News:

Testimonial: "This board is everything that's fucking wrong with the internet"

Main Menu

The lord is my devil

Started by P3nT4gR4m, February 29, 2008, 04:09:00 PM

Previous topic - Next topic

P3nT4gR4m

There's one hand behind everything
pulling the strings

some call him the devil
and some call him god

the lord is my shepherd
he maketh me consumer goods and an appetite for consumtion

the devil takes them back again
and teaches me to hate

the greatest creation that god ever pulled was duality
convincing us there's two of him

and only one deserves to rule

the lord is my shepherd
he leadeth me to slaughter

he giveth me weapons
to fight against the weapons he gave to mine enemies

he tells me they are evil
as I was accused unto them

we both of us, my enemy and me
paid dearly for those weapons

to fight for our freedom
to pay the ultimate price

The lord got both cheques
along with two sets of conflicting gratitude

I am promised a great life
in exchange for the one I have now

If I'm still around after I die then I can collect

If I shop around I can get a better deal
like 50 free virgins when I get there
but that's patently ridiculous and besides
the people who promise this are quite obviously evil
I mean they carry weapons!
which reminds me, I need another assualt rifle to protect myself from those lunatics
I'd better see the lord about that!

I'm up to my arse in Brexit Numpties, but I want more.  Target-rich environments are the new sexy.
Not actually a meat product.
Ass-Kicking & Foot-Stomping Ancient Master of SHIT FUCK FUCK FUCK
Awful and Bent Behemothic Results of Last Night's Painful Squat.
High Altitude Haggis-Filled Sex Bucket From Beyond Time and Space.
Internet Monkey Person of Filthy and Immoral Pygmy-Porn Wart Contagion
Octomom Auxillary Heat Exchanger Repairman
walking the fine line line between genius and batshit fucking crazy

"computation is a pattern in the spacetime arrangement of particles, and it's not the particles but the pattern that really matters! Matter doesn't matter." -- Max Tegmark

Coyote

Hah, I like the ending especially.

Triple Zero

Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Adjective Noun

Loved it, and for your random lulz I heard a rumour that the 'virgins' promised in the afterlife may actually be an inspired mis-translation of 'sun-dried grapes' (aka, raisins). Havnt had time to check the truth of it though

FingFeng

Quote from: Oedipus complex on March 01, 2008, 10:52:16 PMI heard a rumour that the 'virgins' promised in the afterlife may actually be an inspired mis-translation of 'sun-dried grapes' (aka, raisins). Havnt had time to check the truth of it though
Quite literally spat coffee through my nose.

The ultimate: **Terms and conditions subject to change without notice.

Man, they're gonna be SO pissed.


~ Poke Fing Feng III

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

Quote from: Oedipus complex on March 01, 2008, 10:52:16 PM
Loved it, and for your random lulz I heard a rumour that the 'virgins' promised in the afterlife may actually be an inspired mis-translation of 'sun-dried grapes' (aka, raisins). Havnt had time to check the truth of it though
:lulz: :lulz: :lulz:
"I'm guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk," Charles Wick said. "It was very complicated."


Requia ☣

Quote from: Oedipus complex on March 01, 2008, 10:52:16 PM
Loved it, and for your random lulz I heard a rumour that the 'virgins' promised in the afterlife may actually be an inspired mis-translation of 'sun-dried grapes' (aka, raisins). Havnt had time to check the truth of it though

There really are virgins, big straping southern farm boys the lot of them.
Inflatable dolls are not recognized flotation devices.