Discordians in History

[Cramulus]

Discordians in the Middle Ages

Discordians flourished between the fifth and fifteenth century. This was a period of great cultural, political, and economic change in Europe - change which Discordians violently shook like a collicy infant.

Discordian Writings

It it not known whether medieval Discordians were literate. They commonly wrote in the incomprehensible Zwack alphabet. Discordians held that most people, even nobles and priests, were too hunchbrained to make any sense of their baffling script. Contemporary cryptologists believe Zwack to be incomprehensible gibberish, but modern Discordians hold that these scholars are merely too hunchbrained to make sense of their baffling script.

The Inquisition

In 1478, the Spanish Inquisition was begun by King Ferdinand of Aragon and Queen Isabella of Castile. Although it was not publicly revealed until after his death, one of Ferdinand's advisors, Peter Pie the Pious, was a Discordian saint. St. Pie pushed King Ferdinand to seek out converts from Judaism and Islam residing Spain. The inquisition was originally intended as a distraction from St. Pie's major project, sleeping with Queen Isabella. The inquisition rapidly got out of hand as zealots began burning heretics.

Despite his success with Isabella, St. Pie was saddened by these violent developments. He made a private apology to the Discordians of Spain, but it was lost on them as they were busy being burned to death. Wracked with guilt, he fell on his sword in 1490. His final words were "Fili Prius meretrix," or "Bros before hos".




Discordians in Colonial America

The Witch Trials

In 1692, Discordians invented the first game of SINK when the Queche Quidditch Qabal threw Goodwife Tabatha Croft in the Connecticut river. When the local constable demanded an explanation, Rev. Sandwitch of Bologna replied that they were testing to see if she was a witch. The constable thought this was such a good idea, he brought his wife to the river and tested her for witchiness. This meme spread and evolved until all the women in town were soaking wet. Later, they were burned at the stake.

please pick a period or event
and add your own historical facts and crap

[LMNO]

Fuckin genius, man.


I move that this be saved for Lollercaust.

[P3nT4gR4m]

You beat me to it by about 10 secs

Awesome Cram

[Jenne]

  THIS is fucking awesome. 

[AFK]

winnar!

[Mangrove]

for the prof.

after a much debated absence, it seems that teh funnay may have returned.

[P3nT4gR4m]

for the prof.

after a much debated absence, it seems that teh funnay may have returned.

...until you just jinxed it motherfucker!

[Mangrove]

for the prof.

after a much debated absence, it seems that teh funnay MAY have returned.

please to note the use of caution in my OP.

[P3nT4gR4m]

That's the trouble with you damn ssookn, you underestimate the sheer raw power of superstition.

We're doomed I say! Mang has just sentenced this forum to thirty days and thirty nights of doom and despair.

[Suu]

I'll be writing my anecdotes on the discovery of America and the Holy Mexican Empire.

[Jenne]

That's the trouble with you damn ssookn, you underestimate the sheer raw power of superstition.

We're doomed I say! Mang has just sentenced this forum to thirty days and thirty nights of doom and despair.

Silly, takin' teh piss on the poor Mang...

[Mangrove]

That's the trouble with you damn ssookn, you underestimate the sheer raw power of superstition.

We're doomed I say! Mang has just sentenced this forum to thirty days and thirty nights of doom and despair.

Silly, takin' teh piss on the poor Mang...

Jenne - Silly is contractually obliged to piss on me & the SSOOKN. Otherwise he isn't the 'Offical SSOOKN Pariah'....it just means he's...well...Scottish.

[Jenne]

Troof.  I keep forgetting that little tangled web was woven a while back. 

[AFK]

That's the trouble with you damn ssookn, you underestimate the sheer raw power of superstition.

We're doomed I say! Mang has just sentenced this forum to thirty days and thirty nights of doom and despair.

Sweet.  I always thought this forum needed moar doom.   

[P3nT4gR4m]

I'll be writing my anecdotes on the discovery of America and the Holy Mexican Empire.

If it sucks you'll know who to blame