And now for the 5:46 news

[BootyBay]

Iraqi intelligence officials have ascertained the identity of the mysterious leader of a terrorist organization.  His name is General Petraeus.
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The Pentagon announced today that Iran's nuclear program has a "distinct possibility" of generating one nuclear warhead every sixteen years.  Dire predictions have been made for the year 18,008 when their nuclear capabilities match ours.
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Nobel-prize winning politician Al Gore called for a plan to "construct your own alternative energy" so the average consumer can help meet developing requirements on using green energy.  Lego has mobilized to launch a series of products to do just that.  They are projected to be out by the end of the year.
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North Korea vehemently decried the United States policy of ignoring their position in the Axis of Evil despite their unequivocal record at being evil.  "Iran and Iraq get all the coverage!!"  said a furious Kim Jon Ill today.  "We have tripled our executions and have launched a campaign to starve 20% of the country!  What's a dictatorship gotta do to get some coverage?"
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The Chinese have issued a statement regarding a crucial foreign policy.  Rumors indicate this statement is ominous in nature.  Unfortunately, an American who understands Chinese could not be found.  Experts blamed a liberal conspiracy to separate Church and State for this abysmal trend in United States educational standards.  Upon further questioning, one expert commented, "If God ain't in dem schools, dem Fags is gonna wreck our kids.  Dem kids is not gonna learn dem Chinese... theyz gonna learn bout leather spandex!"
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I'm Ekkstremo the Clown and all of us here at some random news station hope you have a good night.