Rant 43: What Have You Done for Eris? (Hah! Sucker!)

[Irreverend Hugh, KSC]

Rant 43
What have you done for Eris?
[Otherwise known as ‘Hah! Sucker!’]

“Do you seem to be a verb? Hah! Sucker!”
-Tequilarius Malignatus

“If all of us heretics could get ourselves to agree on something, we could finally start burning all these damned dogmatics.”
-The White Mouse

“ Your fear is like my compliment…”
-Mike Muir (from “Go’n Breakdown”)

“Who the hell you calling crazy? You wouldn’t know what crazy was if Charles Manson was eating fruit-loops on your front porch!”
-Mike Muir

Stop taking your-bobdamned-selves so seriously! (Or is it siriusly?) All your nattering about this, that, and/or the other is making me sick with its putrefaction! All this whining on about how we are full of discord and strife has really got to stop. Who told you that discord for it’s own sake was wrong? Or do you simply listen to what the Moron Majority tells you? You can have a little Discordia with your new age crystal yoga and cafe lattes…but let’s not talk to loudly or boldly or even have a little discord? Is that what some of you are getting at? Who are you to strap some sort of purpose on to the rest of us? You get bored or you tire easily of a little friction? A little strife? Christ! If that’s how you think, you best give up the whole mindfucking endeavor! Give up the whole yearning to be free. Have you ever seen the bitching and arguing and invective which Tibetan Buddhist adepts hurl upon each other in their quest for freedom? Or do you think that all they do is sit there and smile in the shade of some mountain all day? My friends, the quest to live out a free life is hard and full of strife. The point is not to try and hippy-zen it away as if it were a bad dream. The point (free for a limited time only) is to slide through all of it with ease. The strife, chaos, and discord all come with life. There is no escape, and Eris help you if you try.

The launching of the jihad was a manifest joke that had been brewing for weeks and now that you are caught in the storm, are you going to take it personally? Talk to Eris. It’s Her fault, if anyone’s. It has been an entertaining stormy jihad, to say the least. The most entertaining aspect has been the invective hurls thrown out by some of the internet Discordians. Those of you that have gone apeshit are really fun to watch. Keep up the good work and Goddess bless you for it! The whole jihad promises to be hoots all around for all involved in the fracas. Especially for people like us with our downright incessant sense of mirth and mischief. Hah, suckers! You can holler and stamp all you want! You can clamor for respect and deference all you want! Hell…you can even brush your teeth with sand, for all I care. But the simple question is…

What have you done for Eris?

Yeah, right! Whatever, sucker! What do you think this is? Some kind of religion where all you seriously-involved people gain special merit in the eyes of your deity? Hah! There is a sucker born every minute…You may as well start paying tithes, if that’s the way you’re going to approach the whole damned Discordian thing.

Would you give your life for Eris? Please! How stupid! Do you think that that kind of pretension even pulls at the smallest fiber of Eris’s heartstrings? To quote the often quoted PD, “Pfffft!” Go back and again read those drug-stained words written by ‘tripping-hippies-that-played-cut-up.’ This time maybe you’ll get the gist of the matter. What is the matter? Hah! You still ask that question?

You object to my tone? Am I bordering on being ‘disrepectful’? Hah! If you can’t tell Eris how to behave, how do you think you can tell her children how to behave? We revel in chaos without thought about morals, sanity, sympathy, sentiments, or even identity. Yet strangely we are more ethical, grounded, compassionate, sensitive, and have quite fluid identities because of it. As I may have mentioned before, I have been at this Discordian racket for some years now, and I have seen all sorts of attempts by the serious Holier-More-Erisian-than-thou Discordians to hijack the whole thing and make it something altogether un-eristic, un-erratic, un-erotic, and un-lightening. (Whatever the hell that means.)

Some people have gotten all caught up in arguing about destructive chaos verses creative chaos or vice versa, while never realizing the joke of the whole argument. Some have gotten caught up in arguing over the myth of freedom and how to correctly apply it, while never seeing the bottled air they’ve been buying for what it is. Some just don’t care. And there are others with other ideas, but let’s forget them for now. Hell…I am all of the above and more at some time or other. I understand, or at least I try to understand. But that doesn’t mean I won’t step on any toes nor break any eggshells with a gleam in my eyes and a smile on my face.

It can get annoyingly boring watching people get so hissy because their pre-fabbed Pure And Pristine Discordiansim ™ has sprouted all sorts of Damned Things (k) which don’t fit. If you are going to get hissy, at least be entertaining or funny! For bobsake, if I want to see lifeless complaining and whining, I’ll do it myself. (Eris knows I have.) Just because you may need the safety, comfort, and security of rules does not mean I should care about them. Do whatever you wish, and if it entertains you, fulfills you, or even floats your boat, even better. But stop being so bobdamned picky about others’ doings. Look up the word discord and the word eristic in your dictionary again. Stop pointing your shit-stained fingers at other people, blaming them for the foul smell.

Eris slaps hardest those who take themselves most seriously…and don’t think that being a Discordian, or whatever is the cool clich?© these days, is any special exemption. Repent, sinners! Hah! Suckers!

What did you think Discordia meant? Did you think it meant being part of some now special “I’m-better-than-the-herd-organization?” (Well, you are possibly right.) Hah! You are the herd. You have simply escaped from the pens that are holding the others in until the day of their slaughter. What are you going to do about that fact? Oh, great mindfucking free-thinker, think yourself immune from mindfucks? From strife? From discord? From confusion? From chaos?…simply because you claim to enjoy those things? Hah! Suckers! Remember Eris, after all.

What have you done for Eris? Liar! Blasphemer! Shut up! Do you think you need to validate your accomplishments in the Erisian Movement and struggle against DUMB and its aneristic supporters by blabbing all the time about them? I’ll roll an Apple of Discord into your banquet hall simply because you think that way, sucker! You are your own validation! You don’t need to be speaking all that crap about how you did this/that or how you are that/this Damned Thing as opposed to that other Damned Thing, unless it makes you laugh. Eris help you, if you feel otherwise!

Now…I’m going out to prank another Purple Monkey Mafia/Cabal member. But I ain’t bragging, nor am I bitching. And who cares? Hah! Sucker!

KALLISTI!

(Confusion 13th, 3170)
-St. Hugh, KSC and High Priest of Longwindedness.

[Trollax]

Dear Macgyver
Please save my Dog, Enclosed is a rubber band, a paper clip and a plastic bendy straw.
Sincerely Jesus H. Christ.

[Bella]

Hah! Told you it was a joke, people.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Hah! Told you it was a joke, people.

Or is she joking NOW?  

[Bella]

Hah! Told you it was a joke, people.

Or is she joking NOW?  

Shhh! Don't be ruining all my fun, now Roger.