So I wrote this short story...

[Darth Cupcake]

No, I left off the "liminal" to bring the focus to the "-space.doc". 

Ooohhhh, okay. I thought it was coming up wonky.

OH HAI I AM DCUP SANS SUFFICIENT CAFFEINE

...

...AHAHA OKAY I GET IT NOW. Oh my.

[Cain]

I saw the space.doc bit and laffed too.

I only knew the more recent meaning of the term, though.

[Arafelis]

Well written.  No editorial suggestions in that regard.  I enjoyed the style (I've been known to abuse footnotes as well, although I haven't written anything longer than two pages in over a year).

The Aaron character seems a bit unbelievable, because he doesn't seem to express any significant faults; however, you don't really have room or cause to develop any over the course of the story.  I mention it because it limits my emotional interaction with the main character.  In a Discordian sense, she's got -ORDER and +CHAOS to choose from, and so there's very little real conflict to resolve.

Is this a chapter?  It stands alone, but it also reads like a part of a longer story.

[Darth Cupcake]

Well written.  No editorial suggestions in that regard.  I enjoyed the style (I've been known to abuse footnotes as well, although I haven't written anything longer than two pages in over a year).

Thanks! My style shifts a bit from story to story as I try to keep the style as part of the story's "personality," and this was a bit experimental for me.

The Aaron character seems a bit unbelievable, because he doesn't seem to express any significant faults; however, you don't really have room or cause to develop any over the course of the story.  I mention it because it limits my emotional interaction with the main character.  In a Discordian sense, she's got -ORDER and +CHAOS to choose from, and so there's very little real conflict to resolve.

Interesting. He was intended to be quite an aloof, kind of assholeish character who is appealing to the main character only in the sense that he is the antithesis of her boyfriend/fiance and is very novel, not because he actually has any particularly redeeming personality traits. The idea was that at the end of the story, she's the one who achieves the balance of order and chaos in herself--Aaron is too far to the chaos extreme, such that he can really only function in his own weird world, and David is too far to the other extreme, such that he is completely inflexible and defined by his, well, definitions.

So I will work on making Aaron a bit more... well, Aaron-ish. I very much dislike faultless characters, so thanks for that!

Is this a chapter?  It stands alone, but it also reads like a part of a longer story.

It's not intended to be. I write too many long things, so I'm trying to dabble in doing individual, stand alone stories for a change.

[Arafelis]

He was intended to be quite an aloof, kind of assholeish character who is appealing to the main character only in the sense that he is the antithesis of her boyfriend/fiance and is very novel, not because he actually has any particularly redeeming personality traits.

I should probably clarify: He does come across as an asshole, but in the context of the story, that seems to be a virtue.  If you wanted to draw something of a contrast between the sympathetic virtues of the two characters, you could try to work in a 'puppy moment.'  That is, put each of the male characters in the position of being respectful or cruel to someone who has no power over them -- like a restaurant server, mall cop, even a literal puppy.  It might have to bend the character slightly to make the point in a couple of lines, but such is the short story.

The idea was that at the end of the story, she's the one who achieves the balance of order and chaos in herself--Aaron is too far to the chaos extreme, such that he can really only function in his own weird world, and David is too far to the other extreme, such that he is completely inflexible and defined by his, well, definitions.

I did get the sense she concludes the story as an independent person; you've got that nice bit where she pities Aaron for his academia.  However, I still get the sense that she ends up most aligned with his point of view.  You could perhaps conclude her contemplation of the ring with putting it in an envelope and dropping it in a mail slot back to David, which keeps the same connotation (dropping, letting go) but symbolizes a consideration for others' feelings.  Or something to that effect.

[Penumbral]

I agree with Arafelis it is well written, and keeps good structure.

I quite liked the footnotes, and I think they added to the story. However seeing as how it is written in third person you could just add all the valuable quips into the story proper without compromising the integrity of flow.

As for the story itself I feel like a lot of emotion and reasoning is missing. I guess I just feel like I don't understand well enough what all off the characters are thinking or how they work.

I don't think of the Aaron character as good or at all "better" than the other characters. To take someone out like that and agree to meet them again (after the first encounter) then hear about the trouble with the fiance then fuck the girl without further word. It seems he is doing little to intentionally liberate the person and could just as easily made life much worse for the girl.

Thanks for the good read.

[The Good Reverend Roger]

I agree with Arafelis