101 things to say to children that will be greeted with silence

[Fuquad]

Number 18 is why I never have to eat McDonalds.


well one time she did buy me a lunch there because she really really really wanted the toy in the happy meal.

I think I would have gotten a total kick out of it and bragged immensely if my kid bought me lunch, even at McDonald's. Just sayin'.

Oh yeah.

It was a few months ago. And you have to understand she works for her allowance.

She has one chore she has to do no pay or anything she has to do this chore if she wants to do extra chores to make money. she often does extra chores just to have money in case she wants something special. she doesn't buy much so she's got quit the savings.

[rong]

23. You think loosing a tooth is disturbing? ha! wait till you start losing your baby fingers... They'll get loose and wiggly, and then just be hanging by a thread and then, when they fall off, you put them under your pillow just like with teeth, except you don't get a quarter.  You get a band-aid.  And you will be thankful for it!
...
what's that?  your parents didn't tell you anything about losing your fingers?
....
well, i bet they didn't warn you about the teeth until it started happening either, now, did they?  they just don't want to needlessly upset you. but i think you're old enough to know the truth.  Don't tell them i told you, though.  They would just deny it, anyways, and be mad at me for telling you....
i'm on your side kiddo!

(I've been waiting several years to use this one on my nephew.)

[Fuquad]

21. Last night, Darth Vader is came down from planet Vulcan and told me that if I didn't (whatever it is you are doing) that he'd melt my brain

Oh...My...God... for the reference alone!

-Suu
Often talks like Crispin Glover to freak people out.

My daughter hates Star Wars and Star Trek.

Though she knows who Darth Vader And That Spock is from Vulcan,

But she loves Doctor Who. My ex has woke up around 5:3o in the morning to find my daughter eating a bowl of oatmeal while watching Doctor Who.

Between seasons of Doctor Who she once told me " I wish there were other time travel stories"

she now likes the back to the future trilogy. and voyagers.

She knows exactly what I'm quoting when I say it.

[Suu]

How old is she?

[Fuquad]

six.
seven next month.

[mcjof]

decent syaing to get children to be quite

"your parents are dead"

[Fuquad]

decent syaing to get children to be quite

"your parents are dead"

I guess your definition of quite is lots of loud crying.

[Lazera the forgotten]

25: You're parents are getting a divorce.
26: The reason I can't (insert random childhood demand here) is simply because the quantum hyperbole of the centrifugal sarcophagus is the relative nature
     of the semi sonic Pythagorean.

[Rev. Asshat]

27. I have some candy with your name on it in my van.

[UncannyValleyGirl]

28. I have to send the pony back now. Too late.
29. No, no, of course you aren't adopted *shift eyes*.
30. ...your...parents...can't talk to you. For a while.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I hereby abandon this thread because too many people can't tell the difference between "will be greeted with silence" and "will be greeted with tears".

Upsetting children is EASY, you fucking retards.

[Cainad (dec.)]

I hereby abandon this thread because too many people can't tell the difference between "will be greeted with silence" and "will be greeted with tears".

Upsetting children is EASY, you fucking retards.

I noticed this. For chrissakes, children will sometimes go apeshit screaming upset over the most inane things when you aren't even TRYING to mess with them.

Bewildering and dumbfounding children is a different thing altogether.

[Messier Undertree]

Hurrr everyone stop making jokes in my seriously serious thread.

I thought they were pretty funny actually. I laughed IRL at Iptuous' first post ITT.

[Fuquad]

Hurrr everyone stop making jokes in my seriously serious thread.

I thought they were pretty funny actually. I laughed IRL at Iptuous' first post ITT.

More like "Since you are unable to post the types of jokes i asked for I am done with this"

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Hurrr everyone stop making jokes in my seriously serious thread.

I thought they were pretty funny actually. I laughed IRL at Iptuous' first post ITT.

More like "Since you are unable to post the types of jokes i asked for I am done with this"

This

Frankly, most of the "make kids cry" type jokes are both easy and stupid, and I was actually hoping for some clever/interesting additions, which a couple people did understand and deliver. But for the most part this thread is a failure.