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Very Short Stories (3 sentences)

Started by Cramulus, December 15, 2008, 09:01:11 PM

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Cramulus

The point of this thread is to tell a complete story in three sentences or less. The shorter the better.

for inspiration, you might want to check out http://www.onesentence.org/stories/popular/










I returned home to find the damned dog waiting for me, tail wagging loyally, seemingly ignorant of the fact that he had been buried for three days. In time, I began to find the rotting undead dog a better companion than a dog which needs to be walked and fed each day. My priest, concerned, said that if you love something, set it free, but I'm shopping around for a better afterlife.



Cramulus

When the smoke cleared, I tried to check the coordinates on the time machine but it was too badly beer damaged. As if the situation wasn't sobering enough, I was out of cigarettes. There were two important questions: Is this the past or the future, and What was I going use to barter the keg back?

AFK

The day started off in a rather unfortunate manner when I discovered that the surveys I had requested to be returned unstaples, were indeed, stapled.  I began the monotonous task of removing the staples from the surveys, knowing it would take only one to fuck up my $10,000 scanner.  Alas, quitting time arrived and I had only completed 200 surveys, realizing that my next day of work was really going to suck. 
Cynicism is a blank check for failure.

Eve

I was surrounded by color--spinning, swirling bright lights, circles of pinks and greens and blues fading in and out of each other. Sticky red at my feet, where I'd been dancing in shards of broken glass, wood, plastic. Perhaps I shouldn't have tried to decorate the Christmas tree on shrooms.
Emotionally crippled narcissist.

Cramulus

I've never seen someone laughing hysterically and vomiting at the same time. But then again, I've never seen someone eat a cartoon character before. Derek wiped his mouth with the back of his hand, his eyes red and glassy, "Magically delicious."

Triple Zero

As Jack found the artifact, he wondered whether--"WHAT IN BEN'S NAME ARE YOU DOING WITH THAT DUCK?!!!". Crawling back into its intestinal tract and causing a mild diarrhea, he pondered the ramifications of his latest exploit. His real father would have understood the importance of fertilizer.
Ex-Soviet Bloc Sexual Attack Swede of Tomorrow™
e-prime disclaimer: let it seem fairly unclear I understand the apparent subjectivity of the above statements. maybe.

INFORMATION SO POWERFUL, YOU ACTUALLY NEED LESS.

Cramulus

Jack Chick knelt before the alien brass idol. "Was the last comic sufficient, master?" The reply, apparently negative, was a horrible flash of light which caused the aging cartoonist to twist on the floor in seizure.

Eve

SHIT. What the fuck?! You promised me that last Wiggles ticket, you cunt!
Emotionally crippled narcissist.

Cramulus

I always liked children. That is, until the operation.

Suu

Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."

Eve

Quote from: Suu on December 15, 2008, 10:05:11 PM
And then, they peed their pants.

Eh.. no offense, Suu, but it's not exactly telling a story. I mean, if there isn't at least a little bit of embellishment to it, what's the difference between "here's a story" and "here's a sentence"?
Emotionally crippled narcissist.

Cainad (dec.)

After taking another bite from my bagel, I asked the other one, "So this is mutual, right? You're not being forced into it?" She said it was a mutual agreement, and with that they were married. I cheerfully told them to fuck off, and suddenly realized that I had sealed a lesbian relationship between two non-lesbians.


^True story.

LMNO

The door closed, and he could hear the click of her heels as she walked away. 

A half-smoked cigarette smouldered in the ashtray, tracing the aircurrents kicked up by the lazily occilating ceiling fan. 

James bent over, put his face in his hands, and whimpered, "how was I supposed to know that was your sister?"

Cramulus


Suu

Quote from: Eve on December 15, 2008, 11:02:14 PM
Quote from: Suu on December 15, 2008, 10:05:11 PM
And then, they peed their pants.

Eh.. no offense, Suu, but it's not exactly telling a story. I mean, if there isn't at least a little bit of embellishment to it, what's the difference between "here's a story" and "here's a sentence"?

It's kind of an old joke between my brother and I. He once took a paper I was writing in high school, and put "and then, they peed their pants" at the beginning and the end of it. Complete with illustrations. Not only did I almost kill him, but he insisted that all great literature needs to contain it or at least end with it.

Besides, Cram did say 3 sentences or less:mrgreen:
Sovereign Episkopos-Princess Kaousuu; Esq., Battle Nun, Bene Gesserit.
Our Lady of Perpetual Confusion; 1st Church of Discordia

"Add a dab of lavender to milk, leave town with an orange, and pretend you're laughing at it."