AbbyGasm

[Dalek]

Bump. I'm really curious about how it went since there are no posts about that.

[Cramulus]

to my knowledge, I don't think anybody did anything.

If anyone cares to, the next step is to re-summarize the project and draw up a plan of action

[Lord Quantum]

The Summary
Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to join in on the Golden Apple Corps' latest plan for seeding chaos, AbbyGASM.

The objective: to send emails during the week of March 7th - March 13th to popular advice columns claiming to be from concerned parents, friends (etc) asking for help in dealing with a situation involving a loved one who has recently been pulled into the cult commonly referred to as Discordianism. Ideally, the letters will all mention a recent Discordian gathering, "Devival 2010".  Victory will be declared if (a) one of the columns actually prints one of our letters (b) the media does a story on "Devival 2010" or Discordianism in general or (c) a major televangelist delivers a sermon/produces a tract about Discordianism.

The Plan of Action

To Do:

• Collect addresses of the ten most popular advice columns.

Amy Dickson:  askamy@tribune.com
Dear Abby: http://www.uexpress.com/dearabby/dearabby_form.html
Cheryl Lavin: cheryllavin@aol.com
Carolyn Hax: tellme@washpost.com
Since You Asked (Salon): advice@salon.com
Advice Goddess:  adviceamy@aol.com
Savage Love: mail@savagelove.net
Billy Graham: "My Answer," c/o Billy Graham, Billy Graham Evangelistic Association, 1 Billy Graham Parkway, Charlotte, N.C., 28201  (can't find e-mail)
Miss Manners, c/o the Chicago Tribune, 435 N. Michigan Ave., Chicago, IL 60611

We could try to hit up a few college newspaper advice columns too.

To Do:

• Write up a page on the wiki about AbbyGASM. Explain what it is, how it works, and how to get involved. Make sure the "buzz week" date is posted loud and clear.
• Push links to this project ALL OVER THE WEB. Hit 23ae, facebook, myspace, lj, poee, eb&G, irreality, ANYWHERE where Discordians hang out.


• During buzz week, and for a week or two afterwards, we'll hide the wiki page, so that advice columnists doing background research on this thing won't see the project and spoil the prank.


• Collect any buzz that comes up, and post it to the wiki

If no one has any problems with the proposed buzz week (March 11-17) then I'll post this on the wiki page. And I'll canvas all the Discordian groups on facebook as well. Also, we need to figure out whether or not we're going to make a site for the Devival.

[Lord Quantum]

For your convenience here are some sample letters, written by Nigel and the Contessa.

One thing to know is that you don't need (or want) to try to mimic the "voice" of letters that are published, because they're all rewritten anyway... that's why they all "sound" the same. Writing in the "Dear Abby" voice might tend to get your letter discounted as a fake... instead, try writing a letter in your own voice, or in the voice of an imaginary friend, like Big Lita:

Dear Abby,

I'm worried about my son. He just turned 17 and is into the internet and has a lot of friends who are into the internet also. Lately he's been reading a lot of books that raise red flags for me like some books by the Satanist author Robert Anton Wilson and others. He use to be a really good kid but now he is lacking the respect he use to have for the school, the authorieties, and including us, and has some kind of smart comment for every time we try to have a normal conversation. He has stopped going to Church with us and has gotten involed with some kind of "religion" called "discordia". I guess he found it on the internet and a lot of his friends are involved in it to. It gets more disturbing Abby, this "religion" which really I think I'd rather call a cult is a complete fake, theres a book for it that was written in the sixties and I read parts of it and it sounds like a bunch of drugged-out hippys to me. But my main concern is that this book and the other members of the cult promote a lack of respect for "everything". They don't take anything seriously, and my son is starting to be warped by this mindset, he even laughs at bad news on the TV sometimes and I'm afraid it's stealing his humanity away as well as his soul. I cant find very much information about "discordia", but I was hoping you could help point me in the right direction for getting help for my son and also warn your readers about the dangers of cults, even ones that are desguised as jokes!

Thank you and God bless,

Lita Alba, Salt Lake City

Cool... someone please feel free to use the one I wrote earlier, I'll write a new one for myself.

Dear advice columnist,

I am a 33 year old gay man in a relationship with a younger man... he's 24. We've been seeing each other for about eight months, and one of the things I've always liked about him is that he's very spontaneous and kind of "out there" in terms of his sense of humor and philosophy; he's really delightful to be around and is always coming up with the most fascinating things to talk about - life with him is never boring! However, in the last couple of weeks he's started talking about a religion called "Discordia", and is making plans to attend some kind of festival or gathering that is put on by the Discordia organization. At first it sounded a little bit like Burning Man or a Rainbow gathering, both of which I'm familiar with, but the more he talks about it the stranger and creepier it's starting to sound, and I'm wondering now if he's gotten himself involved with something darker than it originally seemed to be. I'm not sheltered per se, but I am a moderate Christian and I haven't had a lot of exposure to the occult... but that's what this is reminding me of. I haven't been able to find out anything about this Discordia organization at the library, and I'm wondering if you can tell me what this is, whether I should be concerned for my boyfriend, and if it's something I should confront him about, or if it's harmless and I can chalk it up to another of his normal hi-jinks.

Dear advice columnist,

I am the stepmother and mother to two girls, aged 17 and 12 respectively. I married my husband when my stepdaughter was only 3, and we have always been very close; I think of her as my own child, and she and my birth-daughter are inseparable despite the age difference. We have raised our girls to be independent, strong children who can think for themselves and who have a strong foundation in family. We aren't churchgoers, but we have raised our girls to be both moral and ethical, and warned them about the dangers of getting involved with kids who are "rebelling" against something. Our philosophy has always been that if we provide them with trust, guidance, and our open minds, they will have no reason to rebel, and so far it seems to have worked wonderfully; they come to us when they have questions or issues, instead of going to other kids for answers.

Last year, high-speed internet finally became available in our somewhat rural area, so we bought a new computer for Christmas and had the internet installed at our home. It's been wonderful for researching homework and for allowing the girls to keep up with their friends who live too far away for them to visit regularly, and they seem to enjoy it tremendously. My concern is that they have, perhaps against my better judgement, set up accounts on Myspace, and through their friends there, have found a group called "The Dynamic Legion of Discord" on Myspace. Normally I really trust my girls' judgement on clubs and groups they want to participate in, but in this case I really don't know what to think. Everything I've found on the World Wide Web has been, honestly, indecipherable nonsense, and when I ask the girls about it they laugh and tell me it's a joke. They're talking to me and their father less lately, and spend an awful lot of time holed up in their room laughing... and when I ask them to explain the joke, nothing they say makes any sense.

Even this wouldn't concern me so much, but my stepdaughter has asked permission to travel to some group meeting, and when I told her that I couldn't allow her to go unchaperoned, she said "Well I'll be 18 by then, and if you won't help me I'll do it on my own". I'm scared... I don't know these people, I don't understand what they're about, and now I feel like I'm losing my daughter to them. My younger girl is now mad at me and her father, and they're spending more and more time talking about things that just don't seem to make sense. If there is anything you can tell me that will help me understand what my girls are dealing with, I would be very grateful!

-A Concerned Mom

Dear Advice Columnist,

Me and my best friend Josh have known each other for practically ever... we even went to first grade in the same class. We always have spent almost every weekend together and sometimes we go on vacations and camping with each others families. We are both juniors at Lincoln High, and we are planning to start applying to the same colleges soon so we can go to college together. He is pretty much the person I am closest to in the whole world besides my sister and my mom... we tell each other EVERYTHING. About six months ago Josh started talking about this book he read, called the Principia Discordia. It was pretty cool and he got me to read it, but I guess I didn't think it was as deep or whatever as he did... it's mostly just a bunch of goofy stuff written a long time ago, like when our parents were kids. Anyway, after a couple of months of trying to talk to me about it, he said that he found some other people who are really into it online... The Discordian Society or something like that... and now he says his religion is Discordian and he's going to this thing called the Devival, which is a big festival where they all get together and, I guess, worship.

Here's the thing that I'm really having a problem with, though, is that because I'm not into the Discordian Society, this is the first time Josh has ever gotten all excited about doing something WITHOUT me. I feel so left out, and he doesn't seem to get it. I thought we were best friends, and it's like he's forgotten all about it. My mom says that when people grow up sometimes they can grow apart, and nobody seems at all concerned about what he's doing, but honestly it's WIERD. It's not AT ALL like the old Josh, and not like the stuff we used to do together. He's not even excited about looking at college brochures anymore, and he talks about doing things that sound, well maybe not illegal, but definitely things that sound like trouble, I can't really go into details because he doesn't talk about it to me very much anymore. Please help! Nobody will listen to me! All the adults I know just tell me not to worry or they say that I'll get over it, but I am not the one who needs to get over anything! I just want my old best friend back.

Sincerly,

Becky Strodtmeyer

If this GASM is still a go (and I hope it is, because I bought stamps), here's an alternate spin along the lines of ZOMG DEY R IN TEH SKOOLZ THINKZ UV DA CHILDRENZ!!1!:



Dear Advice Columnist:

I am in the eighth grade. I am not very popular. We have a new substitute teacher, and she is realy nice and cool and does not let the other kids pick on me or make fun of my clothes. And she said she is a Discordian, so people like that do not bother her. That they are a joke. I do not know what Discordian is? She says it is a religion. There is a devival for this religion and she is going and she said I could go too if I want but my parents wont let me cause they say it is no real religion.

Anyway I really want to go if it means I dont care about people laughing at me anymore and is it a real religion?

Thank you,
Jess



Just one mention that these depraved Discordians are in our schools, and we're in like Flynn, methinks. Or is that too sinister?

[Muir]

I'm in.  But being in England, I'll need to find some british advice columnists.  Will have a look and post them here, if that's ok?  As for the site, I think it's a given that it must be done.  I'll ask a friend of mine if he would be interested in making a fake site for it. (He's not a member of the forums here, but he was the one who introduced me to discordianism so he's ok.   No promises whether he'll do it, but never hurts to ask.

[Lord Quantum]

Thanks Muir, but uh...are there any Americans interested?

[Golden Applesauce]

I totally forgot that I was the one who started this thread.  Which would seem to imply that I have some measure of responsibility to seeing that something gets done about it...

[Lord Quantum]

Awesome! So what do you think about the date for buzz week? Too soon? Too late? Just right?

[Muir]

Actually Quantum, I am American - just living in the UK. 

Also, why is it that all of these gasms seem to be USA only? I would have thought that international coverage would be a good thing (i.e. make it seem more "real")...

[Lord Quantum]

Because most of the people here are Americans. If you want a more local flavor of chaos, you should head over to poee.co.uk.

[Doktor Howl]

Actually Quantum, I am American - just living in the UK. 

Also, why is it that all of these gasms seem to be USA only? I would have thought that international coverage would be a good thing (i.e. make it seem more "real")...

If you want more UK GASMS, then start some.

[Muir]

hehe, that actually makes sense, good Doktor.   I'll have to look into doing just that. Although I'll still gladly help out in the US "only" ones when I can, as the more people involved equals more hilarity.  Also, in this case, an american email address is easily obtainable.

Quantum, there is one problem with poee.co.uk - it's pretty much dead.  The front page hasn't been updated since November last year.

[Golden Applesauce]

Awesome! So what do you think about the date for buzz week? Too soon? Too late? Just right?

TBH I no longer think such impersonal GASMs have any use beyond the fun the have for the one perpetrating them.  So I really no longer care about AbbyGASM.

[Lord Quantum]

So you don't like AbbyGASM or GASMs in general?

[Cramulus]

Awesome! So what do you think about the date for buzz week? Too soon? Too late? Just right?

TBH I no longer think such impersonal GASMs have any use beyond the fun the have for the one perpetrating them.  So I really no longer care about AbbyGASM.

TBH your opinion is whack


but regardless--
we're not seeing a lot of people go "sign me up!" so maybe this idea wasn't fun enough to begin with