ITT: Best Posts of the Day

[Don Coyote]

JESUS FUCK!!!!

[Anna Mae Bollocks]

JESUS FUCK!!!!

DRUGS ARE BAD, KIDS! 

[P3nT4gR4m]

Before it gets lost in the forthcoming (43?) pages of Roger's inflamed gonads+Roger's inflamed gonads:

THIS FREAD IS NOW ABOUT A FINE ASS.

Ha ha ha! Did you think you could derail the DRUG thread? Ha ha ha!

Here's how drug threads work: some dumb spag gets a hit of the forbidden fread -- just a hit, you know, and he thinks he's not coming back for more. Nah, man, he just wants to be cool with his pals down in the AI. But it hooks into him. Soon, he needs another hit. He's eaten all his potato chips and processed meat sticks, and there's just something so lifeless and bland about these other threads, like Fat City -- christ, so fucking grey and boring. He tries to fight it, but it's just too hard. So he steps back out of his safe, comfortable home and into the mean streets of Roger's inflamed gonads AND Roger's inflamed gonads AND Roger's inflamed gonads.

Here's the thing though, it's not just him. No, he got into it because of all his friends. And his other friends are hearing from him now. He's offering them statistics and drama. They're intrigued and scared -- what if he won't be their friend if they don't try it? So they do. And now they're hooked.

Soon you have spags swapping case studies and cheap insults in the halls of Apple Talk -- it's not acceptable.

We can't just tolerate this, you know? It's a disease, not just for Apple Talk, but for all the spags who go there, and even -- dare I say it -- all of the PD of com. It's not SAFE. Now, some places, see, they go whole hog -- they take the users and they ban them. They can't get back in, they have that stigma now -- "oh, you're one of the Roger's inflamed gonads AND Roger's inflamed gonads guys. Yeah, I have somewhere to be right now." They're stuck in THE SYSTEM now, and it ruins their lives.

But I prefer to work on the level of education and prevention. I believe we can have a more wholesome PD by taking the users aside, and putting them through treatment programs and educating them on the dangers of drug threads. There's just one issue -- with drug threads running rampant in our glorious forum, I can't complete the HOLY MISSION that I've chosen to follow. Without prohibition, there's no way that we can keep our spags safe from Roger's inflamed gonads AND Roger's inflamed gonads AND Roger's inflamed gonads AND Roger's inflamed gonads.

And that is just unacceptable.

Gold. And if that doesn't cover the entire fucking thread I don't care.

Damn near pissed myself.   

I think I like this noob/old poster come back from the dead

[Junkenstein]

because you motherfuckers deserve nothing less.

because I'm bringing them all down with me.

because I can't shake the FABULOUS, even when it gives me an erection lasting more than 4 hours.

because the Law of Fives, somehow.

THERE MUST BE 23 WAYS TO LEAVE YOUR LOVER.

A RUSTY TROMBONE, JOAN
A SANDPAPER HANDY, MANDY
STAB A HIPSTER WITH A PEN, KEN
A TRACHEOTOMY THAT WENT BADLY, HADLEY

JUST DON'T GIVE A FUCK, BUCK
MAKE A MECHANICAL MAN, FRAN

Those last 4 lines caused me to make highly unusual noises in an inappropriate place. Well played Gents.

[LMNO]

I'm just happy that "Hadley" is an actual name.

[Cain]

It's not.  Nowhere civilized, anyway.

[LMNO]

Don't forget, I'm an American.

[Cain]

That's what I said, nowhere civilized.

[LMNO]

I'm just happy that "Hadley" is an actual name.

It's not.  Nowhere civilized, anyway.

Don't forget, I'm an American.

That's what I said, nowhere civilized.

[/meta]

[Triple Zero]

I'm just happy that "Hadley" is an actual name.

It's not.  Nowhere civilized, anyway.

Don't forget, I'm an American.

That's what I said, nowhere civilized.

[/meta]

[Eater of Clowns]

OFUK PD over.   

[Salty]

OCCUPY * MOVEMENT

PRIMARY GOALS: Eliminate Corporate Greed, man!

PRIMARY STRATEGY: Shit in public parks, be obnoxious to nearby businesses, and smell bad.

ORGANIZATIONAL STRUCTURE: None

SPOKESPERSON: Anyone with a megaphone

REASON FOR FAILURE: Gee I wonder.

[the last yatto]

For being an awesome story that should be saved for the generations:

I was walking past a Charity shop earlier today, and something caught my eye. So I went in, and found this  golden apple on a shelf by the window. "Sweet" I thought. Looked at the price, and it was only £1.50.
So I picked it up, and went to the cash desk to buy it. 



There's this old woman in front of me, buying about twenty woollen hats for her rabble of Grandchildren at Christmas. And she's going "And this one's for our Danny, because he's got a scarf that colour, the green one's for our Sheila's oldest, Zacky, he's got a big fat head . . . . .  " and just went rattling on and on. The Woman serving her was even older. She must have been about 160 yrs old, and was having Tech issues with the Till. "I can't remember what I pressed now Dais," She said.

Then she started adding up the figures on paper and like, I'm in a hurry. But I'm nothing if not the very epitome of helpful patience, so I stopped glowering at the back of the first old bag's head, and asked the technically challenged Cashier if maybe giving the Till "A bit of a Bang" with something heavy might help.

Oooh, no" She said. "I shul prolly get saack if I starts banging sruff about, . .   . . . Again".    She laughed. The good natured, but slightly cracked laugh of a far younger Woman 
"S OK moi Luvver, nurly done"
So I smile at her, but my mind is screaming "Get a fucking move on you useless old Cow".
She took the Apple, and said "Sorry to keep you waitin' love, but but Daisy dún't half go on"

"Don't bother yourself" I said.  "It's not like I'm in a hurry or anything" I lied.
"It's a bit scratched on the bottom there" she pointed out a tiny fleck of of that had come off.gilding. "Doesn't matter" I said. "Whenever I see a Golden Apple, I just have to buy it".
She cocked her wizened head to the side for a second, and said "Oh, I understand, I'm just the same myself."                                  Then she gave me my change, and handed me the bag,

with the Apple in it. And here's the bit that  totally blew me away.
As she handed it over, she leaned in close and said "Hail Eris"
My jaw hit yhe floor.But I managed a quick "All Hail Discordiq"  response in as I  left.

Wow.

[Sir Bearington]

Most definitely not one of my posts for sure.

[the last yatto]

Money, as RAW said, is the Schroedinger's cat of society.

In a sense.

You can own it, but it has no value if you keep it.  You can use it to increase your standard of living, but then you don't own it.

Roger quoting raw makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, either that or its gas...