Hey Asshole!

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Humans are assholes. We want to dominate each other, we get off on power-tripping, we're all pissed off that slavery is "wrong." Every last one of us is constantly calculating everybody else's demise, and none of us are immune. The "nice guys" are up to something, the "peacemakers" are just fighting a different kind of war, the prophets talk nice, until somebody offs them, and then heads roll. Even your sweet old granny was playing you. How do you think she lived so long? She was draining the life force out of all the relatives you never met for 50 years. You always knew there was something in her chocolate chip cookies and now you know what it was.

We have seven billion complete assholes piled on top of each other, all of them talking bullshit and committing indiscriminate acts of psychotic manipulation. You think that can lead to anywhere good? Of course not. It leads to a whole planet covered in disease, war, poverty, and all the other shit those do-gooders interrupt late-night TV to complain about. And you hit the mute button when that shit comes on, don't you. See? You're an asshole, just like me.

And not only are people assholes, they're also stupid. In fact, we are tied for intelligence with dolphins.

Fucking DOLPHINS.

And, after a hundred thousand years of people being shitty to each other, we have reached the point now where we can, with the click of a button, wipe everyone and everything off the face of this ball of dirt we call home. You think that at some point, some dickwad isn't going to actually DO IT? Face it. Humanity is the crowning achievement of evolution -- and if you've been paying attention you'll see that evolution is an asshole, too.

What do you think is gonna happen? What is the cumulative effect of seven billion angry, distrustful, petty, stingy, half-retarded hairless apes who have nothing better to do than kill each other over stupid things like sneakers and imaginary friends? You think that one day, they're all going to see the light and join hands and say I'm sorry? If that's what you beleive, then you need to get some tinfoil and duct tape and build an impenetrable fortress out of sofa cushions in your living room because you are just the sort of person that natural selection is aiming for.

In the end, it's all going to come down to the very thing you're already imagining and have been imagining since the first time you looked at the Evening News. And you know it, so quit deluding yourself into thinking there's something better worth defending.

It's a sideshow out there, and you're the freak. So quit buzzing around the office all fucking day chit-chatting with people you can't really stand, and find your reason to care whether there's a tomorrow or not. Because the way I see it, really caring about something other than your car or your bank account is the only shot this fucked up species has at survival.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

meh. i've been pledged

[Cramulus]

Hey assholes! If you can't be bothered to read Vex's awesome work, here's the tldr version

[tyrannosaurus vex]

CRAM YOU, DAMNULUS!

[The Good Reverend Roger]

What do you think is gonna happen? What is the cumulative effect of seven billion angry, distrustful, petty, stingy, half-retarded hairless apes who have nothing better to do than kill each other over stupid things like sneakers and imaginary friends? You think that one day, they're all going to see the light and join hands and say I'm sorry?

Fuck no.  I still want to throttle Hugh for shit that happened at PD 4 years ago.  And that's just on the internets.

[König Bonifaz]

 

Very good piece.
Made me realize a prison bar that has been hitting me over the head repeatedly.

[Random Probability]

1. Yes, Charlie Brown, this is how things work in the real world.  Get used to it.

we have reached the point now where we can, with the click of a button, wipe everyone and everything off the face of this ball of dirt we call home

2. We should be doing everything in our power to get someone to push this fucking button.  Seriously.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

[Duo 9]

Unfortunately, you might be preaching to the choir here. I see all these excellent threads such as this and everyone goes on and praises them becauser we are all thinking the same thing. What I'm getting at is that we need to put this stuff out there for the assholes to read. But, wait, assholes won't read this, will they? So, when it comes down to it, over-population of the human race of assholes is the source of any and all major problems with this planet, and the only way to fix it is to do what we hope to prevent by informing them of it (death by nuke/natural disaster/spontaneous combustion). Catch 22, no?

[Cramulus]

actually, a lot of us print this stuff out and put it up in public, on telephone poles and in bus stops and the like.

I'm not sure how many other people make a practice of this, but I do it fairly regularly.

[P3nT4gR4m]

I love it! The reason I love it is cos it puts in a nutshell thoughts that were running disjointed through my head and that always trips me out when that happens. I don't give a shit if the monkeys read it. I don't want to print it out or propagandise my neighborhood in the vain hope that it'll make a difference. Who the hell in their right mind would want to make a difference? The human race would be boring as piss if it actually worked.

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I have gone through a whole box of meme labels....  Those are my personal favorites.  My son has put the "Black sheep are still sheep." all over STL.

I've been leaving the "Freedon isn't Free" on the bus lately!

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

actually, a lot of us print this stuff out and put it up in public, on telephone poles and in bus stops and the like.

I'm not sure how many other people make a practice of this, but I do it fairly regularly.

Yep... they're great mailbox stuffers at the office too.

*wonders who could get past security to put those flyers in the mail cart....*

[Duo 9]

We should kidnap Bill Gates or some other ultra rich dude and make him buy us a space colony and a shit ton of gundams and then we can laugh at said assholes chilling down here and dying in vain.

[Iron Sulfide]

also see he operation spinback thread.

i particularly like this one, BTW (well, this and OP spinback...and the Evil Dead Rant- go sepia!)

in fact, re: Spinback, i have some "support our troops" stationary that was sent to me by someone trying to make money off my patriotism. if only i could get to a scanner (will do soon enough..)  that would make an awesome PDF.

i too flier the fuck outta places. good tactic for this: go to a starbucks, etc, find a NON WOBBLY TABLE. has to not wobble. fold one of the fliers and put it under a leg, sos that it wobbles. eventually (with luck), someone will try to "correct" the table, or at least investigate.. better than phone posts or handouts.

also (if someone can do this before i can, mittens you shit): the christian propaganda pamphlet disguised as a wallet....we (someone) needs to scan, edit the "inside" of the wallet to have stuff less suggestive (it currently has ID, SSN, and like 4 bank cards...talk about leading the cattle...)  (this would also avert any possibility of copyright infringement...)

print various pieces of OUR propaganda....the rest is too explicit to bother writing.

[edit: cant type fo' shit today]