Intermittens Issue 2: Submissions/Discussions

[Cramulus]

Vex, are you keeping the same theme / cover?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

same theme, new cover.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

here is the list of people who swore on their mothers' graves that they would submit something for this publication, minus the people who actually have. if your name is on the list, please try to at least come up with a title for whatever it is you're going to submit. if your name is on the list and you already have submitted something, x-post it here so i can find it more easily :P

Writers:
Payne - will write a General column
Cainad - writes "Who Killed the Lulz"
Hoopla - Advice Column / Glorious Antics
Manta Obscura - some column
Requiem - Horrormirth (current events)
Nigel - Pranking
Iason - take some of the questions from Billy Graham's daily column and answer them from a Discordian perspective
Jenne - Speaking as a Mother


Artists:
Telarus - will provide doodles or layout on demand
Nurbldoff - Illustrations (suggestions must be provided)
Harlequin - Artwork


Misc.
Khara - Miscellaneous assistance ("I'm in to do whatever is needed.")
LMNO - something
Enki - fake ads

Nurbldoff - since you wanted suggestions, i suggest you start with some quick graphics that can go in as extras, not necessarily related to anything else. preferably something that conveys the feeling of trench warfare or mass starvation or other such lighthearted subjects.

also, if you've got a new submission ready, please PM them to me rather than posting them here. i'd like to keep the content in the magazine so people who want to read it actually have to get the magazine.

[hooplala]

I told Payne that since he was planning to use the Enrico interview with Larry King that I was going to refrain from starting his column until the next issue.   

Here is the link:  http://www.principiadiscordia.com/forum/index.php?topic=8328.0

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Mine might be more of a "prank report" with pictures, because if I have to do a prank a month I think I'll be more inspired.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

Mine might be more of a "prank report" with pictures, because if I have to do a prank a month I think I'll be more inspired.

this is the best idea ever.

[Jenne]

Khara and I are workin' hard on a sort of "Toys for Asshats" list.

[tyrannosaurus vex]

issue #2 cover [still under construction]:

[Iason Ouabache]

Swote!  I'm glad you corrected the spelling of the word "sustaining".  It was starting to bug me in Kai's thread.

[LMNO]

Is this still themed on the Building blocks of the New Discordia?

[tyrannosaurus vex]

yeah, since we seem to be on a roll with that topic, and i don't want to screw up any momentum we might already have.

[LMNO]

Cool.

I'll see what I can whip up today.

[Manta Obscura]

Here is the Whoroscope that I whipped up previously. I shall post the Discordian-style Whoroscope momentarily, as well as Cram's description of the five Discordian "signs."

I am also working on a non-fluff essay about building blocks of Discordia which should be ready either today or tomorrow, and shall post that as well.






Whoroscope
By Manta Obscura

Your Birthday Today
November [Insert Date Here], 2008

Happy anniversary of being pushed headfirst from your mother's vagina! Today will bring an unexpected surprise or two from a person you haven't met in awhile. I don't wanna spoil the fun, so I'll just say this: it rhymes with menital merpes.

Aries
March 21-April 19

You'll incur some unexpected expenses in the coming months, mainly in the form of strip-club bills. Try to counteract this financial offset with some extra frugality right now.

Taurus
April 20-May 20

You'll receive an unexpected and pleasant call today from some piece of ass that totally wants to jump your bones. Unfortunately, the resulting Butterfly Effect from the phone ringing will cause the destruction of a village in India. Good luck dealing with your guilt, fucker.

Gemini
May 21-June 20

Mars is in peak zenith to the arc of Saturn at Capricorn, and erstwhile the astrological configurations of Io are in conjunction with the thelema of your body's quark spin. You know what that means . . .

Cancer
June 21-July 22

Your astrological sign is retarded, and causes pain and suffering to millions. Go throw yourself to the river.

Leo
July 23-August 22

Marital relations should be approached with caution in the next few days. Especially since your wife caught you crooning the name of that new hottie down in HR during your sleep. I mean, damn.

Virgo
August 23-September 22

You've undoubtedly been feeling a surge of energy and good vibes recently, leading you to greet others with a smile and a "Howdy-do!" in the mornings. Well, stop it. That shit is annoying for those of us who aren't morning people.

Libra
September 23-October 22

Take off that tie; you look like an idiot in purple. Your black one is at the back of your closet, on the left.

Scorpio
October 23-November 21

Go grab a copy of today's local paper and check the Advanced Crossword. You got it? Okay: do you have any idea what the hell 21 Down is supposed to be?

No?

Fuck.

Sagittarius
November 22-December 21

Cosmic forces are coalescing to send you some positive spiritual energy. Help them out with a few shots of tequila.

Capricorn
December 22-January 19

That hottie you're seeing this Friday?

Trannie. Pre-op.

Aquarius
January 20-February 18

The spirits of your deceased loved ones are cheering you on in your business endeavors from the Beyond. Ignore them and go play frisbee.

Pisces
February 19-March 20

That joke you keep telling about the parrot, the monkey and the Jehovah's Witness sucks hairy balls. The spirits and I hope you get hit by a car for your failure.

[Manta Obscura]

The First-Ever Discordian Whoroscope*

Horse
January 1-March 12

The prophet John the Baptist once said, "Shit, my head hurts. Does anyone have any Advil?" Likewise, be grateful for what you have while you still have it.

Goat
March 13-June 3

After a recent trip to the China Buffet, I opened my fortune cookie only to discover the message, "You're a good person and". And what? And I'll win a million dollars? And I'll come down with syphilis? And I'll find out that my wife is really my long-lost sister, and our children will end up incestuous mutants?

Ruminate upon life's mysteries today. And if you know the rest of the fortune, call me up and give me a clue.

Beetle
June 4-August 16

The philosopher Soren Kierkegaard once wrote, "People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use." Take his message to heart and shut the fuck up.

Buick
August 17-October 31

If you're making sugar cookies and the batter isn't sweet enough, adding one small package of vanilla pudding mix for every two-dozen yield batter concoctions will give your cookies the sweetness you desire.

Enchilada
November 1-December 31

The Buddha might have had perfect inner peace, but he was one fat sonofabitch with no real dating prospects. Convert to Hinduism for maximum deity sexiness.





*Believe at your own risk.

[Manta Obscura]

Cram's descriptions (introductory text and references have been edited from post):

Horse - Horses tend to be either introverts or extroverts depending on their mood. They are positive and cheerful, but there has been a time in their past when they were very upset.

Goat - Goats are known for loving their parents, having friends, and working a steady job. They often have a box of old unsorted photographs in their house.

Beetle - Beetles enjoy the finer things in life, and avoid things they dislike. Beetles are very kind and considerate people, but when somebody does something to break their trust, they feel deep-seated anger.

Buick - Those born under the Buick are sometimes insecure, especially with people they don't know very well. They are mostly shy and quiet, but when the mood strikes them, they can easily become the center of attention.

Enchilada - Enchiladas sometimes have problems with friends or relatives. Nearly all Enchiladas had an accident when they were a child involving water.