Very Short Stories (3 sentences)

[chaotic neutral observer]

"Memento mori," she said sweetly, smiling as she pulled the trigger.

As the hideous monstrosity exploded, showering the guests with octopus guts and tentacles, I had a sobering thought.  "Next year it's my turn to host the dinner party; how will I ever top this?"

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

Now I will read a haiku.
"Man from Nantucket
does autofellatio.
Very long penis."

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

I came. I saw. I retreated.

[Al Qədic]

Peleus, Thetis.
You are wed.
Hey...what's with the apple?

[Al Qədic]

Graffiti

"Listen and Learn."
Spoke the nervous T.V.
Sat to dry in the cold, an outside philosophy.

[Al Qədic]

Two examples based on Malaysian trickster deity Pa Pandir (literally "Daddy Moron")

Man wants to catch birds, so he boils tree juice, and covers himself in homemade glue. Man catches birds, which stick to him and make him fly, making people think he is a spirit king. Local king wants his daughter to marry the sticky birdman, who is soon found out, and ran out of town.

Man challenges the king to a cock fight. Man wants good clothes, so he wears a suit of newspaper. Man is happy when his cock wins, but his clothes fly off and everyone laughs at his nakednes.

Seriously, this guy's section of my mythology textbook is just a bunch of humorous vignettes and I love it.

[Brother Mythos]

She cast her gaze in my direction with those wide, seductive eyes, and gave me her sultry, patented, come hither look. Throughly enthralled, I approached and gently kissed her succulent, offered lips. Then, she crossed her legs and broke my glasses.

[Prelate Diogenes Shandor]

I want to force ISIS and the Klan to be parts of the same human centipede. Extremists of different faiths will alternate in this construction. They will be forced to eat each other's shit.

[Brother Mythos]

A despondent young man left his home in search of enlightenment. After a long, perilous journey, the young man met a Discordian. The Discordian made fun of him.

[Brother Mythos]

Glittering bayonets fixed, the Royal Marines charged the Security Scanner Post at Baltimore/Washington International Airport. The patriotic, red-blooded American, citizen soldiers of the Continental Army held their ground, and turned away wave after wave of the imperialist invaders, until the "lobster backs," with heavy losses, gave up and slunk away to their wooden ships.  And, to this day, the Stars and Stripes flies proudly above Fort McHenry, except on nights went the illumination lights go out due to infrastructure problems with the power grid.

[TastyCle]

There once was a boy named Robin
who was legally blind.
He didn't hear the brain coming.
It hit him from behind.

[Brother Mythos]

The battle-weary officers of the Border Patrol wavered, as the vast, alien hordes broke through their weakened, defensive perimeter. Undeterred in the face of near certain death, a lone cadet, ignoring excruciating pain radiating from his bone spur afflicted feet, limped bravely to the forefront. And it was while rallying his completely non-xenophobic band of brothers forward to close the breach, that he uttered those unforgettable words, "Remember Bowling Green!"

[Doktor Howl]

The battle-weary officers of the Border Patrol wavered, as the vast, alien hordes broke through their weakened, defensive perimeter. Undeterred in the face of near certain death, a lone cadet, ignoring excruciating pain radiating from his bone spur afflicted feet, limped bravely to the forefront. And it was while rallying his completely non-xenophobic band of brothers forward to close the breach, that he uttered those unforgettable words, "Remember Bowling Green!"

[tyrannosaurus vex]

It was unseasonably warm on the streets that night, but it was the wrong kind of warm. The kind of warm that enhances every unpleasant smell but leaves the uncomfortable Winter chill in your bones. Or maybe, Brimhall mused, it just seemed that way because he was wrapped up in that other guy's carcass to get out if the sleet.

[Brother Mythos]

"For the life of me, and I'll never know how to explain it, when I met that young man, I felt like I was the one shaking hands with the president," then President Ronald W. Reagan said, after meeting future President Donald J. Trump. "A chill ran down my spine," the former president continued, "After all, people voted me into the highest office in the land for hosting Death Valley Days. Even with my Alzheimer's, I could easily imagine what all of those dumb-asses would do if a reality TV star ran for the Presidency of the United States."