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ITT: Best Posts of the Day

Started by Cramulus, April 13, 2007, 11:33:09 PM

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Jenne

#735
October 29, 2008, 02:34:27 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend RogerIn case you're interested, I have a FASCINATING intestinal issue going on here.  I am outgassing like a CHAMP!  I swear to fucking God, I just farted IN COLOR!  And the last time I took a healthy shit?  Don't get me started.  I may need a new toilet.  I'm fairly certain I shat MY OWN BODY WEIGHT. 

It was one of those things, you know, like silence for the first 10 seconds or so, but then the powerful, thunderous farts start.  The volume of these rat-a-tat farts is incredible, along the lines of elk antlers clashing or a large tree cracking as it is felled.  There are rumors (unconfirmed) that local police have recorded these airbeefs at 103db.  Of course splattering sounds accompany these inhuman shit/air rumblings, and occasional a large volume of water/shit is heard to be splashed out on the floor.  The end of the BM is usually about a 45-second high pitch whiner fart, followed by 4 or 5 successive powershit deposits.  If you could put shit in those T-shirt cannons they use at sports arenas, and then shoot the shit into water at close range, then you could reproduce these splash sounds.  BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM.  You actually feel bad for the toilet after this.  All the while I sing Opera in response to exceptionally disgusting discharges.  The end of the experience is a muffled rubbing sound as I wipe with bath towels, and the occasional slapping sound as I swat the soiled towels against the bathroom wall, creating messes that populate Arizona lore regarding nightmare public restroom experiences.

The Good Reverend Roger

#736
October 29, 2008, 02:48:04 AM
What?  I had to go.
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Jenne

#737
October 29, 2008, 02:49:31 AM
Quote from: The Good Reverend Roger on October 29, 2008, 02:48:04 AM
What?  I had to go.

Yes, that was part of it alright.  :lulz:  Twas a great post.

Cramulus

#738
November 04, 2008, 04:58:08 PM
Quote from: Enrico Salazar on November 04, 2008, 04:52:20 PM
Be happy, Like Bobby McFerrin used to be before Enrico made him personal fuckmuppet.

Shibboleet The Annihilator

#739
November 05, 2008, 07:53:56 AM
Quote from: YattoDobbs on October 29, 2008, 08:39:03 PM
I want to create a pension to ban history from our schools.

Something about having to prep ourselves from time travelers who will use our own history books against us

or

:?

See, this is why I don't show up very often these days.

Iason Ouabache

#740
November 05, 2008, 06:06:39 PM
Quote from: Payne on November 05, 2008, 04:52:54 PM
(Punch it, Hurb
Yo, I don't think we should talk about this
Come on, why not?
People might misunderstand what we're tryin' to say, you know?
No, but that's a part of life)

Come on

Let's talk about Sub Genii
Let's talk about you and me
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sects
Let's talk about sects
Let's talk about sects
Let's talk about sects

Let's talk about sects for now to the people at home or in the crowd
It keeps coming up anyhow
Don't decoy, avoid, or make void the topic
Cuz that ain't gonna stop it
Now we talk about sects on the radio and video shows
Many will know anything goes
Let's tell it how it is, and how it could be
How it was, and of course, how it should be
Those who think it's dirty have a choice
Pick up the needle, press pause, or turn the radio off
Will that stop us, Pep? I doubt it
All right then, come on, Spin

Hot to trot, make any man's eyes pop
She use what she got to get whatever she don't got
Fellas drool like fools, but then again they're only human
The chick was a hit because her body was boomin'
Gold, pearls, rubies, crazy diamonds
Nothin' she ever wore was ever common
Her dates heads of state, men of taste
Lawyers, doctors, no one was too great for her to get with
Or even mess with, the Prez she says was next on her list
And believe me, you, it's as good as true
There ain't a man alive that she couldn't get next to
She had it all in the bag so she should have been glad
But she was mad and sad and feelin' bad
Thinkin' about the things that she never had
No love, just sects, followed next with a check and a note
That last night was dope

Let's talk about Sub Genii (sing it)
Let's talk about you and me (sing it, sing it)
Let's talk about all the good things
And the bad things that may be
Let's talk about sects (come on)
Let's talk about sects (do it)
Let's talk about sects (uh-huh)
Let's talk about sects

Ladies, all the ladies, louder now, help me out
Come on, all the ladies - let's talk about sects, all right

(Yo, Pep, I don't think they're gonna play this on the radio
And why not? Everybody has sects
I mean, everybody should be makin' love
Come on, how many guys you know make love?)
You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck i do not give.
    \
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Shibboleet The Annihilator

#741
November 11, 2008, 12:52:35 AM
Quote from: Mangrove on October 21, 2008, 09:17:08 PM
Greetings I am Vampire who seen the hate of vampires on and offline... I'm not talking roll playing people, but the real thing... Real Vampire Haters hurting Real Vampires... A girl can only do so muc offline in a small christian town to stop vampire hate, where she is only vampire... BUT she can try and perhaps make a difference online for Vampires... To stop the vampire hate online....
So this what this is... A Site and Group to stop Vampire Haters. Not through violence like Vampire Haters, who stalk and usually end up hurting the vampires, but by saying We will not be silent no longer! We have rights! No one should face any type hate due to color, race, religion, clothes, whatever... So why should we vampires put with the hate?

No we shouldn't. We should say, "No, we have rights, we have feelings, we will NOT be silent and let this happen!" People may snicker and say "Real vampires?" Yes, real vampires... We are hurt or stalked in real life and haters started taking their work online. I get e-mails from some haters and had to change my e-mail address several time.

First off I will state this now before anyone gets a little nervous- We will not use violence, we set ourselves with morals and better then those "hunters" and "stalkers". It's sick and twisted that a everyday person would hunt one of us all because we are different!!!

We have members and supporters... Vampires are very welcome to join, so are non-vampires... If you would not like to join, but maybe, support, we will be having some support banners made up soon... Until then look around... Remember- Vampires Have Rights Too, and shouldn't have put up with the hate!
:lulz:  :lulz:  :lulz:

The Good Reverend Roger

#742
November 11, 2008, 02:27:15 AM
Quote from: P3nT4gR4m on November 10, 2008, 10:45:04 PM
I'm all for anarchy. Here's how it's going to work - you're going to come running up to me with your designer dredlocks all waving around excitedly and a big dumbass grin on your pierced to fuck face and tell me that "We Won!" and "The system has been destroyed"

and I'm going to slit your throat, steal anything cool you might have about your person and hang you up to bleed and cure.

Yay anarchy!  :evil:
" It's just that Depeche Mode were a bunch of optimistic loveburgers."
- TGRR, shaming himself forever, 7/8/2017

"Billy, when I say that ethics is our number one priority and safety is also our number one priority, you should take that to mean exactly what I said. Also quality. That's our number one priority as well. Don't look at me that way, you're in the corporate world now and this is how it works."
- TGRR, raising the bar at work.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

#743
November 13, 2008, 08:02:55 AM
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."

Vene

#744
November 13, 2008, 06:04:45 PM
Quote from: Triple Zero on November 13, 2008, 04:48:43 PM
Quote from: East Coast Hustle on November 13, 2008, 02:58:07 AM
From now on, anytime someone whines and gets their vag all sandy about how we treat n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc....

...I will log in as The Mgt and execute a n00b at random.

bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!
bawwwwww stop treating n00bs, pinealists, furries, gothtards, etc like that it's making me vag all sandy!

(srsly, three pages of replies and i'm the first to do this? i really expected that the generic statement of "next time somebody X i threaten to Y" is the discordian equivalent of tying bacon to a cat)

P3nT4gR4m

#745
November 13, 2008, 06:22:34 PM
Quote from: Kai on November 13, 2008, 06:20:25 PM
:aaa:

Wow.

....


Are you sure this isn't satire?

....

I guess satire is over then. Reality has made it obsolete.

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Iason Ouabache

#746
November 18, 2008, 08:27:04 PM
Quote from: Payne on November 18, 2008, 07:33:18 PM
We built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll
Built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll

Say you don't know me or recognize my avatar
Say you don't care who goes to that kind of skanky bar
Knee deep in the Hoopla [I didn't even need to edit that word!!] stinking of your shite
Too many runaways beating up the Lamanite

St. Aini plays the race card, so we flame the retard, don't you remember
We built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll

We built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll
Built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll

Someone always using inappropriate names,
Who cares? They're always cleaning unknown stains
We just want to dance a wango tango with the gays
They call us elitist retards, we won't be the ones tazed

Pinecone posts punctuation, it smells of flatulation , dont you remember
We built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll

We built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll
Built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll

Its just another poster, his ignorance is sweet
Roger has got the choke hold, oh then we just beat our meat

Who counts the numbers underneath the avatar
Who rides the short bus to Hustles pizza bar
Don't tell us you need us, cos we're the ship of tools
Looking for America, or another herd of fools

(I'm looking out over that Apple Talk fudge
Inside on another gorgeous sunny Saturday, not seein' that all my socks are sticky)

Don't you remember (member)(member)

(what's your sex position, pork shoulder, you fuckin' pussy
The forum filled with ghey, the forum that fucks socks, the forum lies with sheep)

Luke Klok Kaos peddles porn, and we don't care any more, don't you remember
We built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll

We built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll
Built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll
Built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll
Built this forum, we built this forum on rock and roll

(we built, we built this forum) built this forum (we built, we built this forum)
You cannot fathom the immensity of the fuck i do not give.
    \
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Manta Obscura

#747
November 18, 2008, 09:32:14 PM
Came across an old post that made me laugh while doing IPD research. Context removed:

Quote from: Cramulus on April 11, 2007, 07:39:56 PM
When I was like 8 I honestly believed that the toilet was alive and that it loved eating my poos. I hung out with it and talked to it when I thought it was lonely. I think my personality today still sort of reflects that.

Everything I wish for myself, I wish for you also.

Cramulus

#748
November 19, 2008, 01:58:37 AM
Quote from: Faust on November 19, 2008, 01:49:29 AM
Quote from: Nigel on November 19, 2008, 12:05:33 AM
What the fuck?

Are WOW people basically a type of furry?

furries are sexual deviants.
wow people are the absence of anything remotely sexual so I would say no.

Sister_Gothique

#749
November 20, 2008, 02:45:52 AM
Quote from: vexati0n on November 20, 2008, 02:39:44 AM
if this is the way canadian military always behaves, no wonder nobody invites them to the really glorious wars.
I'm the new "God's Will"...Soon it'll be, "Oh, I can't be held accountable for THAT, Sister Gothique made me do it!"
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