ITT: Best Posts of the Day

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

FUCK THE SHARK, THAT'S GOING TO BE MY DIVORCE CAKE.

No context needed.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

So I was at this afterhours tonight that had Karaoke and some coked up air-head I don't even know girl whom I will refer to as Santana from here on out sat on my lap out of nowhere and here is the conversation which transpired:

H-Town: So why are you sitting on me, Santana?

Santana: OMG I love your lap. Do you have an extra cigarette for me?

H-Town: I don't think so, I don't even know you.

Santana: Oh come on (pushing herself into me) you totally have an extra smoke.

H-Town: Okay fine, have a cigarette.

Santana: Wow, I love your hat. You're like Frank Sinatra. (Her hand is now on my inner thigh.)

H-Town: Well that is the look I'm going for 

Santana: Hey!.. You're going to sing a song with me.

H-Town: I don't know, I don't really want to sing a song with you.

Santana: Oh come on, please please please please please!

H-Town: No.

Santana: (Pushing herself into me more) Don't be shy, I think you want to sing with me.

H-Town: Okay relax. I'll sing a song with you. Let's sing a Bad Brains song, alright?

Santana: What's a bad brains?

H-Town: Get the fuck off me.

Punk Rock.

[Pariah]

Um Fred how are people going to report PMs to you anyway?

Or are you a SEKRIT MOD???

and and and people that report shit to me will be might be expecting to get fucked with in interesting ways or angles!

Fred would be the only person I would like to be a secret mod.

[AFK]

[Jasper]

Nice dildo he has there, though.   

[Doktor Howl]

...rock a rhyme?

No, that's too tricky.

I'll just make a sucka bounce.

I've only heard that it's tricky to rock a rhyme on time.

That's right: on time.  It's tricky.

[Shibboleet The Annihilator]

Jim:  So, the agitator in 106 hit the glass on the bottom?

Me:  Yep.

Jim:  How bad is the damage?

Me:  There is none.

Jim:  How is that possible?  That agitator was moving, right?  And it weighs half a ton.

Me:  When we installed it, we buried an operations guy under the tank, as a sacrifice.  The Machine God was apparently satisfied.

Jim:  ...

Me:  What?

Jim:  Can't you ever just answer a question without being a crazy asshole?

Me:  But I am a crazy asshole, remember?  ALL PRAISE THE MACHINE GOD!

Jim:  ALL HAIL THE MACHINE GOD!  GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY OFFICE!

[Mangrove]

reading Dan Brown to understand the Illumanti
is like eating Count Chocula to understand vampirism

Weltbürger, please post an image of yourself. Plenty of people are overweight, it's nothing to be ashamed of.

Couldn't decide between these two, so I am om nom nominating both.

[Triple Zero]

A CHEF has died after an EEL was put up his bum.

Shocked doctors in Sichuan, China, found the sea creature in the 59-year-old man's rectum after his death, it has been reported.

The 50cm long Asian swamp eel was allegedly inserted into the unnamed man's bottom, after he passed out drunk, by pals playing a prank on him.

Medics said the eel had devoured his bowels.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/2954500/Chef-dies-after-feeling-eel.html#ixzz0mdpUMw00



CHEF! WE HARDLY KNEW YA!

with friends like his you don't need enemas . . .

[/quote]

[the last yatto]

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

a gender thread, in MY Apple Talk?

It's more ambiguous than you think!

[Triple Zero]

All of these. RWHN's last one made me laugh out, really loud

Can you still read our texts with all those tears in your eyes about how MEAN we all are?

Yeah, you are all quite mean. At least one admits it. By the way, you have nice spacy avatar picture. I bet you are friendly spacy dutch guy who is not that mean at all! Keep up the good work!

I tend to think of myself as more average than mean. 

If you are not mean, you are not part of the set "you all". Is it really that hard?

Did anyone just feel a big breeze? 

Ok I'm not sure what your last two statements mean. Please explain. Saying "big breeze", you want to express that you ignore me? There are simpler ways to ignore me. Or is it an appeal for others to ignore me? I'm not familiar with a lot of english sayings and insiders. If you really have something to say me, please be more precise.

Are you saying your confidence level is a little low when it comes to understanding the significance of my speech? 

Being more average than mean is just his mode, y'know?  Other than that, he's just another statistic.

Sorry, doesn't ring a bell.

[BadBeast]

   Re: Unlimited Number 6 Appreciation Thread
« Reply #249 on: 12 April 2010, 01:45:22 »   
Quote from: Number_6 on 12 April 2010, 01:43:12
You people are crazy.

I'm actually unable to put into words how absurd every second post on this thread is.


You've won. How do I conform? Or if that word's too blunt for you, how do I "settle down"? You've given me the verdict, now give me the sentence.

Go here:  http://mysticwicks.com/

They're not all crazy there.  Run while you still have legs!


I realise it's not "of the day", but I only found this thread today, and I nearly fell off my chair when I got this far!

[BADGE OF HONOR]

Pregnant women tend to have crazy heightened sense of smell.


...is there something you're not telling us?

silly.

I'M ASSUMING THAT'S A YES.  SQUIDDY IS PRAGNET!   

Fucking Pragnets, how do they work?

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

I wrote a review for the chinese buffet near my house. Here it is:


Usually when I have to write a bad review I feel kind of like a jerk, but this time... no.
I hope I'm able to finish this review before I keel over and die. Make sure to tell my family I love them.

So after a night of fun what's better than going to a cheap chinese buffet and filling your upset stomach with glorious delectables from a greasy chinese joint? Well not much, unless you go here.
I've been here many times and it seems each time I go it gets progressively worse.

Upon entering you're greeted by a nice fish tank with some really pretty fish that, to my surprise, are not dead. How they manage to survive in these surroundings is beyond me. Super mutant fish from planet Herpes or something I guess.

The hostess will take you to the stickiest table you've ever folded your arms across (and then quickly remove them as you recoil in horror) and take your drink order. I chose water and sprite. Seemingly safe.

The food, excuse me, "food". I....
As I walked over to the buffet I tried desperately not to look down at the carpet, and failed miserably. I thought to myself, ok, spills happen...
I grabbed a nice bowl of white rice and chicken with chlamydia broccoli and had a seat. My poor friend who I dragged with me looked as if she were about to start crying and I think my husband lost consciousness  at this point. The rest of his meal was a blur and my friend choked back her tears and forced her food down her throat like a champ.
The hot and sour soup wasn't so bad, but the ebola nuggets, hepatitis pork and AIDS rolls were not in any way edible or a source of food, nutrition, nourishment or even something you should touch without a hazmat suit.
I think I contracted something here. Usually after leaving a buffet I feel like a heathenish glutton for whom the sin was made, but today, I feel like I need an antibiotic. My friend was lucky and as her stomach rejected it's contents I couldn't help but feel jealous, for all I could do was buckle over as my guts clenched in pain and remorse. This IS going to hurt later.

Please if you have an ounce of self preservation do not eat at this medical waste recycling center. I mean, I know most buffets are dirty, but there is a point where it goes beyond comedy and into frightening horror. These immune system terrorists should seriously be considered for a close down. 
But if you're looking for an adventure, an adrenaline rush, considering suicide or you have to go on a date with someone you REALLY REALLY don't like, then give it a shot. But don't say I didn't warn ya.