Shit that bugs me

[Richter]

I'm going to say right up front that it seems I'm a bad person because I don't like having my quiet, mood, or safety disturbed by idiots.  I am fine with this.  Just let me know where I can bypass middle age and skip straight to grouchy old codgerhood.

Babies or kids at the office / retail place / fucking anywhere:  Yes, at some point I may end up with a kid and feel differently.  For the moment, every time I'm trying to get work done, pick up food, or buy a damn book, and am interrupted by some idiot child's caterwauling, my thoughts immediately go to unreasonable violence. 

People in my way:  Fuck you.  Move.  DRIVE.  Take your gonads OFF the rear view mirror, put the back where they belong, and operate your vehicle accordingly.  This is a fucking highways on ramp, and you're going to get us all killed. 
If you don't know HOW to use a self – checkout, DON'T.  Maybe if we labeled the places for people above a certain level of functionality, you'd get the hint.  NO, wait, you'd just whine about your deficiency.

Scrap booking:  Just die. 
Take up a hobby that makes a useful or pleasant result, not one that makes albums for torturing houseguests. 

The Riff – Raff:  If you act, smell, and bitch the right way, regardless of any other personal factors, I will view you as less than human.  You've got close to the right number of chromosomes, but if you're just not acting the part.  Or even fucking TRYING to act the part.  I don't see why you're worth the time. 
Oh, your cute little rude tricks?  They are a game that some might be able to play better.

Church + State:  Keep 'em apart, we've already seen what happens when the two get mixed, and how poorly people act when they thing the divine boogeyman is supporting their government's actions.  This was figured out over 207 years ago at the latest.  No, you can't have your Holy American Empire.

[Cramulus]

Rah!

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

And FWIW, I HAVE kids and it fucking drives me crazy when parents don't take their squalling brats outside. TAKE IT OUTSIDE. How else will it ever learn?

[Richter]

And FWIW, I HAVE kids and it fucking drives me crazy when parents don't take their squalling brats outside. TAKE IT OUTSIDE. How else will it ever learn?

Good parenting is kind of a rarity. 
Glad to know you're on a similar wavelength!

[CynicalCichilid]

My personal favorite example of bad parenting isn't that bad, but it pisses me off something chronic:

Parents who don't tell their flock of brats to walk single-file on the pavement so others can pass unhindered.

This is worse when the parent and their children are hideously overweight thereby increasing their ability to block the path.

I blew up once over this on my way to Church with my Mother (yes, I was going to wind them up). Some fat bitch with her fat children watched us walk up to her without saying a damn thing to the kids. All she could do was throw us an embarrassed facial expression. I blew up big time, I walked into the middle of the road and screamed something along the lines of:

"Don't mind me, I'll walk in the fucking road. I'm not getting in your way here am I you fat cow? How about controlling your fat fucking kids for a change so you can appear considerate?"

Regardless to say, my Mother was mortified and was rightfully worried about taking me to her church.

[Payne]

Those occasions are when I keep walking straight for them.

It's like chicken, except I always win due to low centre of gravity and momentum techniques developed by walking through the high street of Edinburgh in the peak of tourist season.

[Richter]

Those occasions are when I keep walking straight for them.

It's like chicken, except I always win due to low centre of gravity and momentum techniques developed by walking through the high street of Edinburgh in the peak of tourist season.

Useful technique that.  I once pulled it on a kid riding a bike. (He looked like he poomped his sadle.) 

[Jenne]

Those occasions are when I keep walking straight for them.

It's like chicken, except I always win due to low centre of gravity and momentum techniques developed by walking through the high street of Edinburgh in the peak of tourist season.

Exactly.  Just. Keep.  Walking.  My husband has this technique with the same concept when a cat sits right in his spot (or child, take your pick)--just keep sitting--they will either move or subject themselves to being sat upon.

Richter, well-played, sir...well-played.  I, too, am a parent that is more apt to yell and yank at my kids to behave or send them out (I no longer escort them, I make them LEAVE IN SHAEM!) if they can't shut the fuck up.  I have 2 boys, loud boys, and kids' screaming STILL bothers.  When my kids are being rude at the table out at a restaurant, I tell them that people didn't come there to hear them caterwauller but instead came to have a meal in peace.  That seems to give them pause for a while.

Oh the highway offramp thing CHAPS ME HIDE, it does.  We've banned cell phones and texting in CA from divers, but we haven't banned TEH ST00PID.

And OMIGAWD the self-checkout thing!  WHY WHY WHYYYYY do the idjits with a FULL cart or NO computer experience come up and use those?  They are for assholes LIKE ME who just want a quick soda and something-else-she-forgot-the-other-day and have 10 minutes to get it out the do'!

Lovely rant--inspires me to do one medamnedself.