It's Neverending

[Jenne]

You're living on borrowed time.  You know that, don't you?  You're not invincible, nor are you all-powerful.  You have a terminal disease.

It's called Life.

You were born, you were raised.  You grew up, you made your choices.

How are those workin' out for you?  Because, in the end, you know what matters most, don't you?  That when the long tunnel of the lived and living is past, you can say, "Well done."

If you can't, woe to you.  You have "A" shot at this.  No more.  No less.  It's a gift with a curse at the end.  I have to say I've seen almost all at this point.  A man brought to the edge of paradise and shown the pits of hell, only to cavil and cling to what little of hell he can.  And another man who lived in hell, escaped and lived in paradise only to be thrown there again, to be shown how only the foolish think they can really ever escape.  Myriads others with similar and dissimilartudes...as they are interwoven into the tapestry that is the homo sapien sapien desperately escaping his destiny.  Which should be known as "that which cannot be outrun."

There's no proverb, no parable that can truly explain what it is we are given in living this disease down into its eventual end.  Sometimes it's a gentle sigh into the dark of night, a pleasant dream that ends in nocturnal ignorance of a passing into the ether.  At other times, it's a frightful mass of jangled emotions and fears, regret warring with a shoulda-woulda-coulda factor that never quite gets at what it was you wanted to say in the first place so why babble about it now.

The thing is, you have to face it.  At the end of the day, you have yourself and that's it.  You are the only thing that can make you happy. You are the only one really looking out for you.  Your regrets your happiness your sorrows your joys are yours to own, and yours alone.

And in that loneliness is the hope of finding only the lonely, who all can congregate under that umbrella of conjoined humanity.  A conditional truce that binds us as we all look about us and hope that our existential dilemma extends dearly into the human condition.  That we don't die alone.  That we can give and take with the freedom in our own little minds and farm out what fears and troubles bring to us.

The damnable part, of course, is when we are caught out in our own lie...that this isn't just a blip on the radar of time.  That we are actually a meaningful phenomenon.  That we can be and be seen and heard and tasted and felt. 

And it will actually mean something.

(that's when you just give birth and hope for the best, really)

[AFK]

The thing is, you have to face it.  At the end of the day, you have yourself and that's it.  You are the only thing that can make you happy. You are the only one really looking out for you.  Your regrets your happiness your sorrows your joys are yours to own, and yours alone.

I like this part especially.  10/10

[Jenne]

I wrote this after we found out about my husband's disease.  At that point, all we knew is that it wasn't leukemia.