ITT: Best Posts of the Day

[Cramulus]

FACT: As part of their training, Secret Service officers must watch Season Five of 24.  If they laugh even once at the implausibility of the entire plot, they are automatically failed the course.

Its the same way you get into the Catholic church.

[Cain]

OH MY GOD WAHT IS THIS FUCKING BULLSHIT

Your potty mouth will not be tolerated at my nice, wholesome family forum 

http://p3nt4gr4m.com/boards/index.php?topic=279.msg1772#msg1772

I have the original safe and sound. Sacrifice your firstborn in my name and I might be persuaded to give it you back 

P3NT:
I WILL DESTROY YOUR FACE WITH MY BALLS
MY BALLS CANNOT BE STOPPED
THEY CANNOT EVEN BE CONTAINED YOU FUCK

EAT A PLANET OF SHIT
POPULATION: YOU

DICKBALLS

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Hey!  I said put in a dryer sheet.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I contend that, with few exceptions, forums suck, and are the domain of hacks.

[Pariah]

You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has forums. And those forums have to be guarded by men with balls. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Dr. Hoopla? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Lysergic and you curse the Trolls. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know: that Lysergic's browbeating, while tragic, probably saved intrigue. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves intrigue...You don't want the truth. Because deep down, in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that forum. You need me on that forum. We use words like flame, troll, pwn...we use these words as the backbone to a life spent defending something. You use 'em as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very lulz I provide, then questions the manner in which I provide it! I'd rather you just said thank you and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a keyboard and post a flame. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you're entitled to!

[Idem]

This thread is mired in Cartesian dualism.

[LMNO]

They may not crawl around in your ears, but if you catch one and hold onto it, it pinches you! MEAN, smelly creatures, I tell you!

Were you talking about humans, or earwigs?

[Cramulus]

"Gerald was homophobic. He had a deep hatred and detestation of homosexuality, which he regarded as a disgusting perversion and a flagrant transgression of natural law....'There are no homosexual witches, and it is not possible to be a homosexual and a witch' Gerald almost shouted. No one argued with him."
           -Lois Bourne, (one of the High Priestesses of the Bricket Wood coven) Dancing with Witches. (2006)

Gerald Gardner prolly had no opinion about homosexuality either way, right up until Crowley came in his mouth 

[the last yatto]

Yatto Dobbs waited. The lights above him blinked and sparked out of the air. There were virgins in the forum. He didn't see them, but had expected them now for years. His warnings to The Mgt were not listenend to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Yatto was a Prison Bitch for fifty posts. When he was young he watched the internets and he said to dad "I want to be on the internets daddy."
Dad said "No! You will BE KILL BY HIMEOBS"
There was a time when he believed him. Then as he got oldered he stopped. But now in the internet forum base of PD he knew there were virgins.
"This is Faust" the radio crackered. "You must fight the virgins!"
So Yatto gotted his palsma rifle and blew up the wall.
"HE GOING TO KILL US" said the virgins
"I will shoot at him" said the cybervirgin and he fired the rocket missiles. Yatto plasmaed at him and tried to blew him up. But then the ceiling fell and they were trapped and not able to kill.
"No! I must kill the virgins" he shouted
The radio said "No, Yatto. You are the virgins"
And then Yatto was enlightened.

[P3nT4gR4m]

Did I ever tell you about the time TTM took me out to go get a drink with him? We go off looking for a bar and we can't find one. Finally TTM takes me to a vacant lot and says, 'Here we are.' We sat there for a year and a half—until sure enough, someone constructs a bar around us. Well, the day they opened we ordered a shot, drank it, and then burned the place to the ground.

TTM yelled over the roar of the flames, "Always leave things the way you found 'em!"

[the last yatto]

 

|̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ HE̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡waits beh̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̕̚̕̚ ̔̕̚̕̚҉ ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚ ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̔̕̚̕̚̕̚̕̚҉̒̓̔̕̚ ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚ind the w҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̚̕̚҉all Z҉A҉L҉G҉O̚̕̚ will s҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚ ̕̚̕̚ing ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ ̔̕ ̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̕̚̕̚ ̡̢̛̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̚ ̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔ the҉҉ ̵̡̢̢̛̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓ song that҉̡̢̡̢̛̛̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑ ends the w҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚orld

YOU CANNOT RUN
҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚        ҉̵̞̟̠̖̗̘̙̜̝̞̟̠͇̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̊̋̌̍̎̏̐̑̒̓̔̿̿̿̕̚̕̚͡ ̒̓̔̕̚
YOU CANNOT HIDE

H҉҉҉E҉ CO̚̕̚̚̕̚MES!

[Suu]

Oh holy fucking cuntchrist. My right eyeball is twitching. Oh, I fucking hate you all. I hope each and every one of you washes your hands in a public restroom in which the bag in the soap dispenser has been replaced by a full colostomy bag.

And wade, I swear to fucking testicles that if you pollute my inbox again with your fucking whining I will personally email your picture to every Afghani militant I know with the words "THIS MAN HAS THE GAY FOR ALLAH" printed on it.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

 

STD,
wonders how many Afghani militants ECH knoas...

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

at my school.. the cop from DARE passed around 3 joints to show everyone... and he said "if i dont get all three of these back this schools getting locked down and everyones getting searched till i find it.." and like 30 minutes later when everyone got to see 'em and they got passed back the cop had 4

[Pariah]

BEST DISNEY VILLAIN??????????????