The Lol of Five.

[Fuquad]

It's not easy being a freelance soothsayer in this day and age, let me tell you.The hours are nearly non-existent and the clientèle isn't what it used to be. On a busy day I have maybe 4 to 6 costumers. and they are most definitely not the heads of nations.

I'm not talking about your run of the mill Card Jockey here. Theres things out in the world the Tarot just wasn't designed to handle. You'd have to be a total card zero to think otherwise.And get the idea of talking to the dead out of your mind. A spirit has no idea what the future holds anymore than you or I and like anyone else personal motivations behind their actions.

I know some of you skeptics out there will ask why I don't use my abilities to win the lottery or get a big windfall or 2 on the Trifecta. And to be honest the thought has crossed my mind a few times. Thankfully I was able to dodge that bullet. what a terrible mess my life will become with any large amount of cash at my disposal.

It's days like these that I get pissed at my gift. I take it out on the clients. You have no idea the number of jakes I have pulled on these poor unsuspecting souls. A past client was nearly institutionalized continuously searching the sky for black helicopters. H was so convinced they were there he almost had me looking for them. He started spouting off about the New World Order and Lizard Creatures from another dimension.  Switched careers and wrote some books that sold pretty well if I remember correctly.

On other days I take pity on them. I tell them any day they see a woman wearing green walking a dog is a fortunate day for them and that they should take  an extra minute or 2 to enjoy the weather. Some have come back to tell me that they enjoyed an afternoon of sleet. stupid bastards.

but you. no, I won't pull any fast ones on you. Why would I tell you about my little...hobby if I was going to pull a fast one on you.


Now about this flight you're going to take. The pilot will be named Clark  and it should be a very safe trip...

[Fuquad]

Well this was a bomb.

I guess I should have stated that I was trying to offer this as a Fiction piece for issue Five of Intermittens.

one page fiction is hot.

Maybe with some pictures around the sides.

I hope "Epic Fail" get's better reception than this.

[Kai]

I read it, but I really didn't know what to make of it.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Same here.

Needs more point IMO.

[Richter]

As a psychics POV it works well.  It reminds me of how Jim Butcher writies his "Wizard for Hire" character, Harry Dresden.  Well exectued, but I'll go along with the groupthink and say go farther with it. 

[East Coast Hustle]

yeah, good way to introduce a character but it needs to go somewhere.

don't abandon it, though. it's got definite promise.

[Fuquad]

Yeah I just reread it.

I went right from beginning to end. Didn't put a middle in.

Thanks for the other support.

I've never heard of Jim Butcher before but I will keep a look out for his "Wizrd for Hire" books. I've always liked the "Private Dick" style of internal monologue and outward expression.

What Points about the law of five would you suggest I pursue.

Also I want to be a little vague with the story. I mean I want to tell one but I want the meaning to come from the reader and not the story itself, ala PKD. I think the piece would do better if it gave some examples about the law of five in the story and that it in and of it self served as one as well. is this guy psychic or is he a con artist?

And looking at the story yet again I can use some dialog between the customer and the psychic to add some information about the law of fives before sending the Client to his death in a fiery aircraft.

Thanks for the critique.

[hooplala]

I think linking paranoia with the Law of Fives was a good decision, perhaps expand on that?

[Richter]

I've never heard of Jim Butcher before but I will keep a look out for his "Wizrd for Hire" books. I've always liked the "Private Dick" style of internal monologue and outward expression.

You may like them then!
The first few weren't his best, but they're all pretty easy to jump into.  I'd recomend starting with "Death Masks", which is my personal favorite and still fairly early on, or "Grave Peril".  The first two "Storm Front", and "Fool Moon", aren't as good, but are worth reading for background if you decide you like the series.

Also:  Butcher writes the only "Paladin" type characters I've ever liked.

[Fuquad]

I think linking paranoia with the Law of Fives was a good decision, perhaps expand on that?

Show how it starts small and grows from there.

also changing it from Black helicopters to lizards. that way I can talk about that V series from the eighties that I love so much.

[hooplala]

 

Yes.

Besides, the black helicopters really are there, so there's not much to make fun of. 

[Sheered Völva]

I like the sound and feel of it. But maybe it could use more rewriting.

"The best writing is rewriting."

- E. B. White