Rev Roger, MSY29: Your Guide to The City

[The Good Reverend Roger]

It seems that The Good Reverend may have a paid writing gig, at least for a short time.  I say "a short time", because the magazine in question is one of those city rags that "spotlights" The City, and primarily serves tourists and yuppies with their needs for a sanitized good time.

Ho Ho!  Just exactly how long do you suppose The Rev will keep THAT gig?  Will I even be published once?  Or will they hold their noses and call a hazmat team to haul off my fevered and disgusting take on what a good time is?

I intend to accept their offer, and then show them what a night on the town really is.  If you wish to go to Old Tucson and come out wearing a foam cowboy hat, then my column probably won't be for you...but if on the other hand, you wish to hit 4th Avenue, where the freaks and the trannies and the good times really are, then I'm your man.  In addition, the advice I give may keep you out of real trouble, if a slightly risky night out is what you're after. 

For example, 4th Ave is fairly safe, if a little disturbing.  Nobody ever got mugged out front of an adult toy store, for example...it's bad for business, and the proprietors usually scare the bad guys, anyway.  But if you happen to wander into the wrong neighborhood, your wrong-fun night out can quickly turn into something ugly.  The Dirty Boys on Grant Road LIKE you, but probably couldn't eat you in one sitting (not that it would help you).

No, you're better off heeding my advice, and I just hope the editor understands that, when he reads a review of the latest lesbian bookstore or leather bar.  The press has a responsibility to keep reputable citizens away from Grant Road, and surely that is more important than some bitching on the part of the Chamber of Commerce, which fervently wishes that places like 4th Ave would just go away.

But what do they know?  As far as they're concerned, a "good time" means visiting Wild Cat Stadium and Old Tucson...and while that may be fun for born-agains and folks with small children, it just doesn't satisfy America's need for some filthy, sticky fun.

You see, most people don't know that Tombstone and Tucson never died...the 1880s are alive and well, if you know where to look (though your chances of getting randomly shot have dropped to acceptable levels).  There's still some real fun out there, at least for those who are serious about having a good time.

So I'll see you in print, provided the editor understands what he's getting into...or they'll stun me with a taser and have me removed by animal control, like some diseased weasel that has somehow escaped notice until now.  Either way is fine by me because - like the giants that used to run this joint, so many years ago - I'm up for ANY PROGRAM.

Or kill me.

[Triple Zero]

congrats on getting that writing gig, Roger!

[Payne]

Wow.

I really hope your prospective editors have some intelligence and a sense of humour. I can imagine folks in here wanting commemorative issues and everything!

Sounds like a fuckin' blast.

[LMNO]

Lulz have been locked, and loaded.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I'm sooo excited to see where this goes...

[Requia ☣]

Hope to see the articles if possible Rog (Especially if it's something they won't print).