A desperate plea for help to the Right Reverend Roger

[chaotic neutral observer]

I am lost on so many levels

Let me explain.

Even before he died, have you ever seen The Good Reverend Roger and Doktor Howl in the same room, or even appearing together in a picture that didn't seem suspiciously altered?  Don't you find the circumstances of the Good Reverend's death bizarre, to say the least?

The answer is simple.

Aliens.

Illegal aliens.

From the star Vega.

Why do you think Trump is so obsessed with his wall?  Don't you think $5.7 billion is a ridiculously large amount for some simple barrier?  Well, the truth is that it's a SPACE WALL.  Trump wants to protect America from an influx of Vegans, who will bring with them their bizarre lifestyle and culinary choices.  Can you imagine what might happen if too many of them got in?  It would devastate the already suffering beef and pork industries, and KFC might even go out of business.  Do you know how many Trump voters eat fried chicken?

Unfortunately for Trump, the SPACE WALL simply won't work, because, despite what they want you to believe, the Earth is actually round, and you can't just put a wall around the edges.

If you have any questions, dial "0" and ask for leniency.

[chaotic neutral observer]

I've got an itch behind my eye. I'm not sure if I should pop it out, clean it, and put it back in. I'm not sure it would help, I haven't ever seen anybody doing that.
Maybe they do it hidden.
Maybe their eyes don't itch.
Maybe their eyes do itch but they don't want to pop them out for some reason.

It feels like receiving a superposition of nobel prize and darwin award in a box that's ticking suspiciously.

And everyone's just fucking clapping.

It sounds like a software problem.  Have you tried rebooting?

[Doktor Howl]

Why did you suddenly decide to start using a name confusingly similar to that of an established Subgenius personality?

It's unrelated, but yes, very close.

I did this because as TGRR, I was not cartoon-ish enough to be a proper villain.

But you knew that.

[Hagtard Celine Dion Mustard]

Going by the rants I hear on Hour of Slack (which I always thoroughly enjoy and instantly know are yours when they begin), I would have thought that being the "Good" reverend had a certain amount of wonderful irony to it.

Anyway, like broken hearts, names are for assholes. And that, I know.