The Fat Eris Cook book

[LMNO]

You can promote a "TFY,S" attitude by listing in the front that some of these recipes are horribly wrong, and no one should try making them until the decipher the code.

Or

Intentionally shuffle the pages, so the Pork Shoulder marinade is put into the brownie mix recipe.

[Cramulus]

what about misleading titles? Like it's a recipe for apple pie, and the ingredients could appear like apple pie, but the instructions actually tell you how to make an apple fritter or something?

or fantastical recipes - like you're actually making pork shoulder, but you present it as unicorn meat. A sidebar contains some unicorn jokes, and suggestions for how to explain to you guests how you acquired this fantastic meat.

also:
Bigfoot steak
chupacabra tacos
fried fnordlings

[Richter]

"Long Pork", as the prefered pork shoulder ingredient, with pork or orangutang as acceptible substitutions.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

I made a really good whiskey cake last night, and Sir Talksalot made butterscotch, and we served it with ice cream. It was fucking unbelievable.

Should I post the recipe here or do you want to start a separate thread that's just for submitting recipes?

As far as I know this is an unpublished recipe, because I made it up.

[Triple Zero]

i think we should go easy on the "obviously wrong" recipes. from my background in computer sciences and some teaching, i know that some people are just really really bad at certain things and will try anything presented as "good advice". since 95% of all good advice is actually intended as good advice, I don't think we should punish them for it.

Just like I wouldnt tell people they can make their computer run faster by doing "DELTREE /Y", I wouldnt make a cookbook that creates intentional failcake by leaving out the sugar.

At least, not without malicious intent. If we target this book at fucking with people, sure.

But some Discordian picking up this book, while not really into cooking, decides to try a recipe cause the instructions are so zany, ends up with failcake, might give up cooking FOREVER.

btw we should have a recipe for failcake.

and also roflcake.

[Richter]

That's a valid concern, a recipe boobytrapped with a mistake that "only an idiot would make", will net us the same result as ANYTHING labeled "Idiot proof".  Life, in both cases, will oblige with a better idiot.

Also:

Delicious Trap Pie.

1 apple, chopped
2 pre - made pastry pie crusts
1 can pre - made pecan pie filling
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 tablespoon apple cider vinegar
1/4 tablespoon flour

Fill pie crust with pecan pie mix.  Mix apples, sugar, vinegar and flour, pour over the pecan filling evenly, so no pecans show. 
Cover pie with a latice pattern of pastry. (Cut as needed from the extra crust)
Bake until apples are tender and pie rust is golden brown.
When your victim, who you are gracing with pie, expresses surprise, tell him it was a delicious trap.  When your mark doesn't get it, explain that they found nuts where he didn't expect there to be any. 
If they STILL don't get it, leave them to their pie, and hope to Eris you'll be there to see their face when they get it.


Delicious Inverse trap pie

4-5 apples, chopped
1 pre - made pastry pie crust
1 cup sugar
1-2 tablespoons flour (more for juicier apples)
1 Tablespoon apple cider vinegar (extra to taste)
Whole, shelled pecans as needed.

Mix all ingedients, and fill in crust.  Top with pecans so no apples are visible.  Bake until apples are tender (poke carefully between the pecans with a skewer.), and crust is golden brown.
Serve to your mark, and improv your own euphamism.  I'm too lazy to think up one for this.

[fomenter]

i think we should go easy on the "obviously wrong" recipes. from my background in computer sciences and some teaching, i know that some people are just really really bad at certain things and will try anything presented as "good advice". since 95% of all good advice is actually intended as good advice, I don't think we should punish them for it.

Just like I wouldnt tell people they can make their computer run faster by doing "DELTREE /Y", I wouldnt make a cookbook that creates intentional failcake by leaving out the sugar.

At least, not without malicious intent. If we target this book at fucking with people, sure.

But some Discordian picking up this book, while not really into cooking, decides to try a recipe cause the instructions are so zany, ends up with failcake, might give up cooking FOREVER.

btw we should have a recipe for failcake.

and also roflcake.

note to self - posting ammonia and bleach mixture on Martha Stewart site, as an ideal cleaning solution may be immoral or at least a bad thing to do..

[BADGE OF HONOR]

This reminds me of Penn & Teller's How To Play With Your Food.  Pity it's out of print.   

[Richter]

I for one, love this.

I do have some recipes that are my own that I will contribute if you want them.


If you want some stuff, let me know and I'll type it up for you.

I made a really good whiskey cake last night, and Sir Talksalot made butterscotch, and we served it with ice cream. It was fucking unbelievable.

Should I post the recipe here or do you want to start a separate thread that's just for submitting recipes?

As far as I know this is an unpublished recipe, because I made it up.

YES.  VERY YES. 
Since we still seem to be breaking into brainstorming, feel free to dump them here.  Like suggested, if it has some Lore, Legend, or Vignette associated, feel free to add!

LMNO:  I'm going to have to look harder on the "Beer hunting"

[Pariah]

Okay so a mix of mindfuck and actual recipes.
I can do that.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

The story behind my whiskey cake is that my friend Casey once was having an Alcoholic Party where everything had to contain significant alcohol. The first Whiskey Cake was a bastardized chocolate cake recipe with chocolate chips added, and the chocolate version is an easy alternate but the clear winner so far is the Ginger Whiskey Lemon Drop version:

Preheat oven to 375. Grease one 9x13 baking pan.

Beat together:
1 cup sugar
1/2 cup plain yogurt
1 tsp lemon zest
1 tsp grated ginger
juice from one lemon
1/2 cup whiskey
1 tsp vanilla


In another bowl, beat until soft:
1 cube (1/2 cup) butter
add gradually:
1 cup sugar
cream together until light, then add:
2 eggs

Combine yogurt mixture and butter mixture and beat.

In yet another bowl, combine:
2 cups cake or all-purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/2 tsp salt

Add dry ingredients to wet ingredients and beat well. Bake 40 minutes. Remove from oven and while still hot, drizzle:
1 cup whiskey
evenly over entire cake. Let cool.

Serve with ice cream and cream-cheese glaze or butterscotch.

Simple butterscotch recipe:
1 pint heavy cream
1 cube (1/2 cup) salted butter
1 cup brown sugar
pinch of salt

Combine cream and butter in a small saucepan and warm over low heat. when the butter melts, whisk gently until the cream and butter are well-emulsified. Gradually add the sugar, stirring continuously. When the sugar is completely melted, add a pinch of salt. Continue to heat for a minute or two, then let cool slightly and serve just a little warm over ice cream.

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

Cream-cheese whiskey glaze:

1 cube of cream cheese
1 stick butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup whiskey

Beat together, pour on cake, yum!

[Pariah]

Added

[Jenne]

Cream-cheese whiskey glaze:

1 cube of cream cheese
1 stick butter
1 cup powdered sugar
1/2 cup whiskey

Beat together, pour on cake, yum!

Holy Yoinkage, Batman!

[Jasper]

I think the recipe book should include "recipes" for things that aren't food.

For the "Boom" section, there ought to be a DIY pyrotechnics entry for example.

Like a recipe to make green explosions using barium carbonate.