Limericks

[AFK]

In Limericks, there isn't a sin,
so my thanks, dear RHWN!
for this forum thread,
we can post till we're dead.
I think that this forum is WIN!

But not like that sad waste of time,
in the Pun House where nary a rhyme,
can be seen or heard,
just the twist of a word
and we all know that Punning's a crime!

Actually the Pun House does have a couple of rhyming puns, one of which is a Limerick.

I've quickly realized I suck at Limericks thus I've subtracted my moniker from this thread. 

Lastly, Rat, how would you feel about someone (me) committing your Limericks to tape, er MP3?  I'm thinking of the more Discordian ones. 

[LMNO]

I was thinking the same thing.


Check out the Beastie Boys' "Negotiation Limerick File" on Hello Nasty.  They do a whole rap based on the limerick style. it's pretty cool.

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

In Limericks, there isn't a sin,
so my thanks, dear RHWN!
for this forum thread,
we can post till we're dead.
I think that this forum is WIN!

But not like that sad waste of time,
in the Pun House where nary a rhyme,
can be seen or heard,
just the twist of a word
and we all know that Punning's a crime!

Actually the Pun House does have a couple of rhyming puns, one of which is a Limerick.

Well, yeah, but the meter didn't measure with exceptions

Lastly, Rat, how would you feel about someone (me) committing your Limericks to tape, er MP3?  I'm thinking of the more Discordian ones. 

In limerick, I wrote a wee verse,
its pattern forced me to be terse,
though I love to write prose
some think I'm verbose
But it's due to my name, what a curse!

(David means "Beloved"; Clyde is welsh for "heard from afar". My mother thus called me her beloved bigmouth)

Oh and you can record my limericks if you want to

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

I was thinking the same thing.


Check out the Beastie Boys' "Negotiation Limerick File" on Hello Nasty.  They do a whole rap based on the limerick style. it's pretty cool.

LOL, I haven't heard that rap in a minute!

[Cramulus]

I met a lewd nude in Bermuda,
Who thought she was shrewd ; I was shrewder;
     She thought it was crude
     To be wooed in the nude;
I pursued her,subdued her and screwed her.

[Cramulus]

There once was a priest from Dundee,
Who went in the alley to pee.
Dominiscus Nobiscum,
Oh why don't the piss come?
It must be the C-L-A-P.




There once was young man named Dave
who kept a dead whore in a cave
     "I know it's a sin,"
     he said with a grin,
"But think of the money I save!"

[Bu🤠ns]

A post here i couldn't resist
To put this thread on to my list
To be in the know
And help this thread grow
Just like an ovarian cyst

[Bu🤠ns]

There once was a woman named Alice
Who used a dynamite stick for a phallus
It blew her vagina
To North Carolina
And ass to Buckingham Palace

[Cramulus]

A post here i couldn't resist
To put this thread on to my list
To be in the know
And help this thread grow
Just like an ovarian cyst

Here is a simpler answer:
If this thread were a cyst we could lance her.
    But these verbal crimes
    and corny-ass rhymes
are much more like ovarian cancer

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

On Olympus did Peleus find,
the right girl, right place and right time.
He wooed Thetis to wed,
and then take to bed,
and thought everything would be fine.

Of course, the wedding went wrong,
tis remembered in story and song.
Though they all blame Eris,
and her gift to the fairest...
I think they were smoking a bong!

Myrmidons, were Peleus' peeps,
a race born of Ants, were the creeps.
But Thetis, you see,
was a nymph from the sea,
And where would an ant and nymph sleep?!

[Eve]

Cramulus, I tried to resist
But limericks just spring from my wrist
I'd stick with haikus
But it would be a ruse
Mine at least have an innocent twist

[Darth Cupcake]

I unfortunately cannot take credit for the following limericks--they are the works of one Wendy Cope, but they are just too hilarious, if you have ever read "The Wasteland," by T. S. Eliot (which it seems just about everyone is forced to read at least once before leaving school).

The Wasteland Limericks

I

In April one seldom feels cheerful;
Dry stones, sun and dust make me fearful;
Clairvoyantes distress me,
Commuters depress me--
Met Stetson and gave him an earful.

II

She sat on a mighty fine chair,
Sparks flew as she tidied her hair;
She asks many questions,
I make few suggestions--
Bad as Albert and Lil--what a pair!

III

The Thames runs, bones rattle, rats creep;
Tiresias fancies a peep--
A typist is laid,
A record is played--
Wei la la. After this it gets deep.

IV

A Phoenician named Phlebas forgot
About birds and his business--the lot,
Which is no surprise,
Since he'd met his demise
And been left in the ocean to rot.

V

No water. Dry rocks and dry throats,
Then thunder, a shower of quotes
From the Sanskrit and Dante.
Da. Damyata. Shantih.
I hope you'll make sense of the notes.

[Bu🤠ns]

A post here i couldn't resist
To put this thread on to my list
To be in the know
And help this thread grow
Just like an ovarian cyst

Here is a simpler answer:
If this thread were a cyst we could lance her.
    But these verbal crimes
    and corny-ass rhymes
are much more like ovarian cancer

These corny rhymes, without a doubt
make for dreadful, cancerous spout
though lest we be blessed
to save a nice breast
And say tits or GTFO!

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[Triple Zero]

a poet once tried for a month
to find a word rhyming with purple
he thought maybe orange
and possibly silver
are bad words for a limerick writer

[Bu🤠ns]

It's hard to wake up at the last hour
and rise from bed without glower
you might try and combine
your routines to save time
it's just a shame you can't shit in the shower.

(i'm havin a hard time writing a limerick that isn't dirty. )