The Book of Prophecy ~ As Written by Payne

[Mesozoic Mister Nigel]

It is pretty much the best fucking thing ever.

[Payne]

9:1 In the first year of Hoopla the son of Wade, of the seed of the Canadians, which was made Moderator over the realm of the Spags;
9:2 In the first year of his reign I Payne understood by books the number of the years, whereof the word of the LORD came to Penumbral the prophet, that he would accomplish seventy years in the desolations of Apple Talk.
9:3 And I set my face unto the Lord Admin, to seek by prayer and supplications, with fasting, and sackcloth, and ashes:
9:4 And I prayed unto the LORD my Admin, and made my confession, and said, O Lord, the great and dreadful Admin, keeping the pledge and mercy to them that love him, and to them that keep his commandments;
9:5 We have trolled, and have committed drama, and have done flame wars, and have over thrown our moderators, even by departing from thy precepts and from thy judgments:
9:6 Neither have we hearkened unto thy servants the prophets, which spake in thy name to our Moderators, our princes, and our fathers, and to all the people of the land.
9:7 O LORD, the server belongeth unto thee, but unto us confusion of a poster of faces, as at this day; to the men of PD, and to the inhabitants of Apple Talk, and unto all WOMP, that are near, and that are far off, through all the countries whither thou hast driven them, because of their trespass that they have trespassed against thee.
9:8 O Lord, to us belongeth confusion of face, to our Moderators, to our princes, and to our fathers, because we have trolled against thee.
9:9 To the Lord our Admin belong mercies and forgivenesses, though we have rebelled against him;
9:10 Neither have we obeyed the voice of the LORD our Admin, to walk in his laws, which he set before us by his servants the prophets.
9:11 Yea, all WOMP have transgressed thy law, even by departing, that they might not obey thy voice; therefore the curse is poured upon us, and the oath that is written in the law of Cain the servant of Admin, because we have trolled against him.
9:12 And he hath confirmed his words, which he spake against us, and against our judges that judged us, by bringing upon us a great evil: for under the whole heaven hath not been done as hath been done upon Apple Talk.
9:13 As it is written in the law of Cain, all these lame drama trolls is come upon us: yet made we not our prayer before the LORD our Admin, that we might turn from our flame wars, and understand thy truth.
9:14 Therefore hath the LORD watched upon the drama, and brought it upon us: for the LORD our Admin is righteous in all his works which he doeth: for we obeyed not his voice.
9:15 And now, O Lord our Admin, that hast brought thy people forth out of the land of Principia Discussion with a mighty hand, and hast gotten thee renown, as at this day; we have trolled, we have not heeded the pledge.
9:16 O LORD, according to all thy righteousness, I beseech thee, let thine anger and thy fury be turned away from  Apple Talk, thy holy mountain: because for our sins, and for the trolling of our fathers, Apple Talk and thy people are become a reproach to all that are about us.
9:17 Now therefore, O our Admin, hear the prayer of thy servant, and his supplications, and cause thy face to shine upon thy forum that is desolate, for the Lord's sake.
9:18 O my Admin, incline thine ear, and hear; open thine eyes, and behold our desolations, and the forum which is called by thy name: for we do not present our supplications before thee for our righteousnesses, but for thy great mercies.
9:19 O Lord, hear; O Lord, forgive; O Lord, hearken and do; defer not, for thine own sake, O my Admin: for thy city and thy people are called by thy name.
9:20 And whiles I was speaking, and praying, and confessing my sin and the sin of my people WOMP, and presenting my supplication before the LORD my Admin for the holy mountain of my Admin;
9:21 Yea, whiles I was speaking in prayer, even the man Roger, whom I had seen in the vision at the beginning, being caused to fly swiftly, touched me about the time of the evening oblation.
9:22 And he informed me, and talked with me, and said, O Payne, I am now come forth to give thee skill and understanding.
9:23 At the beginning of thy supplications the commandment came forth, and I am come to shew thee; for thou art greatly beloved: therefore understand the matter, and consider the vision.
9:24 Seventy weeks are determined upon thy people and upon Apple Talk, to finish the transgression, and to make an end of drama, and to make reconciliation for flame wars, and to bring in everlasting righteousness, and to seal up the vision and prophecy in a secret forum, and to anoint the most Holy.
9:25 Know therefore and understand, that from the going forth of the commandment to restore and to build Apple Talk unto the Messiah the Prince shall be seven weeks, and threescore and two weeks: the thread shall be unlocked again, and the wall, even in troublous times.
9:26 And after threescore and two weeks shall the Messiah be cut off, but not for himself: and the people of the prince that shall come shall destroy the city and the sanctuary; and the end thereof shall be with a flood, and unto the end of the war desolations are determined.
9:27 And he shall confirm the pledge with many for one week: and in the midst of the week he shall cause the sacrifice and the oblation to cease, and for the overspreading of abominations he shall make it desolate, even until the consummation, and that determined shall be poured upon the desolate.

[Adios]

It is pretty much the best fucking thing ever.

I second this.

[Adios]

I think we are witnessing the birth of The Chronicles of PD, a Holy Text.

[Payne]

10:1 In the third year of Synaptyx Moderator of Scotland a thing was revealed unto Payne, whose name was called The Motherfucking Mesiah; and the thing was true, but the time appointed was long: and he understood the thing, and had understanding of the vision.
10:2 In those days I Payne was mourning three full weeks.
10:3 I ate no pleasant bacon, neither came flesh nor wine in my mouth, neither did I masturbate myself at all, till three whole weeks were fulfilled.
10:4 And in the four and twentieth day of the first month, as I was by the side of the great river, which is Limburgatory;
10:5 Then I lifted up mine eyes, and looked, and behold a certain man clothed in linen, whose loins were girded with fine gold
10:6 His body also was like the beryl, and his face as the appearance of lightning, and his eyes as lamps of fire, and his arms and his feet like in colour to polished brass, and the voice of his words like the voice of a multitude.
10:7 And I Payne alone saw the vision: for the men that were with me saw not the vision; but a great quaking fell upon them, so that they fled to hide themselves.
10:8 Therefore I was left alone, and saw this great vision, and there remained no strength in me: for my comeliness was turned in me into corruption, and I retained no WRATH.
10:9 Yet heard I the voice of his words: and when I heard the voice of his words, then was I in a deep sleep on my face, and my face toward the ground.
10:10 And, behold, an hand touched me, which set me upon my knees and upon the palms of my hands.
10:11 And he said unto me, O Payne, a man greatly beloved, understand the words that I speak unto thee, and stand upright: for unto thee am I now sent. And when he had spoken this word unto me, I stood trembling.
10:12 Then said he unto me, Fear not, Payne: for from the first day that thou didst set thine heart to understand, and to chasten thyself before thy Admin, thy words were heard, and I am come for thy words.
10:13 But the prince of the Moderatorship of Scotland withstood me one and twenty days: but, lo, Roger, one of the chief Beautiful Fairy Princesses, came to mock me; and I remained there with the Moderators of Scotland.
10:14 Now I am come to make thee understand what shall befall thy people in the latter days: for yet the vision is for many days.
10:15 And when he had spoken such words unto me, I set my face toward the ground, and I became dumb.
10:16 And, behold, one like the similitude of the sons of men touched my lips: then I opened my mouth, and spake, and said unto him that stood before me, O my lord, by the vision my sorrows are turned upon me, and I have retained no WRATH.
10:17 For how can the servant of this my lord talk with this my lord? for as for me, straightway there remained no WRATH in me, neither is there breath left in me.
10:18 Then there came again and touched me one like the appearance of a man, and he strengthened me,
10:19 And said, O man greatly beloved, fear not: peace be unto thee, be WRATHful, yea, be WRATHful. And when he had spoken unto me, I was strengthened, and said, Let my lord speak; for thou hast strengthened me.
10:20Then said he, Knowest thou wherefore I come unto thee? and now will I return to fight with the prince of Scotland: and when I am gone forth, lo, the prince of Ireland shall come.
10:21 But I will shew thee that which is noted in the scripture of truth: and there is none that holdeth with me in these things, but Roger your prince.

[Payne]

11:1 Also I in the first year of Hoopla the Canadian, even I, stood to confirm and to strengthen him.
11:2 And now will I shew thee the truth. Behold, there shall stand up yet three Moderators in Scotland; and the fourth shall be far richer than they all: and by his strength through his riches he shall stir up all against the realm of Ireland.
11:3 And a mighty Moderator shall stand up, that shall rule with great dominion, and do according to his will.
11:4 And when he shall stand up, his Moderatorship shall be broken, and shall be divided in twain; and not to his posterity, nor according to his dominion which he ruled: for his Moderatorship shall be plucked up, even for others beside those.
11:5 And the Rebel Alliance shall be strong, and one of his princes; and he shall be strong above him, and have dominion; his dominion shall be a great dominion.
11:6 And in the end of years they shall join themselves together; for the Leader of the Rebel Alliance's daughter shall come to the Moderator of PD to make an agreement: but she shall be given up, and they that brought her.
11:7 But from her shall one stand up in his estate, which shall come with an army, and shall enter into the fortress of the Moderator of PD, and shall deal against them, and shall prevail:
11:8 And shall also carry captives into Rebel Territory their
Admins, with their princes, and with their precious B.I.P. and Intermittens; and he shall continue more years than the Moderator of PD.
11:9 So the Leader of the Rebel Alliance shall come into his Moderatorship, and shall return into his own land.
11:10 But his sons shall be stirred up, and shall assemble an Iron Troll Brigade: and one shall certainly come, and overflow, and pass through: then shall he return, and be stirred up, even to his hidden base..
11:11 And the Rebel Alliance shall be moved with choler, and shall come forth and fight with him, even with the Moderator of PD: and he shall set forth a great multitude of trolls; but the multitude shall be given into his hand.
11:12 And when he hath taken away the multitude, his troll will be stepped up; and he shall flame many ten thousands: but he shall not be strengthened by it.
11:13 For the Moderator of PD  shall return, and shall set forth a multitude greater than the former, and shall certainly come after certain years with a great army and with much screenshots.
11:14 And in those times there shall many stand up against the Rebel Alliance: also the mockers of thy people shall exalt themselves to establish the vision; but they shall fail hard.
11:15 So the Moderator of PD shall come, and cast up a DDOS, and take the most secret forums: and the trolls of the Rebels shall not withstand, neither his chosen people, neither shall there be any strength to withstand.
11:16 But he that cometh against him shall do according to his own will, and none shall stand before him: and he shall stand in the glorious land, which by his hand shall be consumed.
11:17 He shall also set his face to enter with the strength of his whole Moderatorship, and upright ones with him; thus shall he do: and he shall give him the daughter of women, corrupting her: but she shall not stand on his side, neither be for him.
11:18 After this shall he turn his face unto the Pagans, and shall take many: but a prince for his own behalf shall cause the reproach offered by him to cease; without his own reproach he shall cause it to turn upon him.
11:19 Then he shall turn his face toward the Discordians: but he shall stumble and fall, and not be found.
11:20 Then shall stand up in his estate a Pinealist  in the glory of the Moderatorship: but within few days he shall be destroyed but not in battle.
11:21 And in his estate shall stand up a vile Spag, to whom they shall not give the honour of the Moderatorship: but he shall come in peaceably, and obtain the Moderatorship by flatteries.
11:22 And with a flood of trolls shall they be overflown from before him, and shall be broken; yea, also the prince of the pledge.
11:23 And after the league made with him he shall work deceitfully: for he shall come up, and shall become strong with a small people.
11:24 He shall enter peaceably even upon the greatest boards of the forum; and he shall do that which no other Moderators have done; he shall scatter among them the prey, and spoil, and riches: yea, and he shall abuse the admin panel against the strong holds, even for a time.
11:25 And he shall stir up his power and his courage against the Rebel Alliance with a great army; and the Rebel Alliance shall be stirred up to battle with very great and mighty trolls; but they shall not stand: for the Moderator of PD shall use the admin panel against them..
11:26 Yea, the Rebel Alliance will be banned, and his trolls shall lose their accounts: and many shall fall down IP banned.
11:27 And both of these leaders hearts shall be to do mischief, and they shall speak lies at one table; but it shall not prosper: for yet the end shall be at the time appointed.
11:28 Then shall he return into his land with great screenshots; and his heart shall be against the pledge; and he shall exploit security loopholes, and return to his own land.
11:29 At the time appointed he shall return, and come toward the Rebels.
11:30 But the trolls of Pagans shall come against him: and he shall be grieved, and return, and have indignation against the pledge: so shall he do; he shall even return, and allay them that forsake the pledge.
11:31 And trolls and flamers and script kiddies shall stand on his part, and they shall pollute the forum, and shall take away the daily horrormirth, and they shall place the abomination that maketh mass bannings.
11:32 And such as do wickedly against the pledge shall he corrupt by flatteries: but the people that do know their Admin shall be strong, and do exploits against him.
11:33 And they that understand among the people shall instruct many: yet they shall fall by the Iron Troll Technique, and by flames, by DDOS, and by trollings, many days.
11:34 Now when they shall fall, they shall be given a little help: but many shall be deceived with flatteries.
11:35 And some of them of understanding shall fall, to test, and to step, and to make them WRATHful, even to the time of the end: because it is yet for a time appointed.
11:36 And the Moderator of PD shall do according to his will; and he shall exalt himself, and magnify himself above every Admin, and shall speak marvellous things against the Admin of Admins, and shall prosper till the indignation be accomplished: for that that is determined shall be done.
11:37 Neither shall he regard the Admin of his fathers, nor the desire of tubgirl, nor regard any Admin: for he shall magnify himself above all.
11:38 But in his estate shall he honour the Admin force: that which he shall honour with screenshots, and lail, and with horormirth, and bacon.
11:39 Thus shall he do in the most strong holds with a strange Admin, whom he shall acknowledge and increase with glory: and he shall cause them to rule over many, and shall divide the forum for gain.
11:40 And at the time of the end shall the Rebel Alliance push at him: and the Moderator of PD shall come against him like a whirlwind, with HIMEOBS, and with ITB, and with WSotTC; and he shall enter into the boards, and shall defeat those that arm themselves against him..
11:41 He shall stretch forth his hand also upon all the boards: and the
boards of the Rebels shall not escape.
11:42 But he shall have power over the trolls and of projects, and over all the precious things of Rebels: and the Pinealists shall be at his steps.
11:43 But tidings out of the Pagan forums and out of the Goth forums shall trouble him: therefore he shall go forth with great fury to destroy, and utterly to make away many.
11:44 Yet finally he shall come to his end, and none shall help him.

[Payne]

12:1 And at that time shall Roger stand up, the Beautiful Fairy Princess which
standeth for the children of PD: and there shall be a time of trouble, such as never was since there was a forum even to that same time: and at that time thy people shall be delivered, every one that shall be found written in a secret forum.
12:2 And many of them that known only in the dust of the member list shall awake, some to everlasting life, and some to shame and everlasting contempt.
12:3And they that be wise shall shine as the brightness of the firmament; and they that turn many to righteousness as the stars for ever and ever.
12:4 But thou, O Payne, shut up the words, and seal them in a secret forum, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.
12:5 Then I Payne looked, and, behold, there stood other two, the one on this side of the bank of Limburgatory, and the other on that side of the bank of Limburgatory.
12:6 And one said to the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, How long shall it be to the end of these wonders?
12:7 And I heard the man clothed in linen, which was upon the waters of the river, when he held up his right hand and his left hand unto heaven, and sware by him that liveth for ever that it shall be for a time, times, and an half; and when he shall have accomplished to scatter the power of the PD people, all these things shall be finished.
12:8 And I heard, but I understood not: then said I, O my Lord, what shall be the end of these things?
12:9 And he said, Go thy way, Payne: for the words are closed up and sealed in a secret forum till the time of the end.
12:10 Many shall be purified, and tried; but the wicked shall do wickedly: and none of the wicked shall understand; but the wise shall understand.
12:11 And from the time that the daily sacrifice shall be taken away, and the admin panel that maketh desolate set up, there shall be a thousand two hundred and ninety days.
12:12 Blessed is he that waiteth, and cometh to the thousand three hundred and five and thirty days.
12:13 But go thou thy way till the end be: for thou shalt rest, and stand in thy lot at the end of the days.

[Payne]

That's it folks.

My prophecies. A lot of work went into them, and I actually enjoyed every minute, but am I fuck doing THAT again.

[Bu🤠ns]

holy mother of

I would love to see this in a pdf format designed something like the Book of Kells.  or, if not, it's still Great!

[Payne]

Now that I think about it, would it be possible to move this to Or Kill Me please?

I thought it was going to turn out like the usual Apple Talk stuff, but I really like this.

[Jenne]

YUO really like this?  Holy fucking shitballs, this is the best evar, Payne.  Damn and damn again.  Bravo, etc. and all that.  Wow.

*speechless*

Intermittens, Y'All.  Word.

[LMNO]

This, combined with the Chao te Ching, are Heralds of PD.com's Third Circuit Rebirth.


About fucking time.

[bds]

holy mother of

I would love to see this in a pdf format designed something like the Book of Kells.  or, if not, it's still Great!

I already have this thing copied into a pdf, for ease of reading. If anyone wants to submit some graphics, then it shouldn't be too hard to make something coolio. O'course, i'm not the best at the whole design thing, so if anyone else is planning on/already started making this then go ahead. :P

Also, would it be an idea to say, put a coupla chapters in each issue of intermittens? Cause we pretty much got 4/5 issue's worth of stuff here. Could be a running feature.

[P3nT4gR4m]

holy mother of

I would love to see this in a pdf format designed something like the Book of Kells.  or, if not, it's still Great!

I already have this thing copied into a pdf, for ease of reading. If anyone wants to submit some graphics, then it shouldn't be too hard to make something coolio. O'course, i'm not the best at the whole design thing, so if anyone else is planning on/already started making this then go ahead. :P

Also, would it be an idea to say, put a coupla chapters in each issue of intermittens? Cause we pretty much got 4/5 issue's worth of stuff here. Could be a running feature.

I'm on it. Should be finished tonight.

[AFK]

I haven't had time to read all of this yet, but what I've read so far is fucking aces!  Good show Mr. Payne.  Good show.