RWHN's Pun House

[Jasper]

I am now an acolyte of Priapus, unofficially.   When I pass out one-liners of wisdom, can I call them priapisms?

[Cramulus]

maxman   let us speak philosophy
Cram   I kant!
Burns   you can too
Burns   it's your nietzsche

[Cramulus]

from http://fstop23.posterous.com/

1. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead racoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger."

2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. One turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive."

5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?", they asked, as they moved off. "Because," he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."

8. A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

  9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and, with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

  10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

[Brotep]

Did you hear about the scarecrow who won the Nobel Prize?

He really stood out in his field.

[Rumckle]

From facebook:

Did you hear that the gamma ray that was deflected out of a piece of Graphite is releasing a rap album?
Apparently it's titled "Straight Outta Compton."

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

What kind of bees make milk instead of honey?





Bewbees.

[AFK]

Let him Finnish putting on his flotation device or else Helsinki. 

[AFK]

The veteran cartographer really knew how to make his mark on the world. 

[AFK]

It is unbelievably difficult to stay alert with attention headache. 

[AFK]

The pirate's favorite chore is yAAARRRRd work. 

[AFK]

What do you call a fish that has been caught and released many times?

A hole-y mackerel. 

[AFK]

Trojan is introducing a new line of condoms made from frog skin.  They are ribbit for her pleasure.  



RWHN,
I think I may have gone too far

[BadBeast]

What do you call a blind Stag?

No idea.

[Chairman Risus]

[AFK]

curse you websense!