Fable of the Stages

[Richter]

Inspired (aka: not totally ripped off) by Cram's Gong show,  other old writings. 


Once their was a youth by the name of Youngblat, who after reading a certain tome by Malcalypse the Younger, decided to undertake the way of the Erisians.  Eager to learn much about his newfound faith, spouting ,Äú23 and Fnord!,Äù, he searched out others of the way, his attention first being drawn to a regrettable book of yellow pages.  Under the entry for ,ÄúDiscordian,Äù he found the locale of a certain Llama known as Buthashi.

Youngblat went forth to Master Buthashi,Äôs retreat in the ground floor of a local house, and sat with the Master in a sparsely furnished living room hung with many odd things.

Youngblat pronounced a good many nonsensical things, to demonstrate his freedom from the restraints of sanity, but did settle down and state his business when Buthashi brandished the fire extinguisher.

,ÄúGood Master, how might the Fnord I travel better in the Discordian way?,Äù he asked.

,ÄúYou will pass through many stages,Äù said Buthashi, ,ÄúAt first you will go about as you are, and eventually the next step of the way will become apparent.  Or it won,Äôt.  In either case, that will be your way.,Äù

,ÄúIs this the way you have gone yourself?,Äù asked Youngblat.

,ÄúFucked if I know,Äù, spoke the master. ,ÄúDepending where this way takes you, we may come to speak of it.,Äù

,ÄúSurely then, there must be four more such stages to the Way!,Äù

,ÄúThe first two are the biggest.,Äù Buthashi advised, letting out a formidable clap of wind.  ,ÄúAppreciate this holy stink, and go forth.  Greet me when we next meet, and we will see how far you have come. That will be $40 please.,Äù

Youngblat cautiously, but appreciatively breathed of the Master,Äôs assuredly divine stench, paid up and left.

Soon after, he sought out the Cardinal Shithashi, who was holding office hours in a crab apple tree by a local spa.  He greeted her calmly, remembering his near misfortune with Buthashi.

,ÄúHowdy fucker.  What do you want?,Äù Asked Shithashi, as she heaved a small item off towards some folks exiting the spa.

,ÄúI seek further knowledge of the Discordian way.,Äù 

,ÄúRelax, but do not be complacent.  Questions everything, but be firm in yourself.  Do everything for a reason, and nothing out of habit.,Äù  Sayeth Shithasi.

,ÄúWow, that,Äôs good!  Fnord!,Äù said Youngblat.

,ÄúIt was a horoscope this morning.  Also, calm the hell down. That will be $40 please,Äù 

,ÄúFnord right!,Äù said Youngblat, who paid the eye rolling Shithasi and left.

As he left, many patrons of the spa were wondering aloud who would throw apples covered in cards declaring them as Pope.  Youngblat laughed aloud, and receiving many scathing looks, left.

A week latter, traipsing through the city, and generally being a nuisance, Younblat spied the Masters and several fellows entering a local house of contemplation and drink.

,Äú23 and Fnord!,Äù he hailed them ,ÄúDo you see all the lovely chaos I bring to this horribly ordered city!,Äù

So saying, he put forth a thunderous fart.  Such was his vehemence that he did shat himself a little. 

,ÄúDamn.,Äù said Shithashi, augustly summing up any sane person,Äôs reaction to the scene.

This house of contemplation and drink, being a fine and quiet locale, had bouncers who promptly put him out, keeping well clear of his newly ripe trouser and into the path of some good policefolk who took him in for suspicion of apple throwing.

Youngblat hence did learn of the Discordian ways by which one may not be an incarcerated jackass, and went forth from that day wiser and less loud.

Shithashi, Buthashi, and their fellows all went forth and enjoyed a great night of drink and argument fueled by their collected sums of $40.

[Suu]

Me = Cardinal Shithashi. Srsly.

[Cramulus]

 

[Darth Cupcake]

I would like $40 for drink and argument.

Perhaps I can hunt down some n00b somewhere IRL...

I dig it, Richter. It was fun!

[LMNO]

Not bad.  Could use some polishing, but a good effort, nonetheless.

[Richter]

  Glad it was worth a laugh or two.

Not bad.  Could use some polishing, but a good effort, nonetheless.

Feedback appreciated.  I wanted it out of my brain so I can work on other stuff.  Similar ideas will likely recur, but some things can only be polished so far before you realize they are only silver plated.

[Adjective Noun]

Should be added to the 'n00bs read this' thread. That is all

[Rev. Thwack]

Nice one... makes me wonder why I'm not milking college students for beer money yet.

[Darth Cupcake]

Always do it.

I know a friend who used to go through the high rise dorms at my campus, doing beer runs for the under aged kids. He'd do a mark up on the price, go to the liquor store, buy RIDICULOUS quantities... He was pulling in several hundred a week that way. That's how he got by when he was unemployed for a bit.

[Suu]

Ooo, school is back in session and I has sorority gurlz in the house behind me. 

[LMNO]

Speaking of which, my commute is gonna suck ass until June.

[Suu]

All the Northeastern brats? It could be worse. You could live off of the B Line like TOG.

[Darth Cupcake]

My future lies in Allston/the B line.

I intend to fashion a clever shiv which I will surgically implant in my wrists so that I can just slash my way through the throngs of BU kids. Not unlike the beheading dude in 300, but still in possession of hands. Oh, and sexy.

[Suu]

I'm currently working on a discreet weapon very similar to that for JUST the Green line. It involves retractable blades from my elbows.

[Darth Cupcake]

Ooh, elbows, that's a good one. Then you can stab via elbowing people. I had been thinking slashing with my arms, but I think I really like the elbowing idea...