The Man on the Wing of the Airplane

[Torodung]

Imagine, if you will, an airplane full of passengers. They are wonderful, happy passengers. They get their drinks off a cart, and they play with their portable devices, and they are altogether pleased with the fact that they are 30,000 feet above the ground.

Their plane, of course, is on fire. They can't see the fire.

Some numbers to get out of the way. The plane is subdivided into first class and coach. It has 23 rows, yet the last row is row 24 because some superstitious bastard decided to skip row 13 when numbering.

In coach, each row has five seats, on the left (facing forwards) are seats "A" and "B," and on the right are seats "D," "E," and "F." Again, the bastards decided to skip something, perhaps to save money. In first class, the seats are "A," "B," "D," and "E" and there is some debate as to why there is no seat "F." No one mentions the lack of a seat "C," however.

And as this plane burns, the folks in first class (rows 1-5) don't even notice the smoke, because it is being carefully pumped into the tail section of the plane. They sip their wine, and smear their pate, and not a one of them notices a thing but how pleasing it is to be sitting in rows of only four seats, with service, and the accompanying smug sense of superiority.

Behind the curtain, in rows 6-10, passengers are frightened, but assured of their survival as they hunch over in a "duck and cover" position, provided for by the safety instructions contained in the seat back pockets.

In rows 11-14, the 15 passengers loudly argue about the fact that the plane might catch fire, that the plane will catch fire, and should the plane catch fire, that there aren't enough parachutes. This loud speculative ranting is the cause of most of the fear in rows 6-10.

In rows 15-24, as the smoke from the front of the plane pours in through the vents, people are just happy that the captain has turned off the "no smoking" sign, and since there's no point in fighting fate, they light up and smoke whatever they can find. They cheerily sing the song "Disco Inferno" and would dance in the aisles, if they could find them through all the smoke.

William Shatner sits in seat 24F and stares outside at a man on the wing. "There's a man on the wing of the airplane!" he exclaims. No one has seen that episode, so they ignore him.

THE PROPHET is alone on the wing of the airplane and whereas the passengers cannot see the fire, he cannot see the plane. He is, of necessity, on fire, dancing about like a maniac and screaming at the top of his lungs at the folks in the cabin. He says one or all of the following:

a) Oh my GOD I'm on fire! IT BURNS!
b) Did you notice there's no row 13?!
c) Did you notice there's no seat C?!
d) Does anyone have a flame retardant parachute?!
e) I hate you all for burning me like this!!

He bears a ticket stub, with seating assignment 13C.

[Chairman Risus]

I was going to quote Shatner until i realised you had already done it.

[LMNO]

Hey, KE, I'm not sure you've been informed of the 50 post suggestion.

[Chairman Risus]

I'm not completely sure I have.

[Payne]

I'm not completely sure I have.

We go easy on n00bs till they reach 50 posts. Criticise, but constructively. If they don't get it by 50 posts, then you can post things like the above.

He's not trolling, he's just posting what he thinks is 'the good stuff'

It's in place to ensure we don't run ALL the n00bs out of town.

[LMNO]

It was proposed some time ago that we give new members 50 posts free of flames so they get the feel for this board.

Granted, it's just a suggestion, and not everybody follows it, but sometimes it seems to work.

[Chairman Risus]

fixt

[Triple Zero]

ok, so anybody wanna come up with some constructive criticism for this guy, then?

[Chairman Risus]

Who's the pilot?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

TOO MANY POSSIBLE INTERPRETATIONS. Srsly, Discordians prefer to have it all spelled out for them.

people are superstitious and do superstitious things, and a prophet embodies what superstitions tell people to fear

or

if you're trying to get a moron's attention, you might as well light yourself on fire and strap yourself to the wing of a jet.

or

Everyone is too busy obsessing about forgetting what they already know about their own mortality, to have a chance in hell of it ever leaving their conscious mind.

or

Some people don't watch enough William Shatner movies.

[Chairman Risus]

it's a societal class thing. the priveleged have no idea whats going on all the way down to the fucked knowing theyre going to die and having a good time while they can. and ask for a new seat if yours isnt in the plane.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

it's a societal class thing. the rich have no idea whats going on all the way down to the poor knowing theyre going to die and having a good time while they can. and ask for a new seat if yours isnt in the plane.

That's totally the wrong interpretation, you fucking heretic.

[Chairman Risus]

shatner says you're a fucking liar

[LMNO]

THERE IS NO ROW 13!
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[Mangrove]

Scotty! You have....GOT...to GET ME OFFA THIS PLANE
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