Author Topic: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine  (Read 31799 times)

hoopla

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The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« on: October 03, 2008, 03:57:43 pm »
she's so green she doesn't watch movies because of film being made from organic beings.  She cherishes her liberal guilt like a close relative whose recently lost its legs in a landmine accident.  If youre going to eat meat, she says, at least buy free range haven't you seen the PETA ads?  Don't you listen to PETA?  she only drinks rain water, and seems never to bathe.  she speaks often and lovingly about green condos, as if they might be a viable answer to the urban sprawl problem.  she sneers at ketchup, but then again, so do I... but wait, there's more... she refuses to use toilet paper, MUCH TOO WASTEFUL!  she instead has rags which she washes over and over again.  stop and think about that before moving on.  she has rags of shit she washes over and over again.  shit.  and, don't get her started on paper towels, she will foam at the mouth, like she does when she brushes her teeth with baking soda.  yes, she brushes her teeth with baking soda.  she refuses to listen to music by artists who don't share her worldview, and barely tolerates those around her who don't.  she speaks often about moving to the country.  moving to the country.  moving to the country.  moving to the country.  she speaks often often often about moving to the country.  anywhere to escape the stink of the city.  the stink of millions of people crammed together daily.  does she consider what we would smell like if we all used rags to wipe the shit from our asses?  i wonder.

where does her greenness stop?  what is her limit?  BIRTH CONTROL, apparently.  the woman has four children already, and a fifth one up the stick.  five children, my friends.  five more mouths to cry for McDonald Happy Meals.  five more mouths to grow up and consume.  five more bodies to stink up this city.  five more bodies to add to the 6,602,224,175 bodies already weighing down and stinking up this mudball we call Earth. 

GREEN?  don't make me laugh, bitch, i'm goofy enough as it is.
“Soon all of us will have special names” — Professor Brian O’Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes" — Walt Whitman

East Coast Hustle

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #1 on: October 03, 2008, 06:05:19 pm »
:mittens:
Rabid Colostomy Hole Jammer of the Coming Apocalypse™

The Devil is in the details; God is in the nuance.


Some yahoo yelled at me, saying 'GIVE ME LIBERTY OR GIVE ME DEATH', and I thought, "I'm feeling generous today.  Why not BOTH?"

Cainad (dec.)

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #2 on: October 03, 2008, 06:10:26 pm »
That was good. :mittens: I feel like I've known this person at one point or another...

hoopla

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #3 on: October 03, 2008, 08:01:29 pm »
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that people with kids won't be as thrilled with this piece.
“Soon all of us will have special names” — Professor Brian O’Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes" — Walt Whitman

Dr Goofy

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #4 on: October 03, 2008, 08:06:48 pm »
 :mittens:

Alethias

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #5 on: October 03, 2008, 11:03:40 pm »
Just come up with green birth-control pills and she'll probably take them.  Also, some women enjoy the way being pregnant feels, and that makes it hard for them to want to use birth control.

I have kids, and I thought it was a kool piece.  Kids are just little people and most people are annoying.  Hence most kids are annoying.  If I had it to do over I'd have done it different, but I was a christian fundy at the time.

O well.  Sometimes we change our outlook and are still responsible for the outcome of our earlier choices.

Jasper

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #6 on: October 03, 2008, 11:34:51 pm »
I'm   S  :mittens: with this post.

The Dark Monk

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #7 on: October 03, 2008, 11:42:45 pm »
If you're going green, can you still eat this?
http://farm1.static.flickr.com/150/337066999_e6ac1e79c8.jpg
I thought this is all there is,
but now I know you are so much more.
I want to upgrade from my simple eight bits,
but will you still love me when I'm sixty-four?
~MIAB~

Mesozoic Mister Nigel

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #8 on: October 04, 2008, 12:00:35 am »
Hahaha that was awesome! I've worked with that crazy hippie bitch. And you know what else she washes and uses over and over and over? The rags that she uses for her period.

I love that they all want to move to the country so they can negatively impact an even bigger piece of the environment. Bitches need to study Paolo Soleri.

“I’m guessing it was January 2007, a meeting in Bethesda, we got a bag of bees and just started smashing them on the desk,” Charles Wick said. “It was very complicated.”


Bu🤠ns

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #9 on: October 04, 2008, 12:33:50 am »
This is wonderful...i have kids also...they also happened to have been cryin for mcdonalds this very evening and when i read that part ... yeah, i winced.  it's still really good.

:mittens:

Jenne

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #10 on: October 04, 2008, 04:42:23 am »
 :mittens:

LMNO

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #11 on: October 04, 2008, 04:46:00 am »
wow, the moms and dads are on board.

phaedrusthemad

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #12 on: October 04, 2008, 02:45:41 pm »
My wife claims that I'm a dad.  Twice. 

We like toilet paper.

hoopla

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #13 on: October 04, 2008, 04:42:50 pm »
Crazy Harry!
“Soon all of us will have special names” — Professor Brian O’Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes" — Walt Whitman

hoopla

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Re: The Supposedly Green Baby Making Machine
« Reply #14 on: October 04, 2008, 04:44:25 pm »
I think this may also be my first official 'rant'... I'm not really much of a ranter usually.
“Soon all of us will have special names” — Professor Brian O’Blivion

"Now's not the time to get silly, so wear your big boots and jump on the garbage clowns." — Bob Dylan?

"Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself, I am large, I contain multitudes" — Walt Whitman