Personality Quiz

[Bharlion]

This was a personality test that I had published in January of 2006. It was a laugh riot for myself but my coworkers didn't share my sense of humour and canned me when contract renewal came up.


Where are you going Major Tom?
Personality Quiz.

Choices are a major part of everyone life. White socks or Black? Paper or Plastic? Fries with that? Red Pill or Blue? Coffin or Cremation? The hardest one however is the infamous "what am I going to do with my life." As such I have constructed a helpful career guide that will help enlighten all of you! The guide is rather simple. I have made some simple multiple-choice questions. There are no wrong answers, just choose the ones that fit the best to your personality and moral compass. At the end tally your answers by letter (a,b,c,d,e.) Instructions follow the quiz. GOOD LUCK!

   1. You have been walking for an hour down an old forest road. There have been no other travelers that have passed your way. All alone walking through the quiet woods you mind drifts towards...
   a. The precious resources that could be plundered from such a tranquil untapped land.
   b. The fact that you are lost and are quite terrified of owls.
   c. The quiet serenity that is surrounding you completely.
   d. The life you have led in general and how you have come to this point.
   e. Fish, pirate ships, Kelly Clarkson, bottle of rye, chesterfield, balloons...

   2. A condemned man is placed before you. He was found guilty of a crime so depraved that it cannot be mentioned. The jury has condemned him to death under the law. However should he be executed, his wife and children will surely starve. As the judge you have the final say on his fate. But not only the condemned man's life, also the life of his family are in your hands. What would you do?
   a. The law stands. Execute the condemned and send the body back to the widow along with the bill.
   b. The law bends. Exile the condemned along with his family. That is if he can out dance the lord of the dance.
   c. The law stands. Execute the condemned, place the children as wards of the state, and send the wife to a convent.
   d. The law breaks. The innocent should not suffer for one mans sin. The condemned is set 'free' and must repay his debt to society for the rest of his life.
   e. The law twisted. Execute the wife and children. The condemned will live the rest of his life in absolute shame and emptiness for his vile crime.

   3. An old lady holds out a handful of delicious looking candy. What would you do?
   a. Tell her you would rather have five dollars than candy.
   b. Speak a few verses of Latin while making the sign of the cross and Run away.
   c. Take a piece of candy and eat it, if the offer is open still then have another!
   d. Refuse her offer and bid her good day.
   e. Put down the cat you were trying to shove into an ATM machine, attack her.

   4. After a long day at work you come home to find your pet duck has hung itself. What would you do?
   a. Sell the duck on EBay.
   b. Put it in the freezer for later consumption.
   c. Bury the duck in the backyard.
   d. Shed a tear for your duck and then take the duck to the pet cemetery.
   e. Call your friends. Tell them to come and see the weirdest thing ever.

   5. A video of you doing something you are ashamed of surfaces on the internet. Your circle of friends haven't seen it. It is only a matter of time. What will you do?
   a. Try to sue whoever posted the video and get rich, turning a bad incident to good. Making you the envy of all your friends!
   b. Hope the whole 'internet' collapses inward and dies out as fast as it started.
   c. If it comes up explain the circumstances, otherwise don't bring it up.
   d. Tell them about it. Better from you than someone else. This shows you trust them.
   e. Film something even more shameful.

   Tally Time! What ever answer you choose the most is the life you are leaning towards. So if you choose mostly 'D' then read the 'D' section. It is really that simple. If you choose no one answer more than another read the 'F' section.
   A Section: The word 'greedy' best describes you. You are going to be rich no matter what. Your complete disregard for morals and taste in favor of wealth will place you among the money moguls of our time. Even if you are rich for selling weapons grade plutonium to doomsday cults, what is good for the M&M corporation is good for you! You will be remembered for your lack of scruples. The career choices that will best appeal to you are: Office Ladder Climber, Organ Smuggler, Used Car Salesman, Telephone Psychic, Lawyer and Jewel Thief.
   B Section: I believe the word 'eccentric' best describes you. You will live a very interesting life to say the least. Don't expect to stop having strange outlandish escapades until you are inside of a steel box with spikes on the inside. Regardless you will not be overly concerned with wealth or status so long as you are enjoying yourself. Your friends are precious to you. The majority of similar minded individuals you will find are not going to be family. Rather they will be among the other outsiders like you. You will be remembered for your quirks. The career choices that will best appeal to you are: Pirate, Cult Leader, Journalist, Exorcist and Time-Traveling-Cigar-Chomping-Wit-Spewing-Dinosaur-Hunter.
   C Section: I believe the word 'mediocre' best describes you. You are going to live a rather average life to say the least. The only adventures you will find yourself in will be ones you thrust upon yourself.  It will be a good life, albeit uneventful. Unless of course you finally notice the everyday miracles in which case your life will be an eternal carnival of happiness. Needless to say, your job will not be your life. It will be just a job, since there are so much more important things to you, like family. The career choices that will best appeal to you are: Service Industry Bronco, Co-Manager Collaborator, Office Drone, Cubicle Commander, Happy Farmer and Restaurant Rabble-rouser.
   D Section: I believe the word 'saint' best describes you. You have immense compassion. So much that it often gets in the way of what others would call common sense. You will be among those that everyone will remember for their love. Everyone you know is truly blessed by your presence. Your job will be an extension of your love. Your bravery is unparallel. You won't be able to go against your moral compass as it is impossibly magnetized to the goodness in your heart. The career choices that will best appeal to you are: Personal Guardian Angel, Doctor, School Teacher, Waiter, Councilor, Police Officer, Fire Fighter, and Paramedic.
   E Section: I believe the word 'twisted' best describes you. You are the thing that goes bump in the night. Not to say you are inherently evil, we all have the capacity for that. It is just you can take to it like a duck to water, so beware. The madness inherent inside of your mind is so chaotic that to gaze into it is akin to gazing into the abyss. You will be remembered among as a villain, scoundrel or ne'er-do-well. For you, people and wealth will come and go. This is mostly because you see the wrong choice and right and deliberately choose the wrong one. The only constant is your survivability. You are a cockroach, you can survive a nuclear war along with Keith Richards and Spam. The career choices that will best appeal to you are: Evil Dictator, Mad Scientist, Suicide Bomber, Axe Murderer, Reality Television Contestant, Psychopath, and Clown.
   F Section: I believe the word 'free' best describes you. You are not constrained by one path in life or another. While this makes things very confusing you have the greatest freedom from prejudice and taking the wrong path. The greatest single challenge for you will be deciding what life you want to live. The possibilities are open and free as the imagination. The careers that best appeal to you are: Philosopher, inventor, entrepreneur, and artist.