ITT: Best Posts of the Day

[Suu]

Wuss. Yeah, the main reason I cut my hair was that fucking shit, but I tend to find the entire East Coast is one big fucking humid swamp anyway, we just don't have to deal with it for part of the year up here (Though Providence's sky tends to burn a nice orange thanks to the Boston and NYC smog that drifts).

Ever go to DC/Baltimore in August? 

[LMNO]

Used to live there.  I know what you're talking about.

[Iason Ouabache]

Hairless cats look like vaginas turned inside-out, but with legs and eyes.

Fuck all Nigel. You just raped my brain.

[Cramulus]

Opportunity for Roger. 

Listen, shit for brains, people are ALWAYS an "opportunity for Roger".  Everyone.  Everywhere.  Not just when they're all whiny and emo and full of excuses, but ALWAYS.  Why?  Because I hate you.

You haven't done anything in particular to deserve that hate, but I hate you anyway.  I'm like Jesus, only bitter, vindictive, and hateful.

So understand this:  I am not hating on you because you are an emo whiner, but because you are a fucking hairless ape.  I do not wait until people are down to kick them, it just SEEMS that way because my boot looks bigger when you're lying on your back in the figurative gutter, whining about how rough life is, while doing things to ensure that it gets worse ("Hi, I'm broke!  I'm gonna go out and buy alcohol!").

I got your "light-hearted", pal.  Well, I HAD it, but I KILLED it.  I killed it with the poisonous bile that dribbles out of my mouth, and the XDR syphilis that leaks from my very pores.  Then I fucking buried it in the sandbox of the local schoolyard, just to teach the little bastards what's what, come next recess.

Or kill me.

[Suu]

I must have missed when they repealed the patriot act that allowed the president to declare martial law and retain power under just about any emergency situation, but they're not teaching that to first graders.

Sorry you don't find this funny, in a really sad lets have some nice music while the ship sinks sort of way, but someone else might.


Just trying to comiserate.

Bush/Cheney 08 isn't funny, under any circumstances.  Bush/Cheney is a foul stinking bowel evacuation that you just want to flush away and not ever, ever see again.  They don't even warrant satirical bumper stickers at this point. 

Silence for the first 10 seconds or so, but then the powerful, thunderous farts start.  The volume of these rat-a-tat farts is incredible, along the lines of elk antlers clashing or a large tree cracking as it is felled.  There are rumors (unconfirmed) that local police have recorded these airbeefs at 103db.  Of course splattering sounds accompany these inhuman shit/air rumblings, and occasional a large volume of water/shit is heard to be splashed out on the floor.  The end of the BM is usually about a 45-second high pitch whiner fart, followed by 4 or 5 successive powershit deposits.  If you could put shit in those T-shirt cannons they use at sports arenas, and then shoot the shit into water at close range, then you could reproduce these splash sounds.  BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.  You actually feel bad for the toilet after this.  All the while TGRR sings Opera in response to exceptionally disgusting discharges.  The end of the experience is a muffled rubbing sound as TGRR wipes with bath towels, and the occasional slapping sound as he swats the soiled towels against the bathroom wall, creating messes that populate Arizona lore regarding nightmare election year experiences.

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

yep, down here in teh swarmp yew can swett bukkits even on a kewl day
   \

[Idem]

 

[Cainad (dec.)]

Also we are insulating ourselves with each other, which sounds a little orgiastic to me.

Did I just get laid?

[Cramulus]

[Mein Kampf is] really, really, REALLY fucking boring.  Imagine the whiniest Livejournal ever, and add Jews, then set it in the 1920s and 30s.  That is Mein Kampf. 

[Cain]

100% truth.

[Iason Ouabache]

Your mind is rebelling at your bog-awful existence.  You need chemicals!  Illegal ones!  And illicit sex!

[Sir Squid Diddimus]

yep, down here in teh swarmp yew can swett bukkits even on a kewl day
   \

what the fuck was i talking about here?

sometimes i just dont know where the hell i am.

sorry guys ~shrug~

[Idem]

 

[Richter]

As much as I like Heinlein, I would like fucking him in the ass even more.

[Suu]

Nothing amazing really.  Everyone wants a moustache.



Look at that glorious spag.

If that fat guy is fucking that princess, there's hope for me yet.


LMNO
-desperately wants to fuck a fat plumber.