Rant #24: Eris

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

RANT 24
ERIS

?¨There are many religions that are slut religions. If you want 'em, they'll take you. As a matter of fact, they'll chase you down, seek you out, ride a bike to your house & knock on your door at 8 in the damn morning on a Saturday just to get you to join. They want people BAD! Discordianism doesn't work that way?ñEver hear Discordians dreaming about the day Discordianism becomes a Great Big Religion??ñIt would suck?ñWe have an obligation to not try to be understood at all times. We need to be like a plague - not so virulent that we wipe out all potential carriers, but not so mild that we die out. Stay in the opposition. When we start getting big, we need to undermine the movement. Eris May or May Not Want You.?Æ
--St. Verthaine the Goth ( from ?¨The Book Of Eris?Æ)

?¨Seek me not without. Seek me not within.?Æ
-Eris

?¨People are afraid to forget their minds, fearing to fall through the emptiness with nothing to hold them. They do not know that emptiness is not really emptiness, but the realm of real dharma.?Æ
-Huang Po

Your feelings of emptiness will stop overtaking you once you learn to stop taking them so personally. Why do we often ruin that which we most need? Because our fears about our emptiness cause us to cling tightly to the things and people we feel will stave off the emptiness. Trying to stop the inherent chaos of life is like trying to stop your blood from flowing. You call upon Eris, yet you maintain the right to have some sense of order and stability in your life? Ha! Just you wait. She??ll take your latent feelings of emptiness and blast your mind open with them. And as you cower and shake with fear after crossing that abyss (and let??s face it kiddies, the abyss will, as any experienced occultist will tell you,  scare the living crap out of you??anyone who says otherwise is either lying or New Aged), you will hear Eris laughing as the bubbles of all your pretensions are popped. Not because She is a bitch, though there is that, but because She handed you freedom on a silver platter, and you didn??t see it. So now you get to achieve it the hard way. But, if it makes you feel any better, in time this will all seem funny to you. It could be worse, Eris could have you join the Discordian Society or something.

Eris? Real or unreal, whether you believe in Her or not. She doesn??t care. If She wants you, then you are Discordian toast with hodge-podge jam and a side of chaoist bacon. And maybe, just maybe, she??ll let you start your own little magical cabal?ñmaybe or maybe you??ll simply go insane, convinced that the Lovecraftian Elder Gods are tormenting you in your dreams (trust me, there are people who believe it), or maybe She??ll let you off the hook and back into your boring 9-5 lifestyle with career choices, car payments, mortgages, credit cards, dating services or marriage with kids, televisions, investments, prospects, weekend trips to cabins, and holiday dining with distant relatives you hate, and all the other muck of the yawning dominant govermediated society?ñbut why? Why in Tartarus would you ever want to go back to doing that willingly, unless it is some kind of deep-cover operation for spreading the chaoist conspiracy. Face it folks. It is a conspiracy and there is nothing wrong with doing so. But anyway?ñEris will not let you off the hook after She has so softly kissed you on the cheek and blew all the order out of your mind, all the while convincing you that you blew your own mind and that there was no difference in whether you thought you or She did it.

And there is this. If all else fails, Eris has Her Bitchslap. (Refer to previous sermon/rant doc. #23-17235;liah sire skiddoo. If you can??t find it then you may consider the possibility that your only reason for being alive is to serve as a warning for others.) You can call upon Eris and believe what you wish about gods or goddesses (no offense to those deities who disagree with this, of course). Eris may respond. She may not. You may find yourself doing all sorts of silly little things to be able to see Eris, but chances are you already have by that point. And for that you are lucky. Eris doesn??t exactly go around choosing everyone. She picks Her special crazies and lets the others be as they wish. So stop your whining about how hard it is being Discordian or being touched by Eris.

?¨In a world of caterpillars, the butterfly is a dangerous enemy of the way things are.?Æ
-Phil Hine

And there is the little fact of Eris existing whether you want Her to or not, regardless of what you may believe. Thus the Discordian Society, the ultimate religious body of dismembered parts running around causing society to drift towards something or other. Some religions have deities that promise ?´satisfaction guaranteed??. Buddhism will tell you that you are on your own, to suck it up and get over yourself. Eris won??t guarantee a thing, and yet you will strangely find yourself more satisfied and laugh-happy than most other people. If a religion is not a joke then it is a sham. And if you don??t want to joke around then what does that make you? Go watch a video or something.

Eris, as I have said many times in the past, will slap the crap out of you. But it is your fault for carrying all that crap inside anyway. If you want to complain about it, too bad. She??s not listening to your babble. Go start a cause or something. And if you should happen to believe that you know what Discordianism is, then the joke is on you, silly dupes. It??s not about freedom. It??s not about slavery. It??s not about being cool, chic, avant garde, or better than the so-called political people. It??s not about this. It??s not about that. It starts with Eris. All the rest is in your head. You are confused because you think. Good. Keep getting confused. Keep doubting. Keep questioning. And remember?ñEris may not want you after all.

(Aftermath 72nd, 3169)

[B23.77]

No offense to your ego(s)... or maybe a fat bitchslap, but Eris is a vampire God like almost any other.

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

No offense to your ego(s)... or maybe a fat bitchslap, but Eris is a vampire God like almost any other.

Lighten up, Bubba.

[Blue Bomber]

Are you saying the elder gods aren't talking to me??

Voomf on that...........

[Slarti]

i slartibartfast hereby change my name to vroomfondel.

[Trollax]

i slartibartfast hereby change my name to vroomfondel.

So you demand that you may or may not be vroomfondel?

[Slarti]

i may or may not demand that my name may or may not be vroomfondel.

but i may not!

[Bella]

I may or may not demand that you may or may not demand that your name may or may not be vroomfondel

[Blue Bomber]

The funniest part is when you overdose on ink cartridges!Indulge in your thoughtcrimes[/color]

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

or pickled eggs

[Z³]

No offense to your ego(s)... or maybe a fat bitchslap, but Eris is a vampire God like almost any other.

Lighten up, Bubba.

People take deities too literally, hence... religion. I only partly agree with Benny, in that Eris would've been more feared than respected in ancient greece, yet her story serves as a pretty decent parable. A: being a bitch doesnt get you invited to weddings and B: invite that bitch to your wedding next time.

In that recently Eris has become a personification of chaos, and often (unfortunately) wackiness, she has proven to be of some merit to the younger neo-pagan crowd.

However, amongst the different people who cling to the folds of discordianism... or are at least related to it, you will find a few free thinkers. Its a paradox of a religion, if you call it that, which I wouldnt. In that it is a paradox, thats where its value is established, and I doubt very many of us worship eris in the literal sense, indeed, if we worship anything at all.

Those are just my general opinions, though.

[B23.77]

I love some of the chaos and wackiness, although, to quote Gary Larson, "with any humorous vehicle (cartoons, comics, pintos), conflict, whether subtle or blunt, is mandatory."  [/Gary Larson quote].

 And Eris isn't really a sucky vampire.  I'm only saying this because Eris has a stake pointed at my heart whilst smiling with sharp pointed fangs.  See ya at the next wedding!

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

I love some of the chaos and wackiness, although, to quote Gary Larson, "with any humorous vehicle (cartoons, comics, pintos), conflict, whether subtle or blunt, is mandatory."  [/Gary Larson quote].

 And Eris isn't really a sucky vampire.  I'm only saying this because Eris has a stake pointed at my heart whilst smiling with sharp pointed fangs.  See ya at the next wedding!

Watch out for the sledge hammer she stole from Chernobog! It will be a fun wedding for all! Except the couple.

[Blue Bomber]

So, I don't get what this is all about, are you saying Eris isn't wacky?

The Greeks didn't think she was wacky, and they were punished. I think if anything is mandatory in this religion, its the wackiness.
My remote control is mute!
-Or not being wacky in the face of wackiness, which is wacky in and of itself.

I don't think we are actually talking about the same deity as the Greeks really, as it has been said many times, she was reinvented by Discordianism.
Great Green Goblins Greet Grievious Goons Gathering Groovy Gravy. Poptarts are done!
She is wacky because we try to promote wackiness, or at least the happiness that comes from it, and the whole non-conformist 'look-at-it-from-a-different-angle' mentality.......

Right??

[Bella]

So, I don't get what this is all about, are you saying Eris isn't wacky?

The Greeks didn't think she was wacky, and they were punished. I think if anything is mandatory in this religion, its the wackiness.
My remote control is mute!
-Or not being wacky in the face of wackiness, which is wacky in and of itself.

I don't think we are actually talking about the same deity as the Greeks really, as it has been said many times, she was reinvented by Discordianism.
Great Green Goblins Greet Grievious Goons Gathering Groovy Gravy. Poptarts are done!
She is wacky because we try to promote wackiness, or at least the happiness that comes from it, and the whole non-conformist 'look-at-it-from-a-different-angle' mentality.......

Right??

Yup