Eris in classical art

[Nibor the Priest]

[first posted as a twitter thread; expanded here]

I went looking for pictures of Eris in classical artwork. It turned out there are a lot more than I thought. I haven't seen a collection of these in a Discordian (or any other) context before, so here goes.

Firstly, the ancient Greek image of Eris that you're most likely to have seen, because it's used on the Wikipedia pages for Eris and Discordianism:

In Grecian times, Goddess posed for a few vases to pay the bills. This is a tasteful shot for a blackfigure kylix, around 550 BCE. Killer heels.



Redfigure vase, c. 450 BCE, showing Eris with Themis, goddess of wisdom and good counsel (whom you can identify with Aneris if you like). I assume Eris is the one on the left, just because the names were in that order. Nice dress.



Another redfigure vase, c. 400 BCE, in which Eris looks through a magic window into the wedding of Peleus and Thetis (pretty much all images I could find of Eris were in scenes of That Wedding), drawn by someone unfamiliar with boobs.



No Eris in this one, but it's a rather nice 2nd Century BCE mosaic of the Paris judging the Beauty Contest of the Goddesses, stolen from Antioch and currently held hostage in the Louvre. I think that's the Golden Apple at the top.



Engraving of the wedding of Peleus and Thetis on a sarcophagus, c. 120 BCE (as reproduced in Drury's History of the Greeks, 1886). It's not known who all of the characters are, but one lady (fourth from left) is carrying what might be an apple and appears to be setting fire to the guy's foot next to her for a laugh, so.


Eris then seems to have avoided the limelight for a long period. I next found her in a 15th-century illuminated manuscript (which I couldn't find at a higher resolution, alas.)

She seems to be handing over the Apple rather too politely, but at least she's wearing a Pope hat and suitably outre colour malcoordination. She's also brought her dog with her, opening new possibilities in veterinary theology. (Lazarus and/or Bummer?)


Ladies, gentlemen and nonbinary pals, we are about to enter the Renaissance period. Things may be about to get a bit Naked Where's Waldo.


Jans Brueghel's The Marriage of Peleus and Thetis (between 1583 and 1625). As in a lot of paintings from this period, Eris likes to float upside down 10 feet above the crowd, just as I would at big social gatherings if I could. Here she is depicted as a weedy androgynous teen with bat-wings.



A 1589 engraving by Jacques de Gheyn II, showing Eris as a saggy-boobed Cthulhu-Medusa. Look, I won't tell her if you don't.



Gillis van Valckenborch's The Marriage of Peleus and Thetis (1590-1622). Eris arrives on a stormcloud, looking blurry and draped in hippie shawls.



Jan van Balen's The Marriage Feast of Peleus and Thetis (1605-1642). Only about half the guests are naked. Maybe marrying a sea-nymph is like marrying a Betazoid. Eris seems to be manifesting as a weird fiery vulture-eagle.



Hendrik de Clerck's The Nuptials of Thetis and Peleus (c. 1606) Eris is painted as a larger woman of colour, probably for Highly Problematic reasons, but maybe unintentionally pretty cool? As well as the Apple, she carries a bellows—for fanning flames, geddit?—which I don't think I've seen in any modern Discordian depictions.


And now we get to this guy.

Joachim Wtewael (1566-1638) depicted Eris and/or the Apple of Discord so many times that I can only assume She was fucking with his head. I found at least five relevant paintings, made over a five-year period starting in 1610.



(seen here with her sidekick, Five-Legged Baby)



The fact that he seems to have painted (or revised?) so many of these, and they are all either called "The Wedding of Peleus and Thetis" or "The Judgement of Paris", makes it appropriately confusing to try and find them all. Dude could have done with a version control system. His style reminds me of the Josh Kirby cover art for the earlier Discworld novels.



Jacob Jordaen's The Golden Apple of Discord (1633). Eris looks a little confused herself, maybe because Jesus has just caught the Apple.



Abraham Bloemaert's The Feast of the Gods at the Wedding of Peleus and Thetis (1638). Eris once again travels by stormcloud.



Giusepe Pietro Mazzola's The Marriage of Peleus (1789). I'm not certain this was the artist's intention, but I like to think Eris is the one giving the couple the finger and then leaving to go bowling with her pals.


And my personal favourite.

Edward Burne-Jones's The Feast of Peleus (1872). It's like The Last Supper if shit was about to go DOWN. (Okay, different shit.)

Just. Look at Her.

The kooky indie-chick bodystocking outfit. The metal-as-hell bat wings. The wry malicious smile of a woman about to unleash holy fuck on a bunch of polite assholes. And they're all terrified of her.

EDIT: after positing this I noticed that Hermes/Mercury, who is the crouching figure wearing nothing but a bright blue helm and bright blue winged sandals so he looks like the stripogram, is holding a (non-gold) apple in one hand and a scroll in the other that reads DETUR PULCHRIORI, a rare Latin translation of Kallisti. If this is because Eris has not delivered the Apple personally but is using Hermes as a mail carrier, it would make this the original Jake.

This Eris appears to be painted after Burne-Jones's favourite model, the artist Maria Zambaco

(Portrait by Alexander Cassavetti)
Burne-Jones and Zambaco had had a scandalous affair a few years earlier. He continued to paint her in sorceress/temptress/dangerous lady roles for the rest of his career. I've given her a sainthood for her troubles.

[Telarus]

Good post! Thanks for reposting here. 

[Politeserpent]

This is absolutely wonderful, and the commentary is spot on. Thanks for this post!

[Cramulus]

This thread is a treasure.

[Abbot Mythos]

Nibor the Priest listed quite a few Renaissance depictions of Eris at the wedding feast of Thetis and Peleus.

Here's another one:



Le Festin des Dieux (The Feast of the Gods) - Jan van Bijlert

I have intentionally posted the largest image of this painting I could find, as our Goddess Eris, and her Golden Apple of Discord are difficult to see otherwise.

And, here' a link to the museum displaying the painting:      Musee Magnin - Le Festin des Dieux

There is a smaller image of the painting, as well as a partial description of it on the museum's site.

On the right side of the table, Hercules can clearly be seen holding his club. I'm certain his Olympian wife, Goddess Hebe, the 'cupbearer' of the Olympian gods, is to his right, as she has one arm around Hercules' shoulders, and one hand touching an ornate cup. The god further to the right is clearly Poseidon, as can be deduced from his trident. I'm guessing the goddess between Hebe and Poseidon is Poseidon's wife Amphitrite. There is an object on the table near her, and in front of Poseidon. That object may be a bowl for nectar or ambrosia, but I'm not certain, as there may be other symbolism involved.

Then, if you zoom in on the large image of the painting, the Golden Apple of Discord can be seen on the table between Hercules and Hebe. And, zooming in again will reveal our Goddess Eris crouching down behind Poseidon, and watching the festivities from her hidden position.

[Abbot Mythos]

Nibor the Priest listed this painting, but did not post its image. So, here it is:



The Feast of the Gods at the Wedding of Peleus and Thetis, by Abraham Bloemaert, 1638.

In this painting our Goddess Eris is shown using what I would call an 'overhand waste can toss' to get her Golden Apple of Discord into the feast.

Now, our very own holy THE MYTH OF THE APPLE OF DISCORD describes our Blessed Goddess as 'rolling' the Golden Apple of Discord. And, as THE REVELATION that led to THE BIRTH OF THE ERISIAN MOVEMENT took place in a bowling alley, that makes perfect sense. (If you don't believe me, look it up yourself. It's all right there in THE BOOK.)

So, I hope any modern-day artists who try there hand at painting the wedding feast of Peleus and Thetis do their work justice, and show our Goddess Eris using a proper, underhand, bowling ball grip on her legendary, sacred Golden Apple of Discord.

[Nibor the Priest]

Hey, thanks! I'm a very sporadic logger-onner and although I think I did post all the images I listed, a bunch of them seem to have disappeared, maybe because imgur's Prude-O-Matic software didn't like all the nudity (fucking Greek perverts). Also I nuked my twitter account (fucking Elon) so anything hotlinked from there has gone. I think I still have the images, so I'll see if I can upload them elsewhere and edit the original post. If I haven't done that by, say, 2026, feel free to prod me.

UPDATE: I believe that's fixed! Most of the cutout "zoom-ins" on Eris herself are gone, because I didn't have them to hand. Maybe I'll get around to re-adding them, maybe not.

[MMIX]

Love this thread!