I had a GREAT idea for a book

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

God does not play dice with the universe, he plays a combination twister-strip poker-russian roulette.

[Triple Zero]

God does not play dice with the universe, he plays a combination twister-strip poker-russian roulette.

Swiss rules or 2007 Tournament based?

[Requia ☣]

Chess is overused as a metaphorical board game. There are a number of games that would serve as well as chess in terms of strategy yet are neither cliche nor a direct subversion (avoid checkers and connect four, but pentago and risk are much better than candyland).

Go, which I think Robert Jordan used (he called it stones iirc, it might also have been a generic game with no real rules that he made up).

One I've found particularly interesting lately would be werewolf (which consists of trying to figure out who the werewolf is before it kills everyone) was a great wakeup call to just how good someone I had dismissed as a wanna be valley girl really was.  I have no idea how you'd work it into a book though.

[Rococo Modem Basilisk]

Well, I think at least to some extent the idea of gods playing chess has to do with norse mythology, wherein before the beginning of midgard, the whole of asgard (or maybe it was valhallah?) was a big grassy field where the gods played a game with gold pieces. Little was said of the game, to my knowledge, other than the fact that it had gold pieces and was played in a grassy field.

[Cain]

Only a draft chapter, I'm going to work on it more (and of course, whatever else I write may drastically effect the content).


"It's getting dark, we should head back," Adrik suggested.  He stopped for a moment, to take a sip from his water-skin, then continued. "They'll have to halt the convoy at night in this godsforsaken terrain, anyway".

Kirill glared at him.  He should know better than to question the officer.  He though Adrik was right, but that wasn't the point.  Yuezhien officers didn't get on well with Rurik soldiers at the best of times, and this one was worse than most.  Just because they knew how to handle the terrain better, and it wounded his notoriously touchy Yuezhi military pride.  Arrogance, was more like it, Kirill thought, though he'd never say that within earshot of one of them.

Gansükh halted the company momentarily, for which the men were grateful.  Having marched nonstop through the wooded, hilly terrain, since morning, searching for invisible and possibly even absent enemies, their patience had been worn thin.  He turned to Adrik, and stared a moment longer than the Rurik scout felt comfortable with.  He bottled the water-skin and said hastily "but of course I will abide by what the honoured Officer decides.  I merely offer my advice and nothing more."

The Yuezhien sneered, then spoke in his rough, untutored Rurik "we keep moving.  No rest until we find the bandits.  Unless you want the Vizier to die?  Perhaps you paid to make sure he not come back, yes?"  And then he grinned, presumably to show he was not serious.  However, there was little humour in it, as far as Kirill could see.

The problems had started earlier, when the advance guard had not returned first thing in the morning.  Moving ahead cautiously, the scouts had discovered that a tree had been cut down in the road, blocking the route, and the advance guard were strewn about, all dead.  Well, almost all.  The officer leading them had not been found, and the rest of the bodies, though cut and bloodied, had been identified.  The bandits seemed to have hit them from the trees, with arrows, and pinned them in from behind, moving their men in close to finish off anyone unlucky enough to have not already succumbed to their deadly accuracy with the bow.

Presumably, the tree trunk had been meant to stop the Vizier's main convoy, and the ambush cut his men down and hold him hostage.  The trunk wouldn't stop men on foot, though given the size of the blasted tree, it was hardly a simple thing to dislodge.  But horses and carriages, and their baggage was another matter, and that was presumably the intended target.  They hadn't considered that the Rurik Army frequently made use of scouting forces, especially in [region], where the wood could cover all manner of foe, and the reach of civilised lands was constrained.  And that would make the careers of these bandits very short lived indeed.

Or so the captain had said, back at the camp.  Kirill wasn't so sure though.  The captain was young and keen.  Smart, certainly, but hadn't been in more than a couple of skirmishes as far as he could find out, and hadn't actually drawn blood in any of them.  Kirill, on the other hand, had fought in the southern foothills during the disastrous second Araquen invasion.  He knew banditry, because the generals were so incompetent some days it was the only way to survive, when your supply lines had been cut by yet another flanking manoeuvre that should have been anticipated.  And so, he thought like a bandit. 

The way he saw it was like this: the Vizier's own guard was a pretty formidable force on its own.  While a legion could cut through it, any lesser force, including the mercenaries of the Border Princes and whatever manner of bandit was occupying the north forest, would be sore pressed to halt its passing.  In a straight up fight, even if they had the jump on them, they'd be cut down, to a man.

So, instead, you split their forces up.  Get them chasing shadows, running around a wood they clearly know better.  And then they can either pick off the scouting forces one by one, or evade them all and spring a trap on the main target at a time of their choosing.  And how do you get them to do that?  Why, you announce your presence, of course, in a way designed to draw outrage and anger from among the men.  Angry men are seldom cold-blooded enough to notice the trap you are laying for them, and their haste makes them fall all that much faster.  And for such a cold country, the blood of Rurik ran very hot, at times.

Adrik watched Kirill with vague amusement.  He respected the older man, but he was too cautious, and sometimes too paranoid.  He had confided this theory to him, earlier in the day, and while it was semi-plausible, it showed a level of military coordination and skill bandits alone couldn't muster.  Outlaws and cowards, nothing more.  They took the advance by surprise, but now they were alert, and if they did run into them, it'd be the bandits who'd end up tasting Rurik iron.

Though on the other hand, the old man wasn't entirely wrong to be worried.  Adrik had felt strange too.  He'd lived in the west of the Khanate all his life, and knew how to hunt and trap in woods like these.  He'd even had a run in with a bear once, when he was barely come of age.  That had been embarrassing, having to climb a tree and call for help, all day long.  And occasionally, in the worst winters, wolves and other creatures would sometimes be sighted, searching for prey.  You heard stories about how they were driven to even attack men, they were so starved.  But, despite all that, he had never felt fear from being in the woods.  The close-knit trees and dampened sounds of such ground held no secrets from him. 

Yet, entering these woods, he had felt...unsettled.  It wasn't the mutilated bodies, that just made him angry, and besides, any fool could cut up and hack apart a corpse.  No, it had been before that.  A certain tension in the air, a feeling of hidden menace.  He found himself checking behind him more often than was strictly necessary, and sleeping light.  There was something in this wood to be worried about, but it wasn't bandits.

Gansükh looked around, impatiently.  This...guard duty, as he saw his current mission, bored him terribly.  As a third son of a great general, of a powerful clan, he felt such work was beneath him.  But it was more than that.  The Yuezhi method of war was not waged on foot.  From age ten he had been trained with the spear, the horse, and the bow.  That was how they fought, out in the open, making use of wide space and sudden speed to surprise an enemy.  He did not like being on foot, searching for cowards in the woods.  And they were cowards, there was no doubt of that.  Clever and cunning ones, but that would only make killing them all the more satisfying.

He also did not like these Rurik men.  They too, fought like cowards.  They skulked around this wood like thieves, their daggers ready to slip into an unsuspecting throat or belly.  And they looked at the Yuezhi darkly, whispering and plotting.  More than one Yuezhi had ended up dead, when serving with mostly Rurik men.  Especially if they were the officer in charge.  So he held then in contempt, but also watched carefully.

A sudden rustle broke the dead quiet of the woods.  All the men turned at once, then hastily drew weapons.  Then nothing.  Kirill had drawn his bow, and Adrik had a dirk to hand, with most of the other men also drawing short blades or bows.  Most menacingly, Gansükh had drawn his heavy scimitar, and was holding it ready to strike.  Seconds passed, and there was nothing.  Adrik was the first to lower his guard, cautiously.  "Maybe it was just a breeze" he offered.  The others looked at him, then relaxed.

Without warning, something bounded through the tree line and made straight for them.  Muttering a prayer to the Gods, Kirill drew back the arrow and fired.  It thudded, and a second later, the sounds stopped.  Moving in, using the trees as cover, Adrik closed on the source of the noise.  He grinned, then shouted back "well, dinner is sorted out for tonight, at least."  The others followed, and saw the deer, the arrow straight through its chest.  "That was one hell of a shot, Kirill", one of the men said.  Another laughed, then cautiously touched the body with his boot, to make sure it was dead.

As his boot made contact, the wood exploded into life.  Adrik saw the movement first, and ducked behind a tree, with Kirill dropping to the ground and scrambling to cover a second later.  Quick sounds filled the air, and the cries of men in pain followed.  Then silence, again.

Adrik shivered, and not from the cold.  They had been ambushed without him - or even Kirill - noticing a thing.  And now, at least half their company was dead, or dying.  His hand shook as he held his blade, thinking.  They had bows, and were likely spread out in the forest, to maximise their angles of fire.  But they couldn't be too far apart, or else they wouldn't be able to coordinate their shots.  If he could find one, without being seen...he might take two or even three down before an arrow took him in the chest.  He needed to find Kirill.

He breathed deeply, and positioned himself low, among the bushes.  As he prepared to round the tree, and see the carnage in front of him, a shadow moved through the woods.  He looked, it wasn't moving like any of the men in the company.  Too confident and too easily seen.  He held the blade, preparing to drive it into his stomach as he passed.  At least one of these bandits would die tonight, he thought grimly.  The shadow passed beside him, and he turned, striking low and hard.

The blade was knocked out of his hands and a savage kick to the legs left him on the floor.  He screamed in pain, it felt like the knee was broken.  And then the scream was cut off, mid-stream.

Gansükh and Kirill looked at each other.  The cry of pain sounded inhuman, but so far the bandits had not made a sound.  After the attack, he had found the Yuezhi, trying to move through the woods towards where the shots were fired, and likely walking into an ambush.  Instead, he had grabbed him, and nearly dragged him, in order to make their way back to the main convoy.  But he had got turned around in the fight, and they had found themselves in the nearby vale.  With the valley wall to their front, and enemies to their back, they had nowhere left to run.  Kirill then glared at Gansükh.  "Sheath that bloody sword, now!" he urged him.  He gave the older man a look, then complied.  Here, they could keep hidden among the brush, but any reflection or glare could give them away.  And given how dark it was getting, the possibility of torches couldn't be ruled out.

Hugging close to the ground, Kirill waited.  There was nothing else they could do, outnumbered as they were.  Twilight deepened, and the moon rose, like a sickle in the sky.  Kirill was not grateful for the light.

He found himself shaking, unexpectedly.  Not due to the cold either.  Rising up slightly, he peered through the bushes.  There were glimmers of light, dancing in the distance.  Torches, almost certainly, and coming this way.  He sunk down low again, and explained with hand signals to the Yuezhi, that their hunters seemed to be closing in, and to keep as low and quiet as possible.  He nodded his understanding.

The leaves rustled, and Kirill caught the movement.  Close, far too close.  The men made nearly no sound, only occasionally brushing against leaves and shrubs, and then vanished behind the trees.  Gone?  He hoped so.  Sweat trickled down his face, stinging his eyes.

Then they slipped back, the shadowy figures with torches held out in front of them.  They were nearly on top of him!  He tensed, ready for whatever may come, when abruptly, Gansükh beside him jumped out of their hiding place, scimitar already half drawn.  A slash took the first man down, and the second threw the torch at the Yuezhi's face, hoping to buy time to draw his blade.  He deflected the makeshift missile with a sweep of the sword, then attempted to close in, when he staggered, then suddenly fell.  The remaining man, having finally drawn his weapon, walked up to the moaning, now prone figure and kicked him over.  Kirill then saw what had dropped him, an arrow to the throat.  It had pierced his neck, and blood was now soiling the forest floor.  The man drew his sword high, then thrust it through his chest.  He spasmed, then was still.

Kirill cursed, silently.  The man with the torch and the sword then called, and two other shadows emerged from the trees, both with bows.  He was trapped, but with any luck, they would not even realize he was there, get bored of their hunt and soon leave.  He could then get back to the Vizier, warn him, maybe even convince him to send runners up the East Road and obtain help, either from mercenary companies on their way to the Border Princes, or even from the Araquen, as painful as that would be.

However, such thoughts ended as a hand thrust through the cover of the bushes and grabbed by the back of the neck.  He barely pulled himself up right as he was dragged out, a sword at his throat.  The man called to the others "what should we do with this one?"  The voice spoke in Araquen, which surprised Kirill.  He assumed the bandits would be a motley crew from the Border Princes, mercenaries who had lost one too many times or upset a powerful lord and were driven out.  But perhaps it was not so surprising, winter had been especially hard this year, and banditry was a good a career as any, when the fields were frozen and the supplies running down.

One of the two men with the bows hesitated, then repeated the question to someone else, further back in the trees.  A reply came which the Rurik scout didn't catch, and then the man nodded.  The man beside him suddenly stepped away and he barely had time to register the movement before an arrow flew into his torso, followed by another into the shoulder blade.  He fell, feeling numb.

The man with the torch waited a while, as the scout twitched, then he knelt down and slit his throat.  "When he's bled out, take him with the others, about three miles up the road.  Flay them, then crucify them.  Leave the torches, in case the Vizier risks travelling at night.  I want him to see this."  He nodded, then let the man go, before calling one of the bowmen to help him with the body.  It was going to be another long night.

[Requia ☣]

You have too many made up words, that are painfully nonsensical since they aren't explained either (though that might be you parodying bad fantasy I guess).

[Triple Zero]

somewhere I read that you're only allowed to make up 2 or 3 new words per book. per decree of the hyper council of future literacy and pention plans inc.

and cain I will read your draft soon, when I find the time for it

[Cain]

You have too many made up words, that are painfully nonsensical since they aren't explained either (though that might be you parodying bad fantasy I guess).

Only words made up are Kingdom/nationalities.  The rest all really exist.

[Cain]

There.  Replaced my "painfully nonsensical" words with their better known equivalents.

That'll teach me to bother doing any research again.  Personally, I thought it was "painfully obvious" that there was more than something a bit Mongol about one of the culture's I had described, and so I used loan words from those there, because if I hate anything more than the outlined stock fantasy plot then its fantasy's obsession with High Medieval Western Europe.  Weapons, unit names and ranks taken from The Secret History of The Mongols and the administrative structure of the Golden Horde.

But apparently not wanting to tread down the tired route of "lets all have lords and ladies and simpering knights and cultural references I can understand" is bad fantasy.

.

[LMNO]

Where is draft chapter?

I haven't seen either version, but I'm guessing I'd prefer the un-revised one. 

[Cain]

Too late, it was revised.  I also changed the final paragraphs, which is why I removed it while I was working on them.  I decided anyone stupid enough to get into a sword fight when they had archers to hand is too stupid to run a guerrilla war, and so changed it accordingly.

[LMNO]

Well, I liked it, as a draft chapter.  It has a good feel.

I also must say I was amused that the three most well-described characters all die abruptly.

[Cain]

Yeah, I'm taking a leaf out of George R R Martin's book.  Rape and mutiliation and death for everyone!  Plot armour will not save you.

That said, I actually want to flesh them out more, and make some of the cultural allusions a bit more subtle.  I really don't want to start infodropping, just to show off I did some work on the background.

[LMNO]

I kind of figured you were just giving a taste of the story, and would stretch it out over more pages, rather than front-load the story with exposition.


I'm also looking forward to watching you exploit all the things we've learned on TVtropes.

[Cain]

I did mention the inspiration from this came from overloading on TV Tropes one day, right?  I think it was reading the Complete Monster, What the Hell Hero? and Designated Hero categories, one after the other.