Jesus was a Discordian 100% proof inside.

[Bella]

No No No.........jesus is the brother-in-law of a woman I used to work with.
He works in a sawmill and on his days off he goes door to door selling the best tamales in the world, which are made by his wife. He drives a re-built 1957 Chevy painted the most ugly shade of aqua I have ever seen in my entire life.

[Donkeyotay]

Jesus is actually an emcee in the Bizarro Beat Circus...we call him the Reverened Dr. Hellnaw.....Here is proof!

[Rev Thwack]

That's not jesus, that's my uncle rob who was arrested last year for molesting 8 year old girls near the local playground. Man, he was a riot.

[Bella]

That's fer sher not jesus.
jesus is about 30 years old......he does have a plaid jacket kind of like that one, though.

[EvilPoet]

JESUS CHRIST, int. A common exclamation indicating surprise,
disgust, anger or bewilderment. -American Heretic's Dictionary

[Bella]

Nope.....I saw jesus tonight. He was selling tamales,
white corn tamales to be exact. And I said to him,
"Hey, you're jesus right?" And he said, "Huh? Who the
fuck did you think it was if not me?" So that proves it.

[Donkeyotay]

Weeeeellllll Bella..... I was just rehearsing with Jesus today and he does not sell tamales...He works at the bubble-gum factory and writes weird poetry about his dysfunctional drugg addict parents and how they have scarred him for life, but in a funny, yet disturbing, way.....And he told me himself he was Jesus...thats how he introduced himself! So he is Jesus! I mean....there can't possibly be more than one son of god...I thought Jesus was gods only son?!?

[Bella]

Nope....jesus was an only son. I heard it today
on the radio, so it must be true. So are you telling us
that jesus is the son of god and that he writes poetry
about his drug addict parents? Cause if you are, that means
god is a drug addict.....something I have long suspected.
Or why else would he create so many addictive substances??

[EvilPoet]

Christ a Fiction

[Donkeyotay]

Yes! it's all true! and here is another shocker!! Jesus has a girlfriend! her name is Marieka and she is an artist.....She is extremely hot and just all around friendly....Hmmm, should I be worried about lusting after Jesus's girlfriend...do you think he could forgive that?

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Jesus is Jeevus's half sister.

[Abou-Jesus]

So are you telling us
that jesus is the son of god and that he writes poetry
about his drug addict parents?

I have no idea what he told you, but I'm not an addict.

Which means Jesus is a liar.

[Guido Finucci]

I have no idea what he told you, but I'm not an addict.

Are you pretending to be God or a virgin? I think we have several God-wannabes around here somewhere but the virgin spot if still up for grabs.

[Abou-Jesus]

I have no idea what he told you, but I'm not an addict.

Are you pretending to be God or a virgin? I think we have several God-wannabes around here somewhere but the virgin spot if still up for grabs.

I'm pretending to be Abou-Jesus ("Abou" means "father of", BTW).

And what makes you think that God is not a virgin?

[~~~~Closed~~~~]

He banged mary...'nuff said.