Controlled Autism

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

One of the benefits of epilepsy is that I have intermittent altered states in which I experience the world completely differently. I've actually, through experimentation, gotten to a point where sometimes I can enter these states by focusing on a trigger, but that's a little questionable and I rarely do it because one of the other benefits of epilepsy is memory loss.

[Richter]

Wow, I'd love to see an EEG of that...

Would you mind describing more?  Any specific way in which your perception differ, aftereffects, etc.?

[Jasper]

Seconded, this is highly interesting.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

MOAR DETAILS PLS, NIGEL!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Well, the most typical experience (called an "aura" in medical terms, for some reason) is sort of like this:

Foreboding. Anticipation. Deja vu, or sometimes jamais vu. Earthquakes. The ambient light darkens. Everything shifts into unfamiliarity. All common things; my home, my family, flowers, clouds... all seem distinctly unusual, unfamiliar. The earth quivers, the light is gray but colors are exceptionally vivid, contrast heightened. There is unbelievable clarity; the world is a bell, or a chime. Sounds are incomprehensible without great attention, and they are clear, sharp, nearly overwhelming. Odors come from nowhere; green smells like vinegar, pink like formaldehyde. Nothing makes sense; everything makes sense, but not in the usual way. Sometimes dizziness. My body rushes. My vision becomes very specific: I am looking at only one thing at a time, and that thing is the entirety of my experience, and I am experiencing it with all my senses. The top of my head begins to tingle, feels cold. Then the release, a paralyzing moment which courses down my body from the crown of my head, and a return to normalcy, but with a lingering disorientation and sometimes (or maybe always; I have no way of knowing) memory loss. It doesn't always release, and that is what I mean when I say I can sometimes enter an altered state through focus on an obvious trigger. The drawback, of course, is when I can't avoid the progression into a full seizure, and although I do not have clonic-tonic seizures at all, ever, the memory loss from an absence seizure is not totally awesome.

I have never had an EEG done for this; my doctor actually suggested I not be formally diagnosed by a neurologist, because I am not interested in medication, there is no other treatment that can help, and it would definitely affect my insurability. I have had a number of MRIs and CT scans for other reasons, but they show nothing that could be linked to seizures, and I guess most temporal lobe epilepsy is kind of a mystery with no obvious physical cause.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Oh, aftereffects; usually tiredness, loss of balance (I call it "tippiness") and a bit of a hard time assimilating my senses into something that really makes cohesive sense.

[Jasper]

That's a trip.  I've heard of self-induced altered states, but wow.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

That's a trip.  I've heard of self-induced altered states, but wow.

It's usually involuntary, I've just learned that if I want to, I can induce partial seizures. I don't generally want to though.

[Jasper]

Natch.  It sounds like it'd be scary.  Too bad it's dangerous.