of - supervised by a friend.  We meet in District Three, the Educational District.  There is a building there - my friend teaches in it.  Go to School #2, after study in two days, to room #13.  However, do not take a taxi directly there.  Take one to another area in the district, preferably as far away as possible.,Äù
   ,ÄúI got promoted.,Äù

   As I said that, he looked at me inquisitively.  ,ÄúI knew they would.  Just take my advice:  make them think you are doing your job.  Perhaps even do it, but never come up with a viable solution.,Äù

   He then left, and I sat there, eating my #35 and drinking my water, thinking about what he said, and memorized where he said to report to.  After eating, I left and went home, to go to sleep in my chamber.

[HBOMB]

And....more please.