Illuminati End Of The World Projects

[hooplala]

FROM: Ramses Colossus,
Quinti-Primi Illuminati, Hermes Trismegistus Cabal

TO: Baron von Hoopla,
Esoteric Order Of Eris, Kaufman Kabal

Hoopla:

As we discussed at the zoo the other day, our plans for bringing about the End Of The World have been in motion for many years now. As I'm sure you are aware there are two lessons to any story, the obvious exoteric lesson, and the less obvious esoteric lesson. In regards to the End Of The World idea, consider the esoteric idea underneath the obvious, and it will become more clear. I'm talking about Revolution Of The Mind, Hoops. Of course, nothing of the sort has happened yet, but we're making progress.

You will -of course- remember in an earlier memo when I mentioned that we had been printing books blank, well that was simply the whipped cream on the pumpkin pie that mama made which nobody wants to eat because its so perfect it looks like it should be in magazine ad . . . in other words, nothing.

Here's some of what we've been working on:

-In 1963 we completely altered all sex education courses in North America, deleting any references to how noses and eyebrows also grow at puberty. This small change has resulted in more anti-social behavior than violent TV, video games or hip hop music combined. So far nobody has put it together.

-Bendy Straws. Not a single one has worked since 1982. This of course renders the straw completely useless. This one is subtle, but has profound effects. Have you noticed the rising state of anger in children during the last decade or so? Blame the straws. Of course, this is currently nothing. There's always a second act - wait until 2010 when ONLY bendy straws will be manufactured.

-We introduced Family Fued in late 1976 in an attempt to push the idea of herd mentality over the cliff, but even we were surprised by the zeal the public showed in attempting to be just like everyone else. In retrospect, this could be because we went with our softer title, which encouraged competition, instead of our original choice which we eventually deemed too obvious: "Be Like Me". Live and learn.

-Since the invention of the bikini bathing suit in 1946 we have been changing the way doctors are taught to cut umbilical cords, thereby subtly deforming the appearance of the average belly button over time in North America. Grotesque bellybuttons undermine a society's sense of self worth, but of course only if they are always visible, so once belly button esthetics reached an all-time low we introduced the fad of the bellytop. Self esteem and IQ levels plummeted across the continent - but wait until 2009, when the male bellytop fad is introduced. PANDEMONIUM!

There's more of course, but I'm pressed for time, being a very busy man. I can't say much about the project I am currently working on, but I can say that it involves the S Club 7 and Outer Space. Chew on that!

TTFN,

Ramses

PS: Concerning that Christopher Lee comment I happen to think I look more like Frank Langella, and sound more like Orson Welles.

[Bharlion]

Terrifying. I didn't know any of that kind of stuff. Did anyone ever hear about the rabid bats they released into Vietnam during the war there?

Can't stop here. This is bat country!

[LMNO]

I immediately nominate this essay to be included in Lollercaust.

I also present a motion to ressurect Lollercaust from the grave.


This is the motion:   



All in favor?

[Cain]

I'm going to work Chinese Democracy into the Lollercaust project if it kills me.

[hooplala]

What's Lollercaust again?

[LMNO]

The funny version of the BIP.

I was thinking Enricos Golden Bull could go in there, as well.

[hooplala]

Sacred Bull, but cool.

I'll pass that along to Ramses as well.

[barumunk]

 
   Thats me Fourthing the motion (tho my say prob means bugger all)
   /

[Cramulus]

Over at the WOMP Cabal HQ, I have numerous posts and parables and gibberish which I think are "funny" and belonged in some sort of LOLLERCAUSTesque publication. At request, I will release them from the vault and dump them somewhere.

[hooplala]

I don't really have the right mindset for BIP, maybe I would be better suited for Lollercaust?

[Cramulus]

Amongst the WOMP Cabal I had proposed the theme "Sexy Robot Future". Regardless of what it is, it needs some funny theme to pull it all together.

[hooplala]

Say what?

[LMNO]

Three conversations, one thread.

[hooplala]

I followed Cram's first post, but his second lost me, so it must be directed at one of y'all.

[Mangrove]

I'm going to work Chinese Democracy into the Lollercaust project if it kills me.

WOMPs of Axl Rose?