Very Short Stories (3 sentences)

[Richter]

I saw.
I conquered.
I Came.

[AFK]

A man rolled up to the gate in his Lincoln Continental.  He lowered the driver's side window to hand me his credentials.  That is why I shat him in the face.   

[AFK]

A man rolled up to the gate in his Lincoln Continental.  He lowered the driver's side window to hand me his credentials.  That is when I shat him in the face with feces.   

[Cramulus]

to RWHN and Richter

[Jenne]

I saw.
I conquered.
I Came.

  that should be in the newsfeed.

[Richter]

   Thankya.

Also:

"It's dark.  I cannot hear you!  Come closer."
    -URI TV, "Kids of Confusion"

[AFK]

Morning has come and I must now begin the arduous task of digging out the driveway.  Hmm, I seem to have found something hard under the snow here.  Scruffy, No!!!!!!

[Jenne]

[Cramulus]

Blushing, wishing I was invisible, I nibble at the food in the doggy dish on the floor. Everyone's laughter fills my ears, but deep down, the most humiliating part is that I need this. I wonder what the other care bears would say if they could see me now.

[Cain]

Waiting for a text.  Need a caffeine fix bad.  Change of plans, how about this weekend?

[Eater of Clowns]

Something wasn't right, again, continuing the familiar pattern of discontent, searching, fulfillment, and disillusionment.  He wasn't sure what manner of disease to the soul came upon him during his most recent endeavors nor which event in particular sparked it.  What he did know, as he began his most recent desertion of familiarity, what he always knew is that he'd find the cure just beyond the horizon.

[Cain]

Waiting for a text.  Need a caffeine fix bad.  Change of plans, how about this weekend?

Very stripped down story.  Poor man's Hemmingway?  Need more coffee?

[LMNO]

He liked Vonnegut's writing style.  Yes.  He did.

[Richter]

The moment the noodles left my hands, I knew it was a mistake.  The die cast, no backing down was possible as they tumbled, I took to the table and delivered my adress with gusto.  
"HEY, DO I GO TO YOUR TEA PARTIES AND SLAP YOUR DISGUSTING GENTIALS OUT OF YOUR MOTHER'S MOUTH?"  
(partial cred to B. Clevinger.)

[Cramulus]

We would like to remind you that we have a diverse office, so be respectful of your fellow employees religious choices. Instead of wishing people a "Merry Christmas" you are instead encouraged to "HAIL SATAN". Thank you and have a happy HAIL SATAN.