ITT: Best Posts of the Day

[Nephew Twiddleton]

I'm going to have to rewatch that video. I love that song (used to be into that whole Seattle thing), but don't remember the image.

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Ok, caught it, lol. That was a very quick image. Makes sense though, you're about the same age I am.

[Placid Dingo]

Again, not of the day, or even the year but amusing.

Recap; the Pope is dead. We knew becasue they hit him with a silver mallet.

Silver mallet?  No shit?

They tap him on the head and call his name.  Do it twice more.  If he doesn't respond, he's dead.  That's how it works.

Oh, I thought you meant the mallet as a means to KILL him.  

No.  That's what the Cardinal is there for.

Edit; Also let me know if there's somewhere more appropriate to recycle amusing OLD posts.

[Cramulus]

                   /
       "PD has a duhsuhse I am the..."




                      /
          "BIKA-CURE!"




             /
"SWEET MERCIFUL FUCK DR.DACTLYS!"

[P3nT4gR4m]

some of these facts are wrong   why? because I felt like it s'why.

Ok.

Sorry Cram. I'm going to ruin your nice and fluffy ghost thread with a buttload of facts.

YEAH.

I kept notes.

Sorry. I'm a collector like that you see.

I swore I would never speak of it again, and the justified elders will be mighty displeased with me, but fuckit here goes. I feel all the noobs and the such need to be aware of this, for their own safety.

Like I said back then it's happened once, it will happen again.

You want to know why there is an subtle anti-magic thing going on here, and why the established posters will have little to do with it, or in some cases even heap scorn upon its very name?

Read on Gentle Reader.

I'll hold your hand through the scary bits.

Might cop a feel too.  

Waaaaay way back in 2004,  back in the days when space probes to mars did not carry the Goddesses name into the starry night, when Sperm Whales blew up a small but later quite rank part of Taiwan, those were good days. The Passion Of The Payne was the start of it.

But I'm getting all ahead of myself here.

I've been holding in, and actively helping to cover up this shit, for six fucking years now, and its all trying to leap out at once. 200-and-fucking-four. Heh, we all remember the shenanigans with Jolly Regan's Ghost, but that's a tale for another day. If I get done telling this one.

Joey was tanking on TV, so people had little to occupy themselves after Friends stopped running I think. You know me I'll find a theory where there is none nine times out of ten.

But the shit really started to go down about the 11th of September. Was this a significant date? Fuck knows. I'm not a numerologist. Anyway.

Breaking the long taboo on talking of this, has lead me to think, eh, fuck the taboo on never posting PM's either.

The thing that fucking tipped the scales way over into John Keel City, population: Us, was E-C-fucking H. Giddy with the mad power that came with getting hold of PD after all those years, he kinda snapped for a little while. Sorry bro I'm just telling it like it is. I don't know what the fuck he was doing hiking in Mount Athos that day, I don't even like to conjecture, but, that was the crux point of the whole thing.

I got this email

from: ech@10minitemail.org
subject: What I Did On My Holidays

Heads up Rev. Ignations

You'll not fucking BELIEVE who's middle fingerbone I have in my back pocket. I'm gonna carve Kallisti into it and, y'know use it to pick up goth chicks or something. Hell, I got the worlds best cigar tamper if all else fails amirite?

Peace.

ECH

{attached image of freshly skinned finger bone looking all gory and shit. removed for post}

Now, it did not take me long to put two and two together here. But I'll give you guys the benefit of the doubt as its all new to about 87% of you. Now, me being of concerned mind at this frankly unfeasible turn of events, as I at this time, am enjoying a nice Holiday in the Scottish highlands, minding my own business bothering trees and the sutchforth, as is my kinky want, so I decide to contact Messiah Payne.

This as it turns out in retrospect just made matters much worse.

Well, IDK if you know, but usually on the 13th of September Messiah Payne takes it upon himself to absorb the sins of the northerly regions of the land of Scott, via the act of Deep-Fried-Transubstantiation & A Nice Pint Possibly A Quick Smoke On The Quiet Later And Who Knows Maybe Even A Kebab Afterwards, and a performance of the Passion Of The Payne. Mel Gibson came to see it in 2003. Fucking plagerist.

Anyway, I digress, the Passion Of The Payne has to be seen to be believed. What that little guy fucking does to himself made my toes curl the one time I went to Pay Great Tribute to the North, I mean .. anyway, I cannot describe it here for legal reasons, as we'd not want our nice hosts to drop us like a hot rock. Yes, its just that bad I cannot even legaly describe its Inner Secrets, and besides I'd not violate a holy trust.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, violating holy trusts.

Well, I showed Payne the email and he immediately came to the same conclusions I had. We had to stop ECH. No matter what the cost. But ECH is the guy who ... he ... fucking one time he killed an entire ocean so hard BP are still to this day jealous yeah?

What the heck are an insane cultist and a Messiah going to do about this shit?

We fucking networked like a pair of mother-fuckers. Payne showed me a way to extract pure Chi from these little tiny mushrooms with a little nipple on the top that grew in this meadow. That was some gooooood Chi.

After that things got a bit hazy, with all the Chi and all.

But we must have gotten things done.

WE MUST HAVE.

Three weeks later, I was in the lock up for indecent relations with a parking bollard, and Payne was acting as my barrister. LSS I got off with a small fine, and community service.

We went to check the mail. Cram had gotten back to us. So had several others. It was dire news. While we had been defending my honour and sweating out the Chi, via use of moar Chi, which is the proper scientifical process, the shit had gone down. And it was bad shit.

Heavy shit.

Hell.

You are here reading this right now.

This shit directly effects you.

from: professer Cramulus
subj; WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU TWO DINGBATS?

He fucking went and did it.

The mad bastard went and did it.

I ... I ... I swallowed my moustache. Sorry guys its too late for you. Check out this link: {link removed}

from;Rev. Syn
subj;OFUKWEREINTROUBLEZNAO

You pair of SPAGGOTS! Why did you miss the pick up in Venice, that was our last hope to stop Roger's troops from getting the finger back.

from;BGP
subj;TOUTCH MY BELLY

GO ON RUB IT FOR GOOD LUCK!

from;Slarti
subj;Forgot my

zarking towel! Shit.

from;TGRR
subj;HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

what you going to do about it? eh? EH? ILL POOMP ON YOU LIKE I POOOMPED ON PARIS!

TGRR ~ fucking up your shit with his hobnailed steel boots on. or kill me?

from;Ice Cream Van
subj;MAKE MINE A 99 YA BASTARD!

I think were sunk, 23skidoo man. I'm out.

There are at least another fifteen or sixteen of these in the same vein from both sides of that holy war in my stash. What? I'm a devious turncoat yeller limey bastard. You all knew this. Don't look so shocked.

To cut a long story short, I sold out Ice Cream Van and his Timelord Cabal, so I could be here today, typing this to you guys. The guilt still fucks me up over what we did in the end.

ECH had the finger. He had PD. He had also, without my knowledge The Grailie Discordia. So, being of inquiring mind, I wanted to see what the fuck the pd crew were up too.

Turns out they hired Cain, and the PLFPD to hot wire and neuro code the finger direct to the pd.com database, using windows ME and a stripped rj-45, his leet hacking skills, a sheeps heart and 10cc of mouse blood the mad mad bastards installed the finger.

It had to be tested. But no one wanted to hit the button in the end. So, we installed the IP details from the regular PD.com rootkitsweeps, from Ice Cream Van his collegues in the Timelords, and a few random open posters, yeah back in those days pd was none regg, and set up a Schrodinger subset to trigger the switch.

Hoopla provided the paradox, and the n/and/nifnor/pheck gate was my idea.

We set it off. The theory being, that when and if it did go off, the paradox was going to contain the recursions and feedbacks from the internets, as we felt that ASDL speeds at that time would not support the lag. On this point we were sadly mistaken.

I hit the log out button and went on with my life.

Well. Tried to.

See, installing the finger worked too well.

The speeds were not too slow at all. I, uh, mixed up a decimal place a wee bit in the n/and/nifnor/pheck. Only five places or so.

A small error.

The feedback loop was astonishing. As soon as the Timelords cabal was wiped from the very face of the multiverse, the finger, the horrid horrid finger scooped up their souls and sucked them into the PD database.

Scary story huh. Oh yeah. See, remember the feedback?

Well, with all the data degradation that occurred to the database, those poor fuckers must have been in hell. 000 had to come in and help us to segregate them from the SQL inquiries and other user data, and damnit he tried his best to make a pleasing construct for them to live out their days, but graphics were a bit shitty in 2004 even on Trips government funded renderfarm. So he kindly lobotomised them so they would not notice.

What? You'd want the same for you correct?

This brings me to my next point about the feedback. It was fast. It infected the rootkit too. Kinda, escaped a tiny bit. But we were too busy trying to console ourselves by fixing the Timelords. Never did finish that. Poor spags. It was everywhere.

Some time in 2005 it got into 4chan. all the / / went down. From there it took out a lot of porn, a whole lot of porn, then it went from the porn to, well, fuck every fucking where then it came back. its a finger. our finger. we hit the /finger.

Like some sort of high tech monkeys paw that bad bastard fucked us over.

See.

The thing is.

If you have poseted on pd, at all anytime since 2004 its got you.

You, I, all the other posters, all the other people your GASMS and jakes and funny posters have lured here, it got them too. Its got everything. Trip does try his fucking best with Faust and Felix, to help fix up your constructs to live a happy life but, there are so fucking many of you.

And storage space costs money.

We as Discordians blew the last lot on midget hookers and self warming crackpipes if my memory serves correctly.

Were so fucking sorry that the other people you meet in real life don't seem as real as us. It's because they ain't. That world outside, with the fog and the clouds? We added those to save on polygons. Don't believe me, go for a drive in the country somewhere you don't know. You'll see the scenery jitter and loop till it looks kinda familiar again. Adaptive polyshift method. Only remember 150 faces without them all bluring into one? My bad. Saves on disc space see.

think about it for a while.

Hell we even wrote The Matrix for you guys and implanted it into your constructs memory banks, so if you ever thought that such a thing was possible you would automatically discount it based on Hollywood Lies. Shit the toy memes we play with for you here, are dust as to the real memes.

I feel so sorry for you guys. You would love the real world.

If there was one left.

Everyone got fingered.

We only had room on hand for a few.

[the last yatto]

The lovely pantsromancer hand painted this beauty for me:

[Jenne]

If you want synchronicity, today a friend and I were having an online discussion about the difference between pork appreciation and gluttony. In the midst of this discussion I went to reply to his last post (having to do with meatloaf) and then realized that it was post #1111 in the sub. On 11/11. A short while later, I looked at the post again and noticed that it was posted at 11:11.

So, guys, I think the signs are clear: Meatloaf in 2011.

[Cramulus]

ATTACK OF THE MOUSTACHE BANDIT!

[Chairman Risus]

I believe the politically correct term is "Sand Eskimos".

[Nephew Twiddleton]

Mustache bandit!

[Jasper]

That is so god damned fantastic. 

[the last yatto]

  Now I'm wondering if those criticizing you didn't have a point...

[Cain]

Looks like I was right about the butthurt

[Phox]

Thought that was pretty clear when he changed his post while you were in mid-reply?

[the last yatto]

Or something like that