Save Our Kids

[hunter s.durden]

Here is the last time I ranted, for those of you seeking some toxicity. It was written hastily but I believe my point got across.
It was written in October '08 if you want a frame of reference. The quote at the end is from Tool, I forgot to give credit. Sure, I could change that right now, but I feel it would take away from the hurried, unedited sentimentality of my writing.
Here ya go:

SAVE OUR KIDS
About a year or so ago, there was a hubbub made over a series of Clearasil commercials. The commercials featured young men and women acting sexually provocative after using the product because of their new-found confidence in their appearances. I'm not sure if was Clearasil's specific commercials that were the focus or the example, as Axe, Herbal Essence, CK, and all kinds of other companies that rely on sex for a sell used similar marketing campaigns. It seemed to simply be a fix for our overly conservative media culture during a media drought. Heading the pack on my radar was notorious closet sex fiend, Bill "loofah?" O'Reilly. The complaint here seemed to be that these commercials were being played during peak programming hours, and thus "forcing" people to explain to their children what's going down on the screen. "Mommy, why is that boy winking at his teacher."

Bullshit. I immediately smelled the rank hypocrisy boiling from the mouths of the bastards who have been sent to tell me what to think. These liars, these misinformation peddlers, these fear guided, ass backward fucks had once again taken it upon themselves to tell me how I should conduct my life, with no consideration for my beliefs, my family, my fears. How do I come to this conclusion? Simple: I don't fear sex. I don't fear letting my (hypothetical) kids knowing what happens in the hearts, minds, and bodies of the adolescent, teen-age, or fully matured humans. I don't fear the tough questions that I would prefer be asked of me and not learned elsewhere. No regard is given to my fears and concerns only those of the voices on TV.

There is a credit card commercial running that I find completely offensive. I am afraid that the youth will see it and be corrupted. I would pull this commercial faster than you could say "sex talk." In this commercial, there is some sort of business lunch between some Americans and some Asians. The American man pays for his lunch with a credit card that has a picture of some generic super hero on it. The Asians talk amongst themselves, laugh, and walk away. Then the American woman says, "let me get this," and puts down her golden [God], professional looking credit card. I guess that young fella has something to learn about business. Time to grow up.

I would be less offended if a man in black face, wearing a Nazi uniform, raped a blind orphan with muscular dystrophy.

This commercial "forces" me to to have the following talk after my 8 year old asks why Asians hate superheroes(thus cementing his racist future): "Well, Vegeta, the thing is, once you get to the ripe old age of 14 or so, superheroes are seen as childish. It's not just superheroes, though. Non-approved musics, videogames, individuality, fiction, self-expression, happiness, free-thought, stuffed animals. Hell, pretty much all toys. By the time you're in college you're expected to call your mini-van and word processing programs "toys". If you have any interest in things that are outside of the acceptable, you will be ridiculed and written off. Honestly, you may as well not even bother developing a personality. One will be given to you after your first tour in college."

I fear conformity for the sake of conformity. I fear the unimaginitive. I fear the banal and the boring. Where is the media now? Why isn't Bill "yeah, it's called a loofah" looking out for me? The future is being poisoned by these immoral bastards, lets do something!

No help for me... My concerns aren't important. They aren't valid. These are the ranting of the childish. Please. Look at how "grown-ups" have driven this planet, and this country right into the fucking ground. Give me the superhero guy, keep your precious "maturity."

"I'm praying for rain, I'm praying for tidal waves..."

[Thurnez Isa]

I would be less offended if a man in black face, wearing a Nazi uniform, raped a blind orphan with muscular dystrophy.

I haven't read the rant, but just skimmed
though this line is making me giggle uncontrollably and I have to go print an essay at the PUBLIC library\
Thanks a lot, bastard

[The Good Reverend Roger]

Welcome back, you Glorious Faggot!

[Jenne]

Niiice.  , not (just) because I've missed you, but I think this was pretty fucking right on.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

  This was fucking excellent, and horrifyingly spot-on. Also why I stopped watching TV.

[Template]

I remember those bullshit ads.  Well-written rant.

[LMNO]

Fuck you, Hunter.

You nailed it.  "Daddy, why is having fun bad?"

[AFK]

This was out of the park Hunter. 

[Bebek Sincap Ratatosk]

Goddamnit, what the fuck is this shit clogging up the forum?!

Oh... it's HUNTER!!!


Hey you old reprobate, that was a fan-fucking-tastic rant. 100% TROOFINESS

[Dysfunctional Cunt]

That was pure awesomeness!!!


Great to see you!!

[P3nT4gR4m]

Damn I've missed this mofo.

I'm now going to run outside and have throbbing ghey buttsecks with the first man I see, in Hunter's honour.

[hunter s.durden]

Thanks all. It's a shame that all of my rants and writings are inspired by advertisement, but I'm becoming comfortable with it. I have a new TV obsessed girlfriend, and it's giving me tons of things to be mad at.

Also: Who the shit is K-Bitch?

[Cainad (dec.)]

Khara.
Also, this is a pretty sweet rant. I remember that damned credit card commercial.

[Cramulus]

No help for me... My concerns aren't important. They aren't valid. These are the ranting of the childish. Please. Look at how "grown-ups" have driven this planet, and this country right into the fucking ground. Give me the superhero guy, keep your precious "maturity."

It makes me sick, ya know? That the most boring people in the world are the norms.

It's not just the "safety" of being like everybody else, it's the xenophobic rage towards anything outside of the status quo.

It's The Machine's clockwork, tick tick tick: every time a politician has an original idea, they demonize him. Any time something actually FUN is discovered, it gets subverted by marketing hotshots. What the fuck is COOL anymore? It's this manufactured image. Shouldn't it be something we can relate to? Something other than rock stars in sunglasses? Something that doesn't have its own product line? I mean, I think that raving derelict at the park is cool, why can't I be like him? 

What tears me up the most is that our culture, which used to be kind of organic, is now being DETERMINED from the top down by the forked tongue of marketing and media. Rather than culture growing naturally from the bottom up, every movement, every style, every fad is calculated for maximum sales potential. It grosses me out.

And in my neighborhood, I find my posters being torn down even though they're funny and awesome. Why? Because they don't belong there. The message is: Art doesn't go on telephone poles, it goes in museums, prole.

Kalle Lasn, in the book Culture Jam, talks about how he regularly tries to buy TV spots for his Buy Nothing Day, and No TV Week projects. But they flat out won't sell him airtime because he's not selling a product, and they sense his message could damage their engine. He talks about how earlier in his career, he was just trying to get his short films put on TV, and they could have fit in a commercial slot, so why shouldn't he be allowed to buy a slot and show his reel like anyone else? I mean, if they aired youtube videos inbetween commercials, I might actually not Mute the commercials, you know? But nope - the status quo is not determined by real human beings like you and me. It's determined by bureaucracy.

Fuck that noise!
I'm starting a kingdom in my living room


edited for clarity because I wrote this post then had to sprint to a train before I reread it

[Faithless]

I agree with you, individuality is swiftly becoming a sin. As for the ads on TV, I tell my kids that Hollywood is actually run by a group of monkeys with sledgehammers.