My attempt at poetry (non-food oriented)

[Soup]

I wrote this when I was 14 and hadn't even heard of anything to do with self freedom.
Opinions?

MY NIRVANA
I sit in my hell hole
A little 4x8 square
And stare through my window
A little hole
Dug into the next cell
I see the emptiness
And think "Great!"
"Hell has room for more."
So I think

My thoughts they tumble
An unordered sequence
Like the number burned
Into my skull
A barcode, just in case
I ever become
Usefull.
And my thoughts turn.

I think hard and my thoughts become
A dream that grows
A thought of life
A dream of joy
A chance of happiness
And I turn
To my personal Nirvana.

A place of wonder
More of a state of mind
Where every moment
Is complete ecstasy
And perfect calm.

More than just
What on Earth we achieve
A glimpse of Nirvana
Of pure, unbridled ecstasy
A moment of happiness
Marked with a sigh or a moan
Because we know
We can never make it
Fully into Nirvana.

So my mind creates
An illusion of joy
From moments gained
Peeping in the window
Of a windowless place
And all I see
Is a blank explosion
And total eradication
Of mentality.
And I return

Now back in my hell
I sit and I wonder
Would being in Nirvana
Be worth it?
To have total joy
But not know it.
As my hands wrap around
My pencil stand.
I think of the irony
For as I bash my brains into ecstasy
The first thing gone
Is the barcode.
So much for being usefull.