Discourse 7: Symbols, Power, and the Hellion...

[Trollax]

Males understand power by doing things that are powerful, females just understand power

When I talk about my visions and dreams, people often ask me if I've ever done drugs or have some form of magickal beast in my ancestry...
The answers to those question are: "No", and "not to my knowledge"...
How I sort my visions from my delusions is simple... Self-abnegation. I simply ask myself if what I have seen or experienced is anything other than me wanting to experience something. If the answer is "no" I'll take it one step further and ask: "what does it mean?"
It is that simple. In fact it's not all that dissimilar from what happens when we dream and see symbols or when on drugs and experience hallucinations. The difference between this and self-abnegation is one thing, intent.
While dreaming, (and presumably while under the influence of narcotics) our minds sort through the events we have experienced (or are experiencing, pulling out the subconcious data and analysing it, sorting memories according to programming and using these nifty little associations to utilise the more creative parts of the brain rather than the ones that are used all the time at peak capacity when we are awake.
These symbols are what have meaning, and it is the symbols that stir the most emotion in us that are the ones we should pay attention to. Often that is what we do, sometimes even mistaking what may simply be a subconscious wakeup call into some higher calling.

Yet the two are rather indistinct, often what is our purpose coincides with what suits us mentally. Anyways I'm off track, what I'm getting at here has to do with my quote, we imbue symbols with power. I talked about that in discourse 4. The symbols that have power are the ones that move us, and the symbols that have power over us are the ones that scare us.
What I would like to talk to you about now Is A symbol I have had come to me thrice in the space of 4 hours.

I was playing fallout tactics, and in various places in several missions, the word Hellion is mentioned, at one point by technophillic raiders, and in another a robot base contains a plane called the hellion. Oddly enough this plane almost exactly resembes a sketch I made some 8 years earlier.

The third time, was while getting ready fo bed. I read the word Hellion from a peice of paper, I said the word to myself and was confronted with an image in my mind's eye of a massive beast.

It was as big as a house, It was like a rather stumpy dragon with a horned head, soft suede-like skin and feathered wings (think a Griffin on acid). It was a mixture of all the shades between the purest red and deepest black. Now immersing myself in the dreamworld, I spoke to it and said.

It is an honor to even see you, though who art as capricious as the unicorn.

It bowed and said. It is I who am honored Trollax. What is it you wish?

I said slowly I wish only to ask of you, I could do nothing more, I ask that I may give this world something to ease its pains and desires, I ask that I may place my palm upon your forehead.

It nodded and replied. Only on the one condition.

Name it.

That you fly with me.

I would be honored brother.

It smiled and said. Sister. But it is you who honor me.

I nodded. We give something to each other so that balance remains.

I placed my palm on her forehead, and the vision vanished.

I have no idea when I will be called upon to "Fly" as it were or even what it is that my touch actually represented but the hellion is a powerful personal totem to me, something transpired. I know this because the night before I asked forever one thing:

"Forever, send me another who plays the game, someone I can play off against, someone even if they have no clue what the game is, they play anyway."

less than a day later I "saw" the hellion, and all the synchronicities I experienced up to that point had happened almost immediately after my prayer.

I remember musing this afternoon about that moment, and thinking but I could've just made it up. I did. but the symbolism of that moment means there is inside of me. I also remember thinking about destiny and remembering neo's visit to the oracle in the matrix:

"Here, have a cookie. I promise that when you're done eating it you'll feel right as rain. In fact you'll start to feel better as soon as you walk out that door, you'll remember that you don't believe in any of this fate crap."

Right after that neo finds something to believe in: "morpeus sacrificed himself because he believed that I'm something I'm not. But I believe in something." what? "I believe I can bring him back."

this is what I'm trying to say, our destiny and power are bound up in two things: our symbols and our beleifs.

Used wisely they are portents and omens, guidelines and tools.

Used foolishly, they are allegories and mental footnotes, messages and advice.

The hellion emerged from my own mind, the symbols you see emerge from your own mind, power is generated from your own mind, symbols are sustained by power.

the quote at the start highlights a flaw that is not just common to males but is also prevalent in females as well. Doing thing that are powerful, often we only understand power from our use of it. Yet power is not employed, power is not used, power motivates, the voltage that powers your computer is an energy that jiggles free electrons in metal alloys. The voltage that powers your symbols is memory and emotion.
The power and where it comes from is as capricious as the unicorn (or the hellion) and I could talk about at and around this issue for a month but I'll leave you now because I'm tired.

~Hellionised Trollax~

[Idem]

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