Author Topic: Colbertgasm  (Read 58378 times)

the last yatto

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #315 on: October 27, 2010, 09:05:28 pm »
Colbert was included in a crossword puzzle (oh rubicon I love you)

Other words included secret code word: RATS
and AVOID RIOTS
Look, asshole:  Your 'incomprehensible' act, your word-salad, your pinealism...It BORES ME.  I've been incomprehensible for so long, I TEACH IT TO MBA CANDIDATES.  So if you simply MUST talk about your pineal gland or happy children dancing in the wildflowers, go talk to Roger, because he digs that kind of shit

the last yatto

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #316 on: November 18, 2010, 09:32:52 am »
Look, asshole:  Your 'incomprehensible' act, your word-salad, your pinealism...It BORES ME.  I've been incomprehensible for so long, I TEACH IT TO MBA CANDIDATES.  So if you simply MUST talk about your pineal gland or happy children dancing in the wildflowers, go talk to Roger, because he digs that kind of shit

Telarus

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #317 on: March 11, 2011, 06:05:42 am »
Bump.


What's this now, HMMMMM?

http://www.colbertpac.com/joining/


[Edit:: doesn't seem to work for me at the moment, will try tomorrow]
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Telarus

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #318 on: March 11, 2011, 08:09:48 am »
http://www.quora.com/Is-Stephen-Colbert-a-member-of-the-Illuminati

HAHAHAH. This site is much more fun than Yahoo Answers.
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Telarus

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #319 on: March 11, 2011, 08:23:28 am »
This is from 08, but HOLYSHIT. Look at All Our Memes!

http://www.pravenue.com/newsletter.asp?article=534

Quote
Stephen Colbert joins Illuminati - Preview Edition 00000
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By mark steele - Tuesday, April 01, 2008

Dateline New York: (PRAvenueNW) News host Stephen Colbert, of Comedy Central’s “The Colbert Report”, recently accepted the offer issued him, in response to his request last year, to join the Illuminati.  Pictured above in his guise of “Tek” Jansen, Galaxy Hero, Colbert had issued a public plea last year to the Masters of the Temple to be admitted into this arcane order.

            Most recently founded in 1776 in Ingolstadt, Bavaria by Adam Weishaupt, a former Jesuit, the Illuminati is widely believed to be the beings controlling world events.  Some rumors date the Order back to the time of King Kull in Atlantis; others claim more recent origins for the Illuminati.  In 1975, it was revealed by undercover agents Robert J. Shea and Robert Anton Wilson that one Hagbard Celine (pictured above, with Colbert) was one of the 5 Illuminati Primi that ran the world.

            Though generally believed to have vanished into space in the late 1990’s Hagbard Celine has been sighted in numerous places around the world since last March, including many sightings on the Internet.  Rumors are that this is an imposter, not the original HC himself, though this has yet to be confirmed or denied.

            Sources state that “Celine’s” branch of the Illuminati attempted to contact Colbert shortly after the first plea was broadcast, but it is unknown whether or not this transmission was ever received.  Some time later, a pair of itinerant Discordians, worshippers of the Greek Goddess Eris, or Discord, attempted to invite Colbert into their own versions of the Illuminati, in a joint effort that involved unknown numbers of people in a letter writing campaign that appears to have borne fruit.  Asking for a single word answer that would indicate the acceptance or denial of the offer, on March 5th, the target date, Colbert opened his show with the words, “The answer, my friend, is blowin’” -- which expert analysis (see article below) assures us is a definitive “Yes”, that Stephen Colbert is indeed now in The Illuminati.  It is unknown whether he has, to date, accepted any other Illuminati group’s offers to join.

            Rumors indicate that this faux “Celine”, who also goes by the name of Icarus!, is attempting to get Colbert to “Go Public” with the information in a broadcast ceremony, planned for May 1, the 232nd anniversary of Weishaupt’s founding (or reviving) of the Illuminati.  Rumors indicate that attempts are being made to gain the Skull of Geronimo from the Skull and Bones Society (alleged to have been founded by the Illuminati) for the initiation.  This news team has not yet discovered whether any of this has any connection to Colbert’s plans to visit Philadelphia.

            The CIN Newz Team has given this reporter the assignment of following this news, and I promise I will spare no efforts in my attempts to fu—err, cover Colbert’s dangerous journey through Chapel Perilous.

Stephany T. Dorn, CIN NEWZ!


EDITORIAL

Craig Jameson III, Editor

            Welcome to the first, preview edition, of the CIN Newz!  The result of a long hard, struggle against the Greyfaces (fnord) in our midst, we will attempt to bring you, in every issue, the Newz! not fit to print in the Mainstream Press (fnord), the tale of the struggles of the little people, and our own sucking up to the Media Moguls (fnord) who might be able to give us money for this dubious enterprise.  As my Uncle Mel, our publisher, used to say, “Me, Worry?  HA!”

            Every issue we will attempt to bring you the best our team of Crack Reporters (fnord) can find (or make up) about the events in YOUR world(fnord)!  Can you hear me now(fnord)?  If we DON’T have a spy in your neighborhood yet, we soon WILL!(fnord) Our goal is “A bug in every bathroom, and two or three in the bedroom!(fnord)  You KNOW what our guys like to hear!

            Oh, sure, some of you may believe that these are just the mad ravings of a delusional middle-aged maniac with too much time on his hands, but I ASSURE you this is not true – I do NOT have too much time on my hands!  Stephanie, Ben Pinto, and the other staff members here assure me that they are doing everything in their power to ASSURE that we have compete coverage of the events that matter most!  Stephanie is even trying to seduc— err, track down the mysterious Avery C. Gordon (who comes from a nice family by the way – I had lunch with Barbara just the other day) in her attempts to completely cover the Colbert beat.  (Is there anything else going on in New York that really matters these days?)

            Now it’s up to you – what DO you want to see in these pages?  Our graphics department is working overtime these days to give you illustrations that suit the admittedly long-winded text you’re reading, so we want to make sure you LIKE what you’re seeing – drop me a line at the above link, and let me know!  As one of my great-grandfathers said to another, “It’s the SCIENTIFIC detecting of facts and using them to back up the Truthiness of your data that really counts!”

Opinion Column

By Ben F. Kawl, Opinion Editor

           When asked to do this column originally by Assistant Editor Pearl S. White, I demurred – I have long been a political non-Euclidian, disdaining the dichotomy of right and left wing used by the pundits in this country to the point that they seem to have lost all meaning.  But, having been forced by circumstances lately to watch the ramblings by my counterpart on Headline News, I realized that there are many issues to be addressed today that I may be able to wag the finger if I can borrow the phrase) toward, and possibly beyond, to some sort of potential resolution.

            In particular, I note a great deal of attention given lately to the issues of:

Global Warming(fnord) and WATER

                Now, since Ye Ed and the Publisher are breathing down my neck to get this out by Apr 1, I suppose I better produce… something about sending this to opinion columns all over the country?  Yeah, NO pressure…

                Recently, I’ve seen some comments that some scientists don’t believe in Global Warming, and have the evidence.  Unfortunately, the Rodeo clown that is having these people in to say this is NOT getting the data from them.  I, for one, want to hear it – it make no sense to have people on a show claiming something, and then not having the evidence to back up their statement.  It’s called a BLIND ASSERTION, and while it may be a favorite technique of Discordian Evangelists, I wouldn’t recommend it for serious scientific study.

            Another show (supposedly a comedy, but NO ONE in the audience laughed at this) had a segment on with an author on that claimed one of the major problems with global Warming was going to be DROUGHT, and that the signs of it could already be seen in some parts of the world.  It makes sense – the world heats up, the ice caps melt, and the water stays in the air rather than falling as rain.  Flooding on the coast, parching on the other parts of the continents.  AND – WHAT TO DO!?!

            There’s a major source of fresh water that sits in the middle of the North American Continent.  It’s called the Great Lakes.  They are called Great for a reason – they are VERY large, nearly of the status of inland seas.  In fact, G-Dub seems to have taken them for such once, as he was quoted as talking about the Canadians being overseas – and these lakes happen to surround the CIN Newz! HQ on 3 sides.

            In recent years these lake levels have been dropping, due to a shortage of snow and mild winters.  Most of the snow in Michigan comes from what is called lake effect snow – the water evaporates from Lake Michigan and flows back into it and the other Great Lakes through the local river basin.  Due to the recent climate changes and other factors, the level in Lake Michigan has been dropping.

            This year, through the grace of God, Gaia, or random chance, the levels have been brought back up.  Water from the Gulf of Mexico (remember Katrina?) has come up here due to weather patterns, and replenished the water supply.  This water is essential to the well being of us Northern Barbarians (we are NOT Yankees, thank you very much…) living here, not only for such economic items as tourism, swimming and boating but for bathing, drinking, and other essential life functions.  Several times in recent years, plans have been suggested for the waters here to be used to replenish drought areas along the Mississippi, in Arizona, and in other places.

            Well, back off, people, that’s OUR water – if you want it, come up here, and live and invest in the area!

                We’ve had the interesting experience in recent years of certain Republican politicians voting en masse against their party line because the came from here, and know that what the Party planned was NOT good for their area.  I commend these folks for having the courage to stand up to the others – even if I am doing it in fine print…

                Unfortunately, there’s STILL a big leak in the system, and has been for about 100 years.  No, I’m not referring to the St. Laurence Seaway (the lock system there works effectively to help hold the waters in), or the Niagara Falls system (that was formed by nature, and works rather well), I’m referring to the Sanitary and Ship Canal, which totally reversed the flow of the Chicago River, sending the waters down the Mississippi River rather than into Lake Michigan.  The site sets on the region where the two water basins divide.

            Now the reasons why it was originally made were good – there was waste backing up into Chicago, and being dumped into Lake Michigan, where the water around the city stagnated.  No wants their crap in their streets, and in the slowly flowing waters of the lake, it quickly became a health problem.  Cholera and other diseases caused the environment in Chicago at the end of the 19th century to be less than pleasant.  The rerouting also had the additional benefit of allowing ship trade down the Mississippi with Chicago, so everyone thought this was all great.  So now we have the situation where the citizens in some parts of Chicago and its suburbs are drinking the water from Lake Michigan, and flushing it down the Mississippi.  (SHAME ON YOU, COOK COUNTY!)

            Now, what’s on the other end of the Mississippi?  A (now) little place called New Orleans.  A place that’s needed to build levies to keep the waters at bay, and needs desperately to replant the trees to slow down the speed of the Hurricane winds the NEXT time something of the magnitude of Katrina hits.  But was Katrina the ONLY problem here?

            These levies, according to multiple reports from the Army Corps of Engineers and other examiners have not been equipped to handle the Mississippi water supply for quite some time.  Their recent failure was a combination of the reports being ignored, the engineers not getting the resources that they needed to fix the problem, and TOO MUCH WATER for structures built originally centuries ago to cope with.  Is it possible that the extra water that’s been headed down the river for the last 100 years helped CONTRIBUTE to the deterioration of the levies?  I say YES!  I see patterns where the DO exist!

            Can I PROVE this?  No – I don’t’ have the resources to do so, or to examine the data for the last 150 years on water levels in the Mississippi, and to correlate them with the structural integrity of the levies and the building project in Chicago.  But the data DOES exist, and can be analyzed.  Doesn’t it make more sense to do it NOW before another tragedy of this magnitude hits?  And, in any case, do we really NEED to be giving this vital portion of our Nation’s fresh water supply to the Gulf of Mexico?  It gets plenty from the Atlantic – it doesn’t need ours too!

            Some studies indicate that around 40% of our Nation’s population (if one includes those in all the diversion zones, such as Chicago) lives in the Great Lakes Water Basin – nearly half!  And, if you figure that there are only 3 other Geographical regions (the middle to southern Atlantic Coast, the South, and the West) could only get an AVERAGE OF 20% EACH for the rest of the Nation’s population (not COUNTING the Canadians that also live in the Great Lakes Basin – that boosts the population count to 40 million people), the facts are obvious:  Despite the generally accepted statistics showing population centers densest around New York City, DFW in Texas, and LaLaLand, CA (many of whom ARE and CONTINUE to be my Friends), WE OUTNUMBER YOU!  Keeping this National Treasure of Precious Earth Fluid intact and inviolate for the future of our grandkids, and those who choose to come here when the droughts come, is ESSENTIAL for the survival of our species!  And remember, event though partially discredited in the wake of the Oklahoma City Bombing, the Michigan Militia has NEVER truly gone away… and let’s not even THINK about what the Canucks might do if they decided to deal with this directly…

            So, since the waste management systems have greatly increased in the last 108 years, and we now have the ability to put a stop to this wasteful practice, I can say, with al sincerity, that it’s time to:

PUT A PLUG IN IT, CHICAGO: NEW ORLEANS DOESN’T NEED YOUR CRAP!

Next issue – the rant continues, only this time about the Dust Bowl…


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Bebek Sincap Ratatosk

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #320 on: March 11, 2011, 03:54:49 pm »
Yeah, I don't remember who wrote that now... but 'mark steele' was also known by another Discordian name (don't remember who)... IIRC he was a MySpace or Facebook Discordian connection during the whole ColbertGASM thing.
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Cramulus

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #321 on: July 28, 2011, 02:56:40 pm »
WHICH ONE OF YOU DONATED TO THE COLBER SUPER PAC??


Jenne

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #322 on: July 28, 2011, 04:45:58 pm »
:mittens:

Though, I won't be contributing.  Anyone know what he plans on doing with the $ he's collecting?  I missed that part...

Cuddlefish

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #323 on: July 28, 2011, 04:46:59 pm »
Heh. My pops got this Roku thing which lets you watch Hulu (and other things) on your television. Last week I spent a day watching an entire two weeks of The Colbert Report, and I noticed the ticker at the bottom with the names. I just remember thinking to myself that if I watched the ticker long enough, I'd start seeing some spags names fly by. I didn't catch any myself, but I'm glad you screen capped at least one Discordian.
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Cramulus

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #324 on: July 28, 2011, 04:54:46 pm »
oh I didn't take the shot - some spag from FB did.

Telarus

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #325 on: July 28, 2011, 05:45:12 pm »
:mittens: Can you imagine his face when that popped up in the donations roll?
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Fractalbeard

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #326 on: July 30, 2011, 08:53:22 pm »
Colbert wants to know what his superpac stands for, and he's asking his viewers. Can we hijack this by monday?

www.colbertsuperpac.com

There's a big yellow button that says "I stand for"

{edited for link}
« Last Edit: July 30, 2011, 09:00:26 pm by Rurouzaru of Pancreas »

Fractalbeard

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #327 on: July 30, 2011, 09:03:56 pm »
possibilities:

The bavarian illuminati
The discordian society
The strange times

There are probably better ideas.

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #328 on: July 30, 2011, 09:44:21 pm »
I like "The Strange Times". Or, SCIENCE!
“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Freeky

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Re: Colbertgasm
« Reply #329 on: July 31, 2011, 05:55:47 am »
I stand for SCIENCE!.
If someone does the “Fine, you’re right, I’m clearly a terrible person, I’m Satan, I’m the worst person alive, I should just die” thing in response to criticism of their harmful behavior, they are trying to manipulate people and flip the situation around so that they look like a victim.

As a neuroscientist I have to disagree with the perception that anyone is doing mathematical modeling of cognitive intelligence, yet; intelligence as an economist defines it, yes, but economists are worlds away from actual cognition.


Although it is outside the purview of this organization to offer personal advice, we can say -- without assuming any liability -- that previous experience indicates (and recent market studies corroborate) that given the present condition of the marketplace, continuing with your present course of action is likely to result in substantial in