Christian Funeral For an Atheist

[Iron Sulfide]

You heard it right. That's how I spent my day.

I began by applying the shape of a cross on my forehead with the charred remains of a recently spent bowl. Then we went to give blood, which has nothing to do with this, but it's important to do anyway. Then we went to his funeral, at a United methodist church.

Some background information: he was an atheist, blunt a simply, so he doesn't exist anymore, according to his beliefs. Fair enough. If that's what a body believes, go for it. So it doesn't bother me when they [his christian family] didn't respect his wishes that certain music be played at this funeral, or that they had it in a church. What irritated me was that they gussied it up like a sham and turned him into some beacon of something or other that makes them feel okay about it all, in a sterile way.

Some background information: he commited suicide. That's taboo in christianity, so they side stepped it as a celebration of life, completely oblivious of the irony, I'm sure.

The greatest of irony, though, was on his part, and intentional; in his suicide note, he requested that mars volta's "Deloused in the Comatorium" to be played, which is an album they wrote for someone that commited suicide.

I'm glad for that intentional irony.

Some background information: the point of life is against your throat, slowing piercing the skin.

Some people don't understand how I can be okay with the thought that someone decided to /quit life. Those people are one of the reasons he's dead.

In my personal opinion, suicide is one of the mindfuck ultimates, but it sucks because you get no bragging rights. Still, you create this cyclone of chaos and confusion in the wake, forcing people to evolve emotionally, or jumpstarting them into the march of the lemmings. Either way, it's good for business.

Some background information: No one will ever ask if you are High, ever, not ever, at a funeral. Trust me one this.

So it was an amusing day for me, all-in-all. Even though I didn't get any bites for the Ash Wednesday thing (the rev. at the church, though, did seem to notice I was "catholic" and thanked me for coming to the funeral, "under the circumstances...")

I almost LOL'd in the church when they played music, though. Deloused in that huge chamber would have been awesome. Instead, we got "tears in Heaven", "Calling all Angels", "stairway to heaven", and some shitty-est contry song called "I can only Imagine," about jesus and heaven and shit.

This was supposed to be a rant, but now it's just a journal entry. I think I'll hang myself like Chris.

[Jasper]

Self-destruction is sort of neutral to me.  It's not my thang, and I'd hate for someone I liked to do it, but I consider it the ultimate freedom to choose when and how we die.  I stand for optional suicide as a matter of principle, because if I wanted to no fucking law would stop me.

As it happens I'm rather opposed to dying.  I'd happily live without a body, but the normal lifespan won't do for me.

[Bharlion]

That is why I am glad I don't get a funeral. They are dumping my body with the rest and will be listening to some Third Eye Blind  on the way over to the mass grave if I know them right.

[Jasper]

With any luck, I'll be the one burying my old body when the time comes.

[ñͤͣ̄ͦ̌̑͗͊͛͂͗ ̸̨̨̣̺̼̣̜͙͈͕̮̊̈́̈͂͛̽͊ͭ̓͆ͅé ̰̓̓́ͯ́́͞]

With any luck, I'll be the one burying my old body when the time comes.

Sorry old body, yuo didn't have teh built in shovals.
  \

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I've always thought suicide was rather self centered.  Not when people have terrible diseases or are dying a slow death or anything like that.  But those who are basically healthy, have friends or family who give a shit, especially people with kids, it's like the ultimate fuck you yanno?

[Cramulus]

Deloused in the comatorium at a funeral? I can't even imagine that. Actually, I tried to picture someone playing those songs on an organ, and it didn't work. If it was explicitly mentioned in his suicide note, it's kind of crappy not to do it for him, but still ... anyway...

Sucks about your friend - sorry to hear it.

I guess in the end everyone got what they wanted. Your friend died and no longer exists. His family got a nice funeral because they prefer to think of their son playing guitars with jesus rather than just simply not existing.

[Jasper]

With any luck, I'll be the one burying my old body when the time comes.

Sorry old body, yuo didn't have teh built in shovals.
  \

[East Coast Hustle]

Mars Volta is teh suck.

I saw them live and they sucked so bad that someone filled an empty water bottle full of piss and hit the singer in the face with it. They stormed off the set after 3 and a half songs, and one classic line by the singer.

"Dude!...oh...what?...Oh, FUCK it's fucking PISS!"



as for suicide, I have no use for it and think it's pretty feeble, but if someone wants to do it I'd encourage them to do it before they breed.

[Iron Sulfide]

well, he didn't.

all his good friends were making jokes about his death, though, which made me feel better.

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, bowing out of your own accord when you've got kids to worry about is the ultimate in selfish and weak behavior, IMO.

that said, condolences on the loss of your friend.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm sorry to hear about your friend.

I have to say, you may view suicide as the ultimate mindfuck, and in some ways it is, but as far as forcing people to evolve... everything you encounter in life forces you to evolve. The suicide of a loved one doesn't necessarily engender evolution or growth in a positive way. My little brother killed himself  ten and a half years ago, when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter... something I never had a chance to tell him. Was it a mindfuck? Certainly was. Did I grow? I suppose I did in a way, as I was forced to adapt to the new reality of his death. Did it make me a healthier, stronger, better person in any way? No fucking way. The only thing it did for me is made me even more sharply realize what a self-centered betrayal the suicide of a young and healthy person is, which is something I already knew from years before when my friend Sharmayne, a gorgeous, intelligent, sweet 19-year-old girl, killed herself.

Sure, taking your life away from the people who love you is a mindfuck. So would be burning down their house, stealing their savings, killing their pets, raping them, or carving up their faces with a knife. Sociopathic assholes and child molesters mindfuck people ALL THE TIME. "Mindfuck" does not automatically equal "good", "constructive", or "enlightening" if you use it in that context.

[East Coast Hustle]

wicked good point.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

 

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

I will agree it is the person's choice.  I still say it is selfish as hell.

Funerals though, as that was what this began with, are for the living.  As far as I know the dead don't give a fuck!

I want everyone to party their asses off when I die!  Fuck a funeral, just have a party.  My only request is to make sure the food is excellent.  I mean damn don't embarrass me!  Then, take my ashes and flush me down the toilet 'cause all drains lead to the ocean right!