Codename V's Rant

[Cain]

Codename V's real rant.

Obviously this was not written by me, and all applause etc should be directed at Alan Moore etc  That said, its still much better than the washed down, "freedumb!" version in the film, though even a cursory read shows why it was not used.  Its precisely for those reasons I prefer it.  So here is the transcript taken from the comic, presented in full.



Good evening, London.  I thought it time we had a little chat.  Are you sitting comfortably?

Then I'll begin.

I suppose you're wondering why I've called you here this evening.  Well, you see, I'm not entirely satisfied with your performance lately...I'm afraid your work has been slipping, and...and, well, I'm afraid we've been thinking about letting you go.

Oh, I know, you've been with the company a long time now.  Almost...let me see.  Almost ten thousand years!  My word, doesn't time fly?  It only seems like yesterday...I remember the day you commenced your employment, swinging down from the trees, fresh faced and nervous, a bone clasped in your bristling fist.



"Where do I start sir?", you asked, plaintively.  I recall my exact words: ,"there's a pile of dinosaur eggs over there, youngster,", I said, smiling paternally the while. "Get sucking."

Well, we've certainly come a long way since then, haven't we?  And yes, yes, you're right, in all that time, you haven't missed a day.

Well done, thou good and faithful servant.

Also, don't think I have forgotten your outstanding service record, or about all the invaluable contributions you've made to the company.  Fire, the wheel, agriculture...it's an impressive list, old-timer.  A jolly impressive list, don't get me wrong.



But...well, to be frank, we've had our problems too.  There is no getting away from it.  Do you know what I think a lot of it stems from?  I'll tell you...it's from your basic unwillingness to get along within the company.  You don't seem to want to face up to any real responsibility, or be your own boss.  Lord knows, you've been given plenty of opportunities...

We've offered you promotion, time and time again, and each time you've turned us down.  "I couldn't handle the work, guv'nor," you wheedled.  "I know my place."  To be frank, you aren't even trying.  You see, you've been standing still for far too long, and its starting to show in your work...and, might I add, in your general standard of behaviour.



The constant bickering on the factory floor has not escaped my attention...nor the recent bout of rowdiness in the staff canteen.  Then of course, there's...hmm, well, I didn't really want to have to bring this up, but...well, I've been hearing some disturbing rumours about your personal life.  No, never mind who told me.  No names, no pack drill...



That I hear you are unable to get on with your spouse.  I hear that you argue.  I am told that you shout.  Violence has been mentioned.  I am reliably informed that you hurt the one you love...the one you shouldn't hurt at all.

And what about the children?  It's always the children who suffer, as you're well aware.  Poor little mites.  What are they to make of it?  What are they to make of your bullying, your despair, your cowardice and all your fondly nurtured bigotries?

Really it is not good enough, is it?

And its no good blaming the sudden drop in work standards upon bad management, either...though to be sure, the management is very bad.  In fact, lets not mince words...the management is terrible!  We've had a string of embezzlers, frauds, liars and lunatics making a string of catastrophic decisions.  This is plain fact.



But who elected them?

It was you!  You who appointed these people!  You who gave them the power to make decisions for you!  While I'll admit that anyone can make a mistake once, to go on making the same lethal errors century after century seems nothing short of deliberate.

You have encouraged these malicious incompetents who have made your working lives a shambles.  You have accepted without question their senseless orders.  You have allowed them to fill your workplace with dangerous and untested machines.



You could have stopped them.

All you had to say was "no".  You have no spine.  No pride.  You are no longer an asset to the company.  I will, however, be generous.  You will be granted two years to show some improvement in your work.  If at the end of that time you are still unwilling to make a go of it...

You're fired.

That is all.  You may return to your labours.  Normal service will be resumed as soon as possible.



- Edited to unfuck the quotation mark problems caused by the server change a few years back - Roger

[kalthir]

not the first time I've read it, but still terribly awsome for all that.

although I sorta lose the metaphor around the "spouse" bit.

[hunter s.durden]

I'm glad you threw this up.

I really worry that Alan Moore will be thrown into history's dustbin, because he writes "funny books" instead of novels.

How that movie, even as watered down as it was, wasn't touted as a masterpiece, is beyond me. It said more than "highly acclaimed"  movies like Brokeback Mountain or Sleepless in Seattle.

I'll put V and Watchmen up against anything Dostoyevsky or Joyce wrote.

[East Coast Hustle]

fuck yeah.

also, ITT Hugh is busted for plagiarizing his "America, you're fired!" rant, posted after the 2004 elections.

[avatar]

Loved that movie, love the graphic novels more.  Tell me there's gonna be some serious trolling activity on November 5???

Avatar

[Triple Zero]

what's happening on nov 5th?

[Payne]

It's the anniversary of Guy Fawkes trying to blow up parliament, and a pivotal date in V for Vendetta.

[P3nT4gR4m]

When the IRA blew up the brighton hotel I lolled

Srsly - splodeying the government is ftw

[Thurnez Isa]

that fully convinced me to find and read the comic book...

Im not much of a comic reader though, unless its the peanuts

[Darth Cupcake]

V is brilliant, as is Watchmen.

Basically, anything Alan Moore does is solid gold. He is amazing.

If I remember, I will upload my MP3 of Warren Ellis talking about having a phone conversation with Alan Moore. It is solid lol.

[Z³]

I'm glad you threw this up.

I really worry that Alan Moore will be thrown into history's dustbin, because he writes "funny books" instead of novels.

How that movie, even as watered down as it was, wasn't touted as a masterpiece, is beyond me. It said more than "highly acclaimed"  movies like Brokeback Mountain or Sleepless in Seattle.

I'll put V and Watchmen up against anything Dostoyevsky or Joyce wrote.

Hollywood shouldn't mine his works so quickly. Couldnt they at least wait for the bastard to die?

[LMNO]

I'll put V and Watchmen up against anything Dostoyevsky or Joyce wrote.

Hold up.



Miller might be the better word-crafter, but he has always been fairly black and white.  Even though V was supposed to be an anti-hero, you knew he was working for the forces of Good against the facist Evil.

Sin City is another example.  Even Marv, the self-admitted psychotic killer, is no more morally depraved than Russel Crowe's character in Gladiator.

While Miller's stories might be more enjoyable, Dostoyevsky's characters were much more nuanced, and promoted much more internal speculation over motivation and psychology.




LMNO
-Puts up blast shields.

[Darth Cupcake]

First off, V and Watchmen are Alan Moore, not Frank Miller.

V is fairly good-and-evil, yes.

However, I think there's a lot of questionable characters in Watchmen, with a lot of depth and nuance. I don't necessarily think I'd put his stuff up against Dostoevsky, but this might be because Crime & Punishment is one of my favorite books of ever. I DO think that Watchmen is amazing literature that does get somewhat passed over because it's a comic.

However, bottom line, it is harder to convey the same sort of intensity in a comic that you can in something the size of Crime & Punishment. It is possible to REALLY get into Raskolnikov's head throughout the book because of the medium. It is harder to get that in comics, simply because the amount of text you can use is limited and it's harder to focus on simply the psychological state because there's not a lot of imagery to go alongside it.

So I think, in a way, we're getting into apples and oranges here.

Watchmen is great fuckin' literature. But it can't be compared to Dostoevsky or Joyce because they're just not the same thing.

[BumWurst]

V is unquestionably one of the greatest inventions of fiction - a true anarchist, iconoclast and remorseless bastard. Must also confess that Dostoevsky bored the very arse off me.
I got my copy of V signed by Alan Moore... he lives three streets away from me. *Ahem*
Name-drop 

[Cain]

I actually liked Dostoevsky too.  Early on in the books, to be sure, they can seem boring, but it usually works its way up into something quite extraordinary.  Should have written an autobiography though.  His real life was incredibly fascinating.

Moore must be doing alright these days as well, I suspect.  V, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and Watchmen in the works.